AIBU to think I might have just experienced the end of my marriage?

[Greyblankie]

Been toying with this idea for a while now and tonight I think I’ve experienced the straw that broke the camels back.

Booked tickets to see my favourite band of all time a few months ago, it will be their last tour as the lead singer/dong writer doesn’t have much longer to live. I’ve been looking forward to it for months.

Gig was tonight.

As usual, DH drank too much. He was being loud and obnoxious, at one point said loudly that the singers cancer diagnoses is “fake news” - people were looking - We were stood at the front and he constantly “needed” to go back to the bar barging his way through the crowd then trying to force his way back to the front. We all hate people that do this right? I tried telling him he was pissing people off.

The set got cut short as the singer was struggling too much, it was bloody sad to see. Upsetting actually. He was nearly crying. After the band walked off stage DH started hassling the roadie for a set list. Totally innapropriate.

We got back to the car (I was driving obviously) and I said “you’re a bit embarrassing when you’ve had a drink”. I said it nicely but of course I meant it - I explained why. He started droning on about how the crowd was dead (something else he kept shouting whilst IN said crowd) and he was the only one supporting the band 🙄 I laughed it off and tried to change the subject but no … he kept droning on and on about god forbid anyone try and have a good time etc etc … everyone was having a good time but no fucker else was acting like him.

Then came the silent treatment, refusing to talk etc etc so I lost it and told him that this is why I think he’s a cunt when he’s drinking.

he’s totally ruined the night just as he’s ruined many other nights in the same way.

I think this actually could be the end. I’m unhappy and I have been for a while.

My ex was an alcoholic. No amount of cajoling, ultimatums, begging, pleading, threatening will make one iota of difference. He didn’t care about anything other than his next drink. Me and the kids didn’t really exist to him, he was in a zone non-alcoholics can’t fathom. He did eventually become sober, but I left him before that happened. A very serious hospital stay finally made him see sense.

Honestly, he sounds gross. If he was in all other ways a fantastic partner, this incident was a one-off and he was mortified about it afterwards, that would be one thing, but it sounds like he has form for doing this, he can't even bring himself to acknowledge or apologise for it and you've been unhappy for a while. He clearly isn't going to change. The fact that he is old enough to have adult kids and still behaves like this is even worse, how embarassing. OP, you get one short, precious life, don't waste any more of it with this loser.

One strange thing … he isn’t drinking tonight. Normally on a Friday he’d crack the beers open at 3pm and then drink all evening. Tonight, nothing.

Has he actually realised what an embarrassing petulant cunt he is when he’s drinking or does he still have hangover from Wednesday … who knows 🙄

still no word spoken between us since Wednesday.

Do you think he's embarrassed/ashamed of how he behaved, or has realised you've had enough and is scared you'll leave? ( I mean, he could always apologise if that was the case!)

I think we're not going to agree here. Some people evolve to genuinely want to change due to what else is happening around them.

Yes but they’ve still had to come to that realisation themselves.

He may be drinking on the sly....... my late DH had 1/2 bottles of vodka hidden in the utility room where the downstairs loo was, among many other devious places.

Perhaps he has realised he's in BIG trouble with alcohol, but just be wary.