Is it unreasonable to be frustrated by a guest who says they eat anything when they actually don’t?

[funinthesun22]

My MIL is staying with us over the bank holiday. When I asked in advance what she’d like to eat, she said she eats anything and was happy to have whatever we usually have.

Friday dinner was a vegetable and chickpea but apparently she hates chickpeas and dried fruit in savoury food. Saturday breakfast (yogurt, granola, fruit) didn’t go down well either. I took her to M&S so she could pick things she’d enjoy, but she kept insisting she was fine and didn’t add anything to the basket until I said we’d planned tacos for dinner she said she didn’t know what that was and didn’t sound keen, so we bought an alternative dinner for her.

At lunch I made a salad with homemade dressing. She didn’t like the sound of the dressing and asked for salad cream which we didn’t have. I offered vinaigrette, olive oil, or mayo as alternatives but she turned them all down and had a plain salad. She also asked for a few additions we didn’t have, despite us having been in M&S two hours earlier offering to buy food. We’ve got a BBQ planned today and I’m hopeful now that I know more of her dislikes but still not entirely sure.

AIBU to find this frustrating? I genuinely don’t mind catering to a picky eater. I just need to know what she actually likes. But every time I ask, I get “I’ll eat whatever you’re having” when that’s clearly not the case.

Yes, but I assume you're interested in food and cooking. Lots of people aren't. We all have to eat but for many food is fuel only and the idea of spending time finding out more about it is mystifying. There are psychological issues in some cases to do with distaste for handling raw food or eating things that are unfamiliar or a million and one other issues. There are medical reasons why some people avoid some foods. A lot of people don't realise how different other people's diets and preferences are, as this thread has made abundantly clear, so when they say 'I eat anything' they mean 'I eat anything I'm used to which I assume is what you're used to as well, because why you would eat anything else?'

Love the pp who would rather order in a pizza than eat something with onions and garlic in 😁

This reminds me of doing playdates where everyone’s child eats anything and it turns out no one’s children eat everything and why my playdate menu consists of cheese and tomato pizza, fish fingers or nuggets. Even then if they’re from a different shop to what they’re used to it’s 50/50 whether they can be stomached.

TBH if I have people coming and I don’t know what they’ll eat I do roast chicken and salad stuff so people can pick what they’d like and if they’re staying I’d have white bread, butter, jam and cheese in to do sandwiches, toasties or toast.

You deserve a medal. I hope it's all appreciated!

I don’t really like cooking but I do like to choose different foods when I’m out. And not just stuff I’m used to, I’ve had friends cook me stuff I’ve never had before and I’ve been excited to try it. Some of it I wouldn’t have it again, some of it I then go on to make for myself.

But I get that some people are just not adventurous at all. DH is like this, a childhood of beige food, but that’s his problem to deal with, not anyone else’s, so if we go somewhere and someone has cooked something he doesn’t like then he will just eat what he can and stay quiet about it.

I guess I just find it weird there are people under the age of 50 (I am 40 so similar generation) who haven’t ever heard of a taco but are presumably computer literate, out there living in the world. A taco! 🌮

Wow. What's it like to be so narrow minded?

Chickpeas are amazing - in curry, roasted with paprika, made into hummus...

Why don't you try some? Go on, be adventurous!!

(I'm also in my 50s btw)

Just ignore her. She can eat the bits she likes or have some toast. And why are you fussing around after her, doesn’t your DH know what she likes. I mean this kindly, but I realised a while ago there is no ‘good DIL’ award.

I don’t think this is about food, actually, so much as knowing how to be a guest. Is she not aware that having her over means you will inevitably think about her needs and comfort? And wouldn’t she want to minimize that by not being so fussy? Obviously she doesn’t have to eat anything she’s allergic to or intolerant of or which will send her running to the loo. But to not eat a thing because it’s outside her norm, or she doesn’t know what it is, or she doesn’t like it - that’s just being a rude guest, frankly, after you’ve gone to the trouble of asking about her likes/dislikes and even taken her shopping. I mean, what does she expect you to do? Or is she okay with you running around offering a million suggestions which she bats away? It’s quite selfish really.

Not if the frame of reference was different. If MIL assumed OP and family ate like her, then saying she would not like a tagine would not even occur to her to rule it out.

My late MIL often used to bring her own food when they came to stay "because it needed using up" . One year I invited them for a meal for DDs birthday (she was about 3 or 4) they were about an hour and a half late because of traffic on the motorway (fair enough, although not sure why they couldnt have phoned with that info)....but then it turned out they stopped at services, on the way and bought sandwiches. We had waited for them to arrive to have dinner, I served the food.... and they got out their packets of sandwiches 🙄
On the rare occassions they did eat what I cooked MIL would say, in a surprised voice "actually this is really nice!"

