Was I inappropriate to request this from my dentist?

[plos]

I have to be sedated for some dental work I have coming up. I like and trust my dentist. But I just feel very vulnerable as a woman being in that position. So I requested my husband be with me when I’m out of it. Just for peace of mind. The dentist definitely gave off the vibe that what I was asking was odd. I didn’t go into the why. I was told it was not possible

was it that weird to ask? I do err on the side of caution. I watch too much true crime probably. When we had IVF I asked that my husband stayed with his sample. I was paranoid that his sample would be swapped. This was definitely a direct result of watching the doc where the dr used his own. And to be fair the clinic allowed it.

But anyway. I think if a woman feels vulnerable (given the level of abuse women encounter) then I should be able to request safeguards

Surely there would be a dental nurse there too?

For those saying the dentist wouldn’t be upset at the question, he shouldn’t be.

Any reasonable man should understand a woman’s concern at being sedated and vulnerable.

Any man who objects to a woman asking for safeguards is a risk.

Agreed

They'll be a nurse there, as others have said. However, it's not an unreasonable request and he probably shouldn't have refused.

In the past, when I've had sedation at the dentist, I work up when something untoward happened (cotton wool fell down my throat, I was choking). I don't think with sedation you're completely out of it, that's why it's called conscious sedation sometimes. You don't remember much of what happened afterwards because that's how the drug they give you works (thankfully).

I've been sedated several times at my dentist. There is always a dental nurse and you need someone there with you to escort you home safely. The dental surgery has always requested that. And each time, I was awake and aware what was going on. It just made me relaxed and the procedure pain free.

I asked for a chaperone when a male GP wanted to look at my c section wound at mine and DS's six week check up. I didn't think he was going to do anything, I just felt more comfortable having another woman in the room, as up to that point I'd only had other women looking at it.

I am not a dentist but generally for a medical procedure like sedation, they wouldn't want family members present. Giving any medication IV can rarely result in things like a significant medical reaction, and these things are quite stressful to manage, never mind with an audience (and in a relatively small room, which will be even more crowded as for a serious reaction, they would call for help, so other staff may be in there), plus can be unpleasant and distressing for non-trained people to witness. As a doctor, I've seen relatives grabbing the patient (so physically getting in the way of the staff trying to help), or shouting, screaming, or swearing at the staff, which adds an extra stress and cognitive load to the medical staff.

For the same reasons, when arriving at a medical emergency, we would usually ask family or friends to move out of the bay/cubicle space to give us room to work and be able to assess the patient properly when we arrive at a medical emergency call or cardiac arrest call. We can work with someone screaming at us, but we much more efficient when they aren't.

In some situations, such as a child, someone with learning difficulties or a diagnosis of significant anxiety or neurodiversity (and many others) then the patient may request support from another adult, but in your case it's just that you don't trust men.

Given that one of the well documented side effects of IV sedation can be disinhibition, and memory loss/false memory (in particular sexual fantasies), any healthcare professional giving IV sedation would expect to have a chaperone there to protect them as well as the patient - even if a female HCP and a female patient.

Essentially you've just told your dentist that you don't trust him not to fiddle with you while you're under sedation, and you are surprised that he feels a bit off with you?

My final comment would be that you might say something disinhibited while under sedation that you might be embarassed about (I've heard a woman make a comment about anal sex ), the HCP will have heard it all, but you might not wish your husband to have heard this.

I’m a nervous patient and my dentist has always suggested that I bring my husband into the room with me. There’s always a nurse there too. I don’t think your request was unreasonable.

I had an odd experience at the dentist many years ago.
I walked in and it was a new, young male dentist. (He was very attractive but that somehow made it worse).
He tilted the chair so far back that the top of my head was touching his chest (he was behind).
He was also poking around in my mouth with no gloves on.
There was no dental nurse.
It just felt really off. Never been in that position before or since.
I still go to the same practice but never encountered him again. I have a female dentist.
That aside, I wouldn't have your thought pattern OP, but if I did I wouldn't expect a refusal. My dentist goes out of her way to make patients comfortable.

I don't see why not. Dentists offices are not sterile like operating theatres. I was always allowed to stay with my nervous child at the dentist. Why is this different?

@Funderthighs I could be wrong, but the impression I got is not that OP is anxious about going to the dentist. More that she’s worried about the dentist touching her inappropriately while she’s sedated, so she wants her husband there to police the situation. He won’t be providing direct comfort to her, as she’ll be sedated.

Yabu. There will be two members in staff there. You could always video record the experience with some high tech camera glasses 👓

I think it depends on what the procedure is going to be, where the observer can be placed to be out of the way and being sure that they can be trusted not to faint/panic/interfere. I believe that there are limits now on what anaesthesia a dentist can provide and what requires the services of an anaesthetist.

I like and trust my dentist

You may like your dentist but you don’t trust him. A dental nurse is usually always present for routine appointments so something requiring sedation one will definitely be there

Your DH might not enjoy watching the dentist hammering at one of your teeth. What happens if your DH passes out?

You are allowed to request it.

but yes, it is odd.

I think it depends what the OP is actually having done. I was sedated for a particularly problematic wisdom tooth removal and it was done in a sterile operating theatre, not in the dentist's chair.

But yes, certainly if the work's being done in the dentist's chair in their normal surgery, the OP should be allowed to have someone with her.

Would your Dh like to see you having the proceedure done ? It's not pleasant.

I had to have dental surgery, hospital not dentist's, my DH came in with me and sat beside me for the whole procedure - we just said "is that OK?" when we went in and the surgeon said "Of course" It wasn't an issue in any way.

I rejoined MN just to say that I have been alone with my male dentist many times.

I have no idea what the handmaids tale reference is about.

Op I suggest you see a female dentist.

A dental nurse will be there too, so probably why they looked at you strangely.

My daughter recently had sedated dental work done and honestly this was my only fear. We as a society put women in extremely vulnerable positions and are just supposed to stay silent.

Even the presence of a nurse is no real guarantee. First, the nurse may be male. Second, the nurse may be complicit after years of pressure.

Your husband can stay until the cannula is in and the first increment of sedation is in and then he must sit in the waiting room. The dentist doing IVS will have 2 dental nurses in with them throughout. One chair side and one sedation side. Your husband can come back in at the end of the procedure when you’re in recovery phase.
It’s then equivalent of GA and theatres. No need to look at you strangely, this could have been explained to you like this at your assessment appointment.

I had a large tooth extracted. I wasn't sedated. There was a Dental Nurse present and someone I'd brought with me for support. The Dentist had no problem with it.

I had a tooth extraction under 'conscious sedation' last December, there was a specially trained sedation nurse there all the time (as well as a trainee nurse). As far as I know a nurse has to be present at all times to observe the patient, keep an eye on the drip, etc, whilst the dentist is doing what they need to do with your teeth. Just like how an anaesthetist is always with a surgeon at a hospital operation. You do have to ask someone to drive you home. I have dental phobia but can hugely recommend it as a positive experience, although it is expensive!