Is it unreasonable to be frustrated by a guest who says they eat anything when they actually don’t?

[funinthesun22]

My MIL is staying with us over the bank holiday. When I asked in advance what she’d like to eat, she said she eats anything and was happy to have whatever we usually have.

Friday dinner was a vegetable and chickpea but apparently she hates chickpeas and dried fruit in savoury food. Saturday breakfast (yogurt, granola, fruit) didn’t go down well either. I took her to M&S so she could pick things she’d enjoy, but she kept insisting she was fine and didn’t add anything to the basket until I said we’d planned tacos for dinner she said she didn’t know what that was and didn’t sound keen, so we bought an alternative dinner for her.

At lunch I made a salad with homemade dressing. She didn’t like the sound of the dressing and asked for salad cream which we didn’t have. I offered vinaigrette, olive oil, or mayo as alternatives but she turned them all down and had a plain salad. She also asked for a few additions we didn’t have, despite us having been in M&S two hours earlier offering to buy food. We’ve got a BBQ planned today and I’m hopeful now that I know more of her dislikes but still not entirely sure.

AIBU to find this frustrating? I genuinely don’t mind catering to a picky eater. I just need to know what she actually likes. But every time I ask, I get “I’ll eat whatever you’re having” when that’s clearly not the case.

If the issue is just onion related IBS finely chopped celery works ok as a substitute. Either that or just up the seasoning. I've a family member with this intolerance but they like good food so have worked out how to cook most things.

Seems her main dislike is flavour and anything that could be classed as “exotic” so you should be safe with a BBQ (just stock up on salad cream)!

I'm 65. When I was in my teens I went to a Stranglers gig at the uni, although I never got to see the Sex Pistols they were HUGE. Mostly I was into anything on the Stiff label.

Again, I am 65. If my care home isn't playing 'Pretty Vacant' and 'Peaches' at full volume then I'm not stopping.

I don't like ketchup though.

God, tell me about it, @funinthesun22!

I’m one of those nearly-an-old-gimmers who can barely eat anything.

But I explain that to people (hopefully without boring the tits off them) and take my own food. My adult DC & SDC are very accepting of this because they are used to it now. It’s easier.

As DS2 says, ‘mum can’t eat that because it’s got food in it’.

Thing is, some people feel uncomfortable if I’m sitting with them literally eating a bowl of rice. And that makes me feel uncomfortable too. Catch 22. But I genuinely can’t help it.

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat I saw the Be Stiff Tour too! Newcastle University, those were the days.

I completely agree that it has nothing to do with her age. My point was that it's incredibly ageist for people to assume that her fussy eating is because of her age. I don't think that's the case at all.

Are you my twin?
My dad used to say to waiters….
She like to order food, mate. She just doesn’t like eating it….
But DS’s line is far, far better.
I am always aware when I’m out that people think I’m tight if I order something plain but I’m happy to contribute far more than the cost of it.
It’s still a standing joke that I had a few slices of bread - no butter - and a few glasses of water when my friends took me out for my 50th. I always leave a mad tip as it’s so embarrassing.
I don’t eat out very often for that reason, it’s not for attention it’s the opposite.
Queen of the Kids’ Menu 🤩

My parents and my pils are broadly the same age.

my mum and my dad grew up in the post war slums of London but have always been adventurous eaters.

pils - well, we took them out for an Indian in 2015 and they said it was the first time they’d had a curry. (It really was as well I had to explain everything to them)

it’s not really an age thing. An experience thing maybe? Although pil grew up in Liverpool so plenty of cafes and restaurants there.

I’ve just popped in to see my next door neighbour, he is now on his own after his wife died. We were chatting and he said he’d got those Chinese flavoured chicken drumsticks for his tea, he gets them at Asda when he shops with another neighbour. He is 95 and it made me smile thinking of this thread. The other neighbour turns his nose up, and is 20 years younger

We need a thread

Yes, I also thought that there were very few 'nothing but meat and two veg' people left at this point! My grandparents considered pasta a bit suspicious, but if they were still alive they'd be about 110... My parents and PIL are all older than the MIL in this OP, and would all eat (and make) tagine and tacos, it wouldn't occur to me to have to trail those as 'unusual' foods.

When people here say older people what age do they mean. I have adult children and teenage grandchildren and would happily eat chickpeas, but not butter beans, and tacos would be fine. Even my 80 year old dad will eat most things I cook for him although I do know what he won't eat.

Cultural preferences! Think Fanny Craddock and go for it.

I hate the overwhelming opinion here that 'elderly' people are being fussy because they don't want to eat certain things. Because I have gout, I can't eat red meat, shellfish, mushrooms, gravy or red wine. Because I also have gastric issues, I can't eat onion, garlic, basil, oregano, peas, nuts or seeds. Makes a very boring menu, but the only things I can eat are chicken, fish, potatoes (which I LOVE) , vegetables and puddings. Please don't think 'elderly' people are being fussy because they cannot eat certain things. Oh and added to that, I hate pasta and eggs, so not much left.

But surely you wouldn't refer to yourself as someone who 'eats anything'?

If the OP's MIL was just on a very restricted diet then that would be fine - it's the refusal to spell out what that diet actually is that's frustrating for OP!

I didn't get the impression that PPs thought 'elderly' people were being fussy - I think it's more that some posters were saying, "Poor MIL, she's too old to have even HEARD of a chickpea, of course she wouldn't tell you she didn't like them."
If MIL had listed out her intolerances like you did, there would be no issue.

I used to eat and cook everything, from all over the world, now I can’t. It’s not a preference or fussiness or my being a martyr or an an arsehole. It’s a gastrointestinal issue and it’s more of a pain in the backside for me than it is for anyone else.

It’s also pain when other people make a fuss over it after I’ve said I’m ok with a small bowl of rice. It just is what it is.

Yes, absolutely.

Yep that would be confusing!

When I'm cooking for someone whose preferences I don't know (of any age) I send a message before I shop, and say I'm planning XYZ, but if that doesn't suit, let me know by Friday and I'll change things. If someone is coming to stay I check their breakfast choices too - I'm a coffee and croissant type, but my son and DIL prefer sausage sandwiches, for instance.

Which posts on this thread make you think posters think someone in their mid-60s is of no value?

My sister thinks I am very fussy and that she eats everything. I agree, I am picky, but so is she! Anything I say I like, she doesn't like... but apparently I'm the fussy one.

There are so many things I don't like I find it easier to ask what people are thinking of cooking, and then let them know if it's really a problem for me.
In your case, I think I would tell her what I was thinking of cooking and check with her before starting, or shopping for it. For what it's worth, I also dislike chickpeas and tacos. I do eat lentils though 😁. (My sister doesnt)

Maybe as she doesn’t eat them she didn’t think to mention it. I don’t think the OP unreasonable though

DF is 91 and lives with us. He eats anything other than asparagus. Yesterday he raved about the roasted aubergine I served as a side dish. When DD1 is here, he happily eats vegan food including chickpeas, curries etc.
MiL (no longer with us but would be 101 now) knew hunger during the war. As a result, she ate everything, but was very wary of “new” foods. She tried avocado, onion rings, hummous and garlic bread at barbecues here and despite being unsure, was prepared to give them all a go, really enjoying them.
It’s not an age thing, it’s a mindset. DDs and I took DF to Wagamama last month. He loved it!

I hate salad cream , I don’t think dps ever had it either, real 1970s

I’m in my sixties and love a Taco Bell. It’s really not that old. She sounds a pain.