My inlaws do this too and it drives me mad. I also like to.try and plan stuff for.everyone to do so the kids dont go out of their minds with boredom stuck in the house. I always suggest a couple of ideas before they come up and they say 'oh don't do anything special we'll just fit it' then when they arrive Every. Single. Thing. Is something they cant do for one reason or another. Drives me nuts 😱
I think really they 'eat anything' as long as it's English food / no fish / no pork & fit in as long as our plans are either pub lunch / coffee shop or garden centre!

I can’t believe people get to be adults and aren’t able to be polite and eat any food that’s put in front of you when you’re a guest. It’s pretty basic adulting.

Given her age she would probably have been cooking for herself and her family in the mid 1980’s.
Long before some of the foods considered fashionable today. The era of lasagne and pasta. Fish and chips, cheesecake etc. Of steak and chips. Prawn cocktail. Curry was with us then. And Chilli.

Don’t worry people. I am sure as you in turn become MIL’s your DIL’s will provide food you really aren’t used to and you will long for your taco’s instead. I am trying to imagine the future thread and how it would read….

Right?!?

Tacos have been around in this country for over 30 years. I appreciate that not everybody might like them, but to have never heard of them?

A taco! 🌮

I’m definitely not narrow minded thank you! I know I don’t like these things because I HAVE tried them. For example, I love the flavour of samosas but just don’t like and can’t take the heat. I’ve tried several Greek, Turkish, Indian, Lebanese and Chinese dishes. I can’t help what tastes good to me but I’m absolutely not narrow minded.

@hugasaurus hard agree - fine to have never eaten a taco but to live in a world where they do not exist is basically saying you have no interaction with US or Mexican culture - no US TV, films, cartoons, books - it's absurd!

Interestingly I eat a lot of foreign food, love Japanese, Korean, Thai, Goan curry , Italian, Turkish but don’t like anything at all that’s what I call tex mex, tacos etc or anything involving large chunks of beef or indeed don’t like steak - I think itsiary because my teeth are a bit shit at64 - maybe just best to ask in advance, do you eat spaghetti bol or katsu curry etc! I suspect these things may not have ever been on the radar .

.

Being a picky eater or having limited tastes, ignorance of variety and inability to cook are not a generational thing.

Absolutely @PinkTonic
My mum was born in 1918 and acheived a Cordon Bleu diploma in Paris, so we were brought up on chicken provencal, home made pizza and other European dishes. My dad (born in 1909) spent the war in India and developed a love for Indian food.

In 2026 it isn't generational, it is simply unadventurous. The MIL is a similar age to me. She just likes traditionally English food and is unable to think outside of that.

The ageism and ignorance on this thread is depressing.

Whenever we have people to stay or just round for a meal I always try to find out what to avoid and what particular likes are, especially if it is someone I have never cooked for before. Like @funinthesun22 I would be really frustrated with the MIL for making it so difficult and would probably have said something along the lines of "I'm trying to find you something to eat, but you aren't making it easy for me. I really would like to make you something you would enjoy so please could you let me know what you like"

I enjoy hosting and family and friends enjoy coming as I always take dietary preferences and requirements into account.

Bloody hell, the rudeness!

I don't think it's generational, I think it's probably a combination of upbringing and being wary of the unknown. I've known people in their 20s who were like this and people in their 80s who go "Yay! Let's try it!" I consider the latter to be normal!

Is she rude about it when she realises she doesn't want to eat what you're offering, or does she just ask about what you have available and happily make her choice from that?

I can see you want to host her and make her stay comfortable and nice by providing food she'll like, but she may (and I'm not there so this might be totally off) enjoy herself more by not "imposing" on you by making you buy stuff for her specially. I get why that's annoying for you, it would be annoying for me too, but this is a pretty normal way for people to think about "not wanting to be a bother".

Perhaps ask SiL what she really likes for next time, or have DH have a conversation along the lines of "Look mum, fun loves to cook and would really like to impress you while you're here, so wil you please tell me what you actually like to eat so she doesn't get stressed out again." (if this is true and you want the cook role while she's with you - dumping the whole effort onto DH is also a good approach).

Edit to add: But no, YANBU to be frustrated by her!

I'm old and eat anything. Lots of things I eat now were not available where I live until the 80s or later.
Funnily enough I didn't know what tacos were until recently. DS mentioned he had made them and I had to Google. It turns out they are just tortillas with a filling which I have been making since the 90s. I just didn't call it tacos.

Being fussy is by no means the preserve of the elderly. I've had some very difficult to feed teenagers visiting when mine were still at home.

As for salad cream, my grandparents used to have it. They were both born in the early 1900s.

Yes, I've seen the food places, but I don't go to them. Like I say, I've had tortillas and Mexican food so I suppose it's similar.

No, it's not. I wouldn't want anybody to come to my place and force themselves to eat food they don't like. I actually associate that with childhood and since I've been grown up, I haven't forced myself.