Is it unreasonable to be frustrated by a guest who says they eat anything when they actually don’t?

[funinthesun22]

My MIL is staying with us over the bank holiday. When I asked in advance what she’d like to eat, she said she eats anything and was happy to have whatever we usually have.

Friday dinner was a vegetable and chickpea but apparently she hates chickpeas and dried fruit in savoury food. Saturday breakfast (yogurt, granola, fruit) didn’t go down well either. I took her to M&S so she could pick things she’d enjoy, but she kept insisting she was fine and didn’t add anything to the basket until I said we’d planned tacos for dinner she said she didn’t know what that was and didn’t sound keen, so we bought an alternative dinner for her.

At lunch I made a salad with homemade dressing. She didn’t like the sound of the dressing and asked for salad cream which we didn’t have. I offered vinaigrette, olive oil, or mayo as alternatives but she turned them all down and had a plain salad. She also asked for a few additions we didn’t have, despite us having been in M&S two hours earlier offering to buy food. We’ve got a BBQ planned today and I’m hopeful now that I know more of her dislikes but still not entirely sure.

AIBU to find this frustrating? I genuinely don’t mind catering to a picky eater. I just need to know what she actually likes. But every time I ask, I get “I’ll eat whatever you’re having” when that’s clearly not the case.

How old are these parents and ILs who have this attitude...?

My parents are in their 80s and rarely eat meat & 2 veg. I'm 60 and grew up eating all kinds of things. Unless we're talking nonogenarians and older (😳) I'm finding this rather ageist stereotyping a bit much.

I really think this is a bit of sticking point. MIL really doesn't like couscous- I have no idea why not but I think North African cuisine is somehow more challenging than indian/thai/ mexican.

I fucking hate chickpeas and any beans, as they upset my tummy. Sorry that’s not helpful at all

TBF my nonagenarian DM will have a crack at most things as long as they’re not overly hot.

If I had invited you to eat at my house you would have told me that, and I would have discussed with you what would be suitable.

Clearly, it didn't occur to the MIL to have this discussion.

I agree about the slightly irritating ageist stereotyping. I'm in my late 60s, currently making my own kimchi complete with fermented shrimp paste. I make a great Brazilian inspired ceviche with raw scallop. Some of my dc's friends in their 30s only eat a limited range of fast-food type staples. It's not solely about age.

Having said that, I tend not to eat breakfast (intermittent fasting) and very little sugar and refined carb. However, in our extended family household where there are nut allergies, lactose intolerance, coeliac, and general kids fussiness, I do say 'I'll eat anything'. But everyone knows I'm unlikely to eat pudding, and would rather not have a pasta based meal.

I'm making Pork satay kebabs with rice and salad for dinner tonight late 60s (me), 74 (DH).

But presumably you would disclose this if asked about food preferences?

Tbh I am not fan of couscous either. No matter hoe well done and flavoured. And I am dissapointingly far away from retirement age.

I am also having meat with 2 veg today😂 but with periperi cheesy sauce😂

Exactly this!!!! My partner was like this when I met him. He had such a limited food repertoire. It was like everything I served was a food odyssey!

Are you not in the UK it is sooo hot astounded you are making a cheese sauce.

Oh my goodness yes the fussiest people I know are 11,13,47 & 63. Much worse than DF (78), DM (77) and MIL (80).

I am. But it's only 25c where I am so normal summer temperature. Just not in summer🙈
I even eat soup in summer. Fear me😂

I should add I did not grow up in UK so close 30c summers and I are no strangers.

Gazpacho is wonderful I agree.

But to be fair they don't say they eat anything.

Not a fan really. I prefer broth overall to thick soups, let alone cold ones.

Anyway, sorry OP. Back to Mils

When my exPIL came round for dinner I served them food I liked - Pan fried salmon fillet on swede and carrot mash mixed up with spinach and a hollandaise sauce and slow cooked parsley and mint lamb rump steaks with mash and broccoli for main with chocolate cake, strawberries and ice cream for dessert. They loved it. I get protein and fats and can control carbs.

When we went round to theirs we had to cook breakfast to get protein, lunch was a couple of slices of ham and cheese (neither of which I can eat - I have a restricted diet but can always find alternatives so had to open a can of tuna) and dinner was a Chinese take out (thank god I can always find something I enjoy on a menu).

I only truly recognise that I have a restricted diet when I can’t cook at home or choose from a menu. I low carb and eat a lot of protein and have for 30+ years because I was pre-diabetic. Food restrictions plus specific diet are very hard to explain to hosts. So they think I’m fussy. They would think I was entitled if I requested expensive protein.

But if she said she eats everything, why on earth would you assume that this means "plain British food only"?

The MIL is in her late sixties, not 90! She will have had exposure to different types of cuisine throughout most of her adult life! Many much older people would think nothing of eating food that isn't "plain British"!

I would guess that they have met this woman, and that the son may even have eaten at her home, possibly frequently. It’s this utter chasm in the awareness level which is hard to fathom. I don’t think anyone here is truly shocked that someone might not like chickpeas and salad dressing. Equally not shocked that someone might like chick peas and salad dressing.
somewhat shocked that there was zero awareness of who they were hosting, and that is deemed to be the guests fault.

That’s fair, and I’m sure people in their 60s eat a wider variety than people in their 80s.
Perhaps it would be a good idea for the husband to have a chat with Mil about what she usually eats / does not eat and let OP know. I just find it odd that someone wouldn’t know this since my husband and I both know what each other’s parents would eat, but perhaps if the relationship is very new.
I must admit that I do think chick peas are an odd choice for guests, unless you know for sure that someone eats the same way as you. I genuinely do eat everything but unless heavily curried they are one of the few foods I would not choose. It’snot like serving someone who has said they eat everything chicken, and finding they don’t like it. This happened to my mum once!

OP

When my dad stayed in woul give him a menu for each meal I had planned.

For breakfast I would buy those multipacks of cereal because it is something I don't eat.

Would that work do you think?

Thanks to this thread I am reminded to buy salad cream.

Ah the old ‘I don’t want to make a fuss’. My late IL’s were the masters at this managing to cause the biggest fuss by not wanting to make a fuss😂. I always try to politely eat whatever anyone else has cooked for me without complaint. However I must say absolutely no one would want me as a house guest if I had ingested chickpeas. They are the devil’s work. I really fancy a bottle of salad cream now though. I used to send Heinz salad cream to an American friend who loved it and couldn’t buy it in the States.

I know. People have a very weird attitude to the things people aged 60 or thereabouts eat. Given many on here will be about 30 or so they are talking about their parents ?
This meat and two veg thing. Peculiar. People were eating pasta, pizza and curry before they were born. But also had cottage pie and sausage and mash.
Some will have had Japanese food, all sorts. But some not.
It is almost as if the word Boomer and meat and two veg eating have to go together and it doesn’t fit the brief if they don’t.

Don't want to bang on too much about ageism, but some assumptions on this thread are hilarious. The culinary equivalent of deciding someone that age must like Cliff Richard or Perry Como, rather than the Stone Roses or Sex Pistols.

I was thinking that - was MIL born in the 1880s, OP? I'm 65, and I know what tacos are! And I wouldn't thank you for salad cream, dressing all the way! It sounds more like she's never been adventurous and she thinks she eats anything - because she only buys and cooks what she likes, so she eats 'everything' as long as it's what she cooks.

But I don't think it's an age thing (unless she WAS born in 1880). I think it's a 'not very adventurous eater' thing.