Was I inappropriate to request this from my dentist?

[plos]

I have to be sedated for some dental work I have coming up. I like and trust my dentist. But I just feel very vulnerable as a woman being in that position. So I requested my husband be with me when I’m out of it. Just for peace of mind. The dentist definitely gave off the vibe that what I was asking was odd. I didn’t go into the why. I was told it was not possible

was it that weird to ask? I do err on the side of caution. I watch too much true crime probably. When we had IVF I asked that my husband stayed with his sample. I was paranoid that his sample would be swapped. This was definitely a direct result of watching the doc where the dr used his own. And to be fair the clinic allowed it.

But anyway. I think if a woman feels vulnerable (given the level of abuse women encounter) then I should be able to request safeguards

It depends ,
with sedation with gas and air only (relative analgesia) it has a variable effect on people , and once you stop inhaling it the effects wear off quite quickly but it does have a slight pain killing effect as well

with oral pre medication ( a tablet taken before treatment) , it takes the edge off anxiety and again can have very variable results , some people feel completely out of it and some people feel relatively normal

with IV sedation the main effects are relaxation which can be variable , but mostly amnesia , people are often surprised at the end of treatment that everything has been done as they don’t remember much. In dentistry some sedationist will use a reversal agent at the end of treatment so people feel quite normal at the end. So in general a sedationist will give as much of the sedation to make the patient comfortable with the proceedure , but how “spacey” a patient feels at the end can be very variable.

Dental sedation doesn't make you out of it.

The chaperone should not be a family member. The chaperone should be a trained person who has got the PVG etc and certificated.

There will always be a dental nurse there. You don't need your husband there as well. He will just get in the way.

I’ve never been to the dentist without a dental assistant there too - hygienist yes, but not the dentist. Is that not the norm where you are?

I had IV sedation and there were three people in the room so I don’t think you will be alone with the dentist. I actually haven’t been alone with a male dentist for years. I think he was probably surprised because most people wouldn’t want to watch their partner have dental work and because it sounds like you don’t trust him. But I’m sure he will realise it’s more about you than him.

I don’t think this is anything to do with it, is it?

Is it not just the case that the dentist needs someone to assist with various tasks, whereas a hygienist can carry out their work alone?

Legally the dental nurse has to be present. I think wanting your husband there is over the top, personally.

My Dd has overwhelming dental and needle phobia. She is over 18. The only way she can have dental treatment is if I am in the room with her. Part of her dental phobia is around a dentist not stopping if she tells them to stop. The one thing that makes her feel safe is having me there, so I can advocate on her behalf when she’s sedated.

I have never needed to advocate for her. I trust her dentist implicitly. But it’s the only way she is able to have dental treatment. Luckily, she has an incredible dentist who understands about neurodivergence and dental phobia.

Are dental nurses never men?

Another goady post where the op doesn’t come back ?

My usual one is.

I completely understand where you're coming from and don't understand why your husband can't be there. When I was a child I was anaesthetised with gas about 4 times and there was never anyone there apart from the last time another man was present- it still gives me the heeby jeebies thinking about it ans why my mother allowed this- though in those days things were different.

You’re not the OP who asked your dentist for a dance, are you?

I want to hear more about THAT! 😂

Fucks sake how on earth do you ever leave the house without hubbys protection

When I was 18 and didnt know any better I went to a new dentist because my old one had gone private. It was just me and a male dentist who numbed my mouth and then left the room for 15 minutes. He said he couldn't put a cap on the tooth so it had to come out...then couldn't get it out and just removed the nerve and snapped off the bits he could see. Unsurprisingly ended up with an infection and a much bigger procedure later with another dentist to try and extract the root. Many years later the dentist was in the paper due to allegations of malpractice and alcoholism. He resigned before he could be struck off!

Anyone accompanying you in order to take you home, would surely stay in the waiting room/reception area.

I hate the dentist, I used to take my Dad, even as an adult!

I presume you are based in the UK, if so, I used to be a dental nurse. If we ever had nervous patients that required sedation usually using Valium, we had strict protocols that I was not allowed to leave the room once it was administered. If the dentist needed anything we had to call another nurse to come in or go get what was needed, this was about monitoring the patient but also about protecting them whilst being under sedation. Completely within your rights to ask and if he is not happy with it, I would be asking for another dentist or asking what their protocols are when providing sedation. Best of luck.

Is he still willing to complete the work on you?

There is always an attendant there as it would be impossible for the Dentist to do any treatment by themselves. If you have to be sedated, there may well even be a team of people.

Despite your post, one has to ask if this is actually your request or your husband being controlling.

For those that voted YANBU did you even think of that first before firing off. How many more women are going to give up their freedoms unnecessarily.

This - there's always a nurse present.

he should be agreeing to what makes you comfortable if this is in his surgery. Its not unreasonable to ask for husband to be in the room/accompany you.

YANBU in our town a dentist raped lots of his patients… who were sedated … I would be concerned if they didn’t let your husband attend. With mask etc of course. Weird af time to find another dentist