Is it unreasonable to be frustrated by a guest who says they eat anything when they actually don’t?

[funinthesun22]

My MIL is staying with us over the bank holiday. When I asked in advance what she’d like to eat, she said she eats anything and was happy to have whatever we usually have.

Friday dinner was a vegetable and chickpea but apparently she hates chickpeas and dried fruit in savoury food. Saturday breakfast (yogurt, granola, fruit) didn’t go down well either. I took her to M&S so she could pick things she’d enjoy, but she kept insisting she was fine and didn’t add anything to the basket until I said we’d planned tacos for dinner she said she didn’t know what that was and didn’t sound keen, so we bought an alternative dinner for her.

At lunch I made a salad with homemade dressing. She didn’t like the sound of the dressing and asked for salad cream which we didn’t have. I offered vinaigrette, olive oil, or mayo as alternatives but she turned them all down and had a plain salad. She also asked for a few additions we didn’t have, despite us having been in M&S two hours earlier offering to buy food. We’ve got a BBQ planned today and I’m hopeful now that I know more of her dislikes but still not entirely sure.

AIBU to find this frustrating? I genuinely don’t mind catering to a picky eater. I just need to know what she actually likes. But every time I ask, I get “I’ll eat whatever you’re having” when that’s clearly not the case.

😄

I usually just stick to safe traditional stuff with older guests:

cottage pie (or any sort of pie really)
lasagne
roast
English breakfast style dinner
Ploughman’s / buffet type thing
etc

OP are you newly married? You mention this is the first time you will have cooked for her and previously you've only had her round for coffee?
A big part of the issue seems to be that you don't know her very well. It should be your DH who is taking the lead on this although his knowledge doesn't sound great either.

DH and I eat lots of veggie stuff (incl chickpeas!) but we also eat chicken and fish. However when my in-laws come to stay we avoid the veggie stuff as tends to be spicier and MIL not keen.

We also make sure we have some skimmed milk in as that's what they drink and also bananas as FIL always has one cut up on his cereal every morning.

I think there has to be some compromise when guests come to eat but the main thing is that I want guests to feel comfortable and welcome.

I think it is one of those things that will get easier in 2 or 3 visits time assuming you get that far! Hopefully you will and hope the BBQ goes well today.

Well, yes, it's strange that they don't know what she eats, but that's a separate issue. I still don't understand why she said she eats everything when she's obviously quite fussy, and I really don't understand all of the people who are saying that she is in her sixties so probably can't imagine anything other than meat and two veg!!

We actually don’t know if she is fussy. What we know is she has been offered food that is outside her current repertoire. Ours not to reason why she has a repertoire that she does: if she hasn’t travelled, has shopped on a budget, at small local shops.. who knows.
There have been generalisations here about older people having limited repertoires gastronomically, I would guess that city dwelling more affluent older people might have wider food palates than those less exposed to variety. It’s culturally defined in more nuanced ways than just age.. but Agism is I think the last ism to be challenged. It walks among us unrecognised!

Indeed, as this thread has demonstrated. So many people are leaping to the conclusion that she won't eat anything but meat and 2 veg because of her age.

It's so incredibly patronising. I'm in my mid 60s and these MN threads make me realise that a substantial subset of the UK population looks at me and sees someone of no importance or value, purely because of my age.

My SIL is like this! The first time she came to stay I served a curry (not especially spicy, with a range of options as I'm veggie and the rest of the family aren't) and she had no idea what to do. Turned out she had never had a curry in her 45 years of life. Breakfast was the same. She would have anything - but what she meant was weetabix or a fry up! Neither of which I had planned. I found it so stressful. She just kept saying "I'm not fussy" then looking like she'd been served alien food. The woman is from Dublin city centre so not exactly the middle of nowhere with no options!

I dont like tomato ketchup either 💩😁

Bloody hell. Without even bothering to ask what they actually like! 'Older guests'. What does this even mean? Nobody born after 1960 who grew up in any part of the UK has been in a world where it was impossible to eat pizza, pasta, curry, moussaka, lasagne etc. I like all the foods you mention there but I like loads of other things too and really need lots of salads, fruit and vegetables to balance out the protein and carbs in my diet. My husband, born 1955, would find your suggestions really tricky if we were staying with you for more than one night as he doesn't like eating much meat and prefers a diet high in vegetables and low in processed foods.

You've done it now. Tomato ketchup is one of the great foods.

Ime it's more money thing than age. DH and I worked with people under 40 who came from really quite poor backgrounds and they really knew basic foods. From foreign one, it's basic curry, some chinese and kebab.
Oddly some of these worked in hospitality in places which do make other foods. They just wouldn't really try. We expanded quite a few horizons and blew some minds with stuff like sauerkraut or kibbeh....
I see it on my family, the ones with more money were more experienced with other foods, the other side was not familiar with anything non native really at all (not in UK). Similar with DH's family from another country. Pretty sure his DM never even had a burger as we know them.

I never had salad cream and now I feel likei am missing out😂

😂

Onions are a hard thing to remove from many standard dishes. Btw, I’m 65 and love what you’ve offered her so far. Can I come and visit? 😂

Agree. All the posters saying they dont know what a taco is and acting like ur is something exotic. Off the top of my head I can think of half a dozen local cafes / restaurants that have a taco of some kind on the menu. My kids school had tacos on the menu nearly 20 years ago.

YABU for not having salad cream in the house. It is the food of the gods.

Agree with this. But it is worse than that. You realise you are strange. Awkward. Demanding. Rude. To blame. Always.

But it has to be proper salad cream you know. Not that French muck !
Hopefully anyone old enough will understand what TV show I am referring to.

And millions of sales of salad cream and ketchup tell me you are not alone…..

Your husband needs to be dealing with her as she’s his mother! Also she needs telling that she said she’d she eats everything and you’d been in M&S and she didn’t pick up anything different then so unless she wants to go hungry she needs to use to her words like a grown up!!

I’m in my 60s and I would happy with all this, but then I genuinely do eat practically anything that is put in front of me. My cooking repertoire ranges from Scottish stodge to southeast Asian with most things in between.

Not sure I would impressed with a vegetable and chickpea though. It doesn’t sound very filling.

Not realising they were the era that would have gone to see the Stones and some still do so.
Not forgetting the age of the Rolling Stones band members of course. But perhaps they have survived so long because after all they must only eat meat and two veg.

My DH is a fussy eater and knows it's easier for him to suggest what he will eat.

It has nothing to do with age, as has been demonstrated on this thread multiple times by posters over 60. It is to do with the MIL eating an unadventurous diet.

I’m 64, always hated gravy, custard, chillies, wouldn’t eat tacos, tangine ok