Why might this person have bruises ?

[0livesandcheese]

If you saw that someone had bruises on her upper arms would you ask about them? I am concerned but I also know that she enjoys quite a liberal sex life. I don’t know exactly what she participates in but have an idea that she is quite experimental. Could it be that it’s from this or would you be concerned? I haven’t said anything before and this is the third time I’ve noticed bruises. Please don’t attack me if I’m getting this wrong, just asking for advice aibu

I have hypermobility and bruise very easily. My partner or a stranger grabbing my arm firmly but not painfully so, would cause a bruise for example.

I would ask, either gently concerned "Are you alright? I noticed a bruise on your arm" or in a lighter tone "What have you done to your arms?" And suggest she uses Arnica to heal them faster. Don't ask in front of people/partner.

I used to regularly have bruises on my upper arms that looked like somebody had been violently grabbing on to me. Which is exactly what they were, thanks to my delightful ex. I’m not saying that’s what they are here, as others have said there are many other explanations. But it would have mattered to me how and where I was asked if someone had been concerned.

I’ve been on steroids for years & my skin is paper thin - bruises & tears so easily. I’m only mid 50s so don’t feel old enough for this fragile skin. I’ve even been asked at work if everything’s ok at home!

I do strongwoman events and bruise very easily. I often have what could be deemed unusual bruises. I take no offence when asked what they are as I know why it could look suspicious, if I am in a medical setting I will often lead with an explanation (and videos to prove they are self inflicted!)

I once fell out of bed and landed on the bedside table leaving a massive bruise that covered the whole back of my arm. I didn't realise how bad it was until a couple of people gave me concerned looks and asked whether everything was OK in my relationship. I appreciated that they cared enough to ask.

When my son was a toddler he used to regularly pinch me on the soft bit of my upper arms when he was angry (he has autism) I was absolutely covered with little bruises, my boss asked me about them and I just explained. People can have bruises for the most random reasons

Dangerous advice. It is literally one of the injuries SWs and police are told to watch for. That and black eyes, circular burns and so on.

Dangerous? Lighten up she's got sex bruises, we all had them in that exact place surely

Yes, but she may not have been a willing participant.

It is a classic domestic violence bruise as well.

Hard to lighten up when I’ve worked with abused women.

Nobody other than her knows it’s that though. It can also be a sign of abuse and someone checking in could be what she needs to open up.

it’s always best to check these things than to just assume all is fine.

Realistically, if you asked and she said someone was hurting her. What would you do?

Or you could get an in-depth report on her sex life. Either way, you won't know what to say.

My upper arms and thighs sometimes bruise badly with no known cause. They just appear seemingly overnight, and like a PP, I sometimes end up with scratched and British’s from playing with my over enthusiastic dog.

Why do they have to be from sex?

I would have asked whether she’s a Kendo practitioner (although that’s usually the wrists)…

Pets, medical conditions and yes (potentially) consensual sex would come to my mind as well. But I would definitely ask a close friend.

I feel I should ask because I’m a friend, not a close friend but definitely a friend in a group of friends. If she said she’d been hurt by someone perhaps she would want to talk about it and I could listen? But if it’s just her sex games stuff then I don’t really want to embarrass her or myself

I would just ask about them and if everything is okay

I do understand that bruises come from other things and do appreciate these other ideas that it could be and may well be. I had only really thought of sex or someone hurting her

She isn’t in a long term relationship but has a few people she sees

If it is from sex, she likely won’t be embarrassed.

So that comes down to whether you would be or not.

Personally I’d ask and deal with the embarrassment if it was, because that’s better than not asking and it potentially being something more sinister.

I have bruises like that all over my arms. I’m a support worker and one of the clients is very grabby plus I bruise very easily. I see people giving my husband the side eye when we’re out but I do explain.

Is she diabetic? If so, she may inject into her upper arms, which can causes finger size bruises. I am covered with them on my stomach and thighs, in various stages of healing due to injecting 4 times a day.

I would casually ask. I did this exact thing a couple of week’s ago. Friend had a large bruise on their arm. I said Oh do you know you have a large bruise (sometimes people don’t realise). She did know and it was something to do with a medication she recently had to have. (She was quite seriously ill recently).

Ok, slightly TMI time.

DP and I are fairly vanilla, but she does enjoy being restrained a bit during sex. We're not in tying fancy knots territory, but she likes it when I trap her legs open with my legs, or if I basically pin her by her upper arms during missionary.

Unfortunately DP is also very pale, and bruises like a peach. The bruises you're describing @0livesandcheese sound a lot like what DP gets sometimes.

So it could be nothing, but then again it could be something. So I'd just ask her. Sounds like you're good friends so how embarrassing is it actually going to even be if it's a sex injury?

I bruise my upper arms from the sledges at the gym