Bf stayed night at mine whilst I was away.

[Hereforadviceee]

I don’t know if I am overthinking this but this feels off. I’ve been with my bf for a year but we actually broke up a couple of months ago so we’ve been seeing each other more casually. He lives literally a minute from mine a couple roads over. I took my little ones away to go camping and had an order of plants from a month ago be delivered that evening ( the delivery was an estimate and they send roots for example that could dry out) with the heat at the moment, I was worried they may all dry out before we got home and asked my bf as he has a spare key for incase I loose mine etc, if on the way home and it wasn’t too much trouble, could he just place the parcel inside the door as they left it on my driveway. He said sure no problem.

He joke about staying over and watching my streaming services and I thought he was joking and he said he might as well get something out of it for coming over and I still thought he was joking. On my ring door bell I get notifications I saw his car go and thought he stayed an hour then left. Then this morning I can see his car is on my driveway and he stayed the night!?

he told me he watched marvel films all night and got a takeaway/ an now I’m picturing the home being a bit of a mess when I made it nice to come back to. It may be clean but I’m just picturing him slobbing out at mine with takeaway stuff left in the kitchen as this is what he’s like and I just feel off. He lives walking distance from our home. But lives in shared accommodation.

Am I being ridiculous?

So when he told you his plan did you not say “please don’t”?

You said he could. You should’ve made it clear you were joking. He obviously didn’t think you were.

He said he would stay and watch a film not the night and I said that’s a bit cock lodger of you but I was at an event with loud music and had a buzzer to get an order of food go off and he said he would leave me to it and I saw his car went and thought he gone. So he went somewhere and came back later that night

He's taken advantage of you going away to leave his shared accommodation and have a night in a living space to himself. He didn't ask you directly but his having "made a joke about it" means that I bet he (incorrectly) is thinking that he's run it past you.

You need to ask for your key back. And think about if you want to carry on the relationship.

Get your key back. He likes your accommodation way too much.

He took the piss. It’s your home, not his to come and go as he pleases

This is the part that throws me also: the takeaway he got delivers but he’s gone to collect it in person in the car and I think he’s gone round back of my house to go back in so my door bell didn’t go off as it’s never not captured someone going through the doors it’s all a bit off but more importantly I feel he’s crossed a boundary. When I thought he was joking I went oo that’s a bit cock lodger and not in a laughing tone and then the call got cut and I saw hed left when my notification door bell went off and thought nothing more of it. He’s still there now and we’re making our way back home.

You need to take your key off him and tell him how pissed off you are.

He did you a favour so thought he was entitled to a night in, in your house. I’d spell out that you aren’t happy (although I’d wait until I see if he has made a mess first). If he’s taking staying for granted I would nip that in the bud now. If you think he will ignore your boundaries find someone else for your spare key and take his back.

He is not worth this.
He's using your home as a comfy crash pad.
Your freshly made bed will be a sweaty mess. He will have used stuff in your fridge, left used crockery etc out because - why not, you'll clear it up.
He's a devious selfish user.
Get your key back & send him on his way.

You split up but you still see each other casually? Isn't that confusing for your children? End the relationship properly, learn to set proper boundaries, get your key back, make sure all his stuff is out of your home

"he said he might as well get something out of it for coming over"

Well, I agree actually.

Take the key back or change the lock else he’ll be living in your loft

"He's using your home as a comfy crash pad."

And she's using him as a delivery man...

This is what happens when you have blurred boundaries.

Your either in a relationship or your not and if your not get your key back and don’t ask favours. If he makes comments about staying over you need to be firm not just laugh it off

I wouldn't mind but you obviously do . Unless you told him absolutely not maybe he thought like I do . Probably relished the chance of a bit of space if living in a house share . And as a BF surely he stayed before . You can get the key back but never expect to see him again .

It's cheeky of him to stay, slightly cheeky of you to ask him to do that task for you. You've created an ambiguous relationship status by letting him keep a key and still seeing him after breaking up. Whilst he shouldn't have stayed, boundaries prior to this needed better definition.

Oh he's horrible. How dare he come into your house and use it like that? I'd have that key back - in fact I'd change the locks if possible - and dump him immediately.

He lives two streets over.

I am usually laid back but this week he was supposed to come over and I said we need to rain check as the children didn’t want him to as they wanted one to one time with me. Why we’ve gone camping and now he’s at mine when we come back. It feels tone deaf. I feel he’s should have asked. If he left then came back it also makes no sense why he didn’t go home at that point it’s a minutes drive or 5 min walk

Yeah, but still. He's doing you a favour. So what if he watches your TV?

Taking a parcel inside warrants staying over and now being at mine today with asking or discussing it?. It’s also ny children’s home and time with me this weekend

So he was doing you a favour, said he would stay over and watched films, you thought he was joking so didn’t say no. So he did what he said he was going to do.

This wouldn’t have bothered me, but it has you so you need to be clear and maybe take your key back.

Also why are you still together, are you giving at another go or just using each other?

I think that’s overstepping the boundary. I’ve been asked to feed neighbours cats before. That’s not an invite for free board and lodging.

So send him a message and say “on way back with the kids now can you tidy up and be out by 11”

then have a proper conversation later rather than all this vagueness