Is it unreasonable to be frustrated by a guest who says they eat anything when they actually don’t?

[funinthesun22]

My MIL is staying with us over the bank holiday. When I asked in advance what she’d like to eat, she said she eats anything and was happy to have whatever we usually have.

Friday dinner was a vegetable and chickpea but apparently she hates chickpeas and dried fruit in savoury food. Saturday breakfast (yogurt, granola, fruit) didn’t go down well either. I took her to M&S so she could pick things she’d enjoy, but she kept insisting she was fine and didn’t add anything to the basket until I said we’d planned tacos for dinner she said she didn’t know what that was and didn’t sound keen, so we bought an alternative dinner for her.

At lunch I made a salad with homemade dressing. She didn’t like the sound of the dressing and asked for salad cream which we didn’t have. I offered vinaigrette, olive oil, or mayo as alternatives but she turned them all down and had a plain salad. She also asked for a few additions we didn’t have, despite us having been in M&S two hours earlier offering to buy food. We’ve got a BBQ planned today and I’m hopeful now that I know more of her dislikes but still not entirely sure.

AIBU to find this frustrating? I genuinely don’t mind catering to a picky eater. I just need to know what she actually likes. But every time I ask, I get “I’ll eat whatever you’re having” when that’s clearly not the case.

I’d forgotten about Gammon and Pineapple. I can remember by DF even service the gammon with half a peach instead of the pineapple!

I had also forgotten about Branston Pickle although that might have been more intentional…

This is complete bollocks.
The early 80s were over 40 years ago.
The great unwashed have long since embraced "forrin" food since then.

Well, yes. I agree with you!

Same - it’s hardly a new development.

And I was sure I remembered going to Taco Bell as a child - I had to look it up, and apparently it was in London in the late 80s / early 90s, so that fits. Definitely not just a Gen Z thing!

Exactly this! If I was staying with someone else I would assume that breakfast would be cereal, toast and lunch a sandwich or salad etc. The OP is talking about the foods she’s offering as if they are typical and common. They definitely aren’t in our house or in the houses of anyone we have stayed with. I think this is overly harsh to judge the poor MIL, she clearly didn’t want to cause a fuss by requesting specific foods and assumed that she’d be eating more typical meals.

I think it’s wild people using the internet, immersed in modern life and don’t know what a taco is! We had fajitas growing up in the late 90s, early 2000s.

I guess maybe if you’ve never ever travelled too, my mum ate and cooked all sorts of things but she had lived in other countries, travelled to Mexico, India, all over the world, so was obviously well exposed to other cultures and food. Curries, tacos, tagines, etc. were just normal fare. She died a few years at 69 and definitely wasn’t a meat and two veg kind of person.

I do think a lot of people think they eat a varied diet but what they mean is they eat variations of the same theme. I don’t like mushrooms, but I will eat pretty much anything else and I do mean that! DH is very picky, I don’t cater to it and if we go somewhere with stuff he won’t eat he just has to suck it up.

Hmmm, vegetable and chick pea what?!

I think if you know she prefers meat and two veg type meals, I’d cook those whilst she was round. I presume she’s not staying forever.

I would have a good conversation about food and ask her-

what do you normally eat for breakfast at home?

Do you tend to have sandwiches for lunch? What’s your favourite type of break (white, brown granary or rolls?) and fillings?

What are your favourite meals? We tend to eat curry/tacos or spag Bol etc-what do you like?

and go from there. She doesn’t want to be difficult, doesn’t realise that when she says ‘I eat anything’ she actually means, ‘I eat any of the food I usually have at home!’ so I’d be more direct in my questioning as that’s going to be helpful to you when planning.

I can see it from both sides, so I didn't vote.

It's frustrating for you OP because you asked your MIL what food she likes to eat (giving her the opportunity to state her likes and dislikes) and she assured you that she eats everything. That has turned out not to be the case.

But when your MIL said she eats everything, I don't think she was being disingenuous. It simply never occurred to her that you might offer her things like vegetables, chickpeas, dried fruit, tacos etc. for dinner. Or yogurt, fruit and granola for breakfast. She probably assumed you would make a meat and two veg. dinner, and serve up toast for breakfast. So she assured you that she eats everything. I agree with @curiouscat1987 that certain foods simply aren't on her radar.

Fussiness about food isn't always an age thing. I've a friend in her '50s who eats a very plain diet. She grew up on a farm in rural Ireland and never really took to Italian/Chinese/Indian foods. She doesn't like spicy foods. It makes things difficult when we're trying to choose a restaurant for a meal, because not all restaurants serve carvery style dishes.

On the other hand, my Dad is in his '80s and happily eats lasagne, curry etc. Although he has to more careful what he eats now, due to acid reflux issues. And his false teeth cause issues too e.g. he finds it hard to chew steak.

Might be best if you involve her with the meal planning for whatever time you have left e.g. "For dinner today I'm trying to decide between a roast chicken dinner with mashed potatoes, pizza or a spicy curry - which of those takes your fancy?"

As for M&S, she might usually shop in cheaper supermarkets and was wary of running up a huge bill for you. Or just didn't want to make a fuss. She's probably way out of her comfort zone. But you're trying to be a good host, so it's very frustrating for you.

I can’t eat a lot of food due to a medical issue. I always specify to the host - usually what I can eat. I’m easy to cater for as I eat plain food & sometimes I’ve bought my own if I’m staying overnight etc.

She means she assumes youre having meat and two veg, soup, or fish and chips

I think.. irritating though it may be id say something like. It would really mean something to me to make some of your favourite food - what would you like?

I think she doesnt want to be a hassle to you and is ironically being more of a hassle. Bless your patience

This. She thinks her son is still eating the meat and 3 veg meals she served him.

I don't think thats obvious at all, isn't beige food what small children eat like chicken nuggets and oven chips? I can't imagine a woman I her 60s eating that or assuming everyone else does, that would be very odd wouldnt it?

This has brought back memories of FIL, and MIL.

They ate anything except FIL did not eat: mushrooms, pasta, pizza, cruciate vegetables, and wasn't keen on chicken. It went further, once adter a week with us FIL was vocieferous about garlic being disgusting and how he'd never eat it. Oh his face when I said "that's interesting, because every meal you have had for a week has contained garlic".

Breakfast, utterly rigid:
A glass of orange juice, no bits
Tea - from the pot
Muesli with additional SunPat raisins - once I had to buy supermarket own, and it was raised every single morning; always with top of the milk
A braburn apple, painstakingly sliced
A slice of wholemeal toast with salted butter and lime marmalade
Another cup of tea from the pot.

Lunch:
A cheese sandwich. Two slices of wholemeal bread, unbuttered, cheese slices set across rather than longways. I put it in long ways once and MIL told me off and made me change it. Two pickled onions placed to the left.

MIL once caught me rinsing new potatoes before boiling and had the abdabs because I wasn't peeling them and FIL would not be able to eat an unpeeled new potato.

I repeat, they were not fussy. I was, on occasion, tempted to ram the fucking raisins down his throat.

TBH I'm surprised at this. You may not eat all around the world, but tacos are hardly "out there" in terms of dishes. I see this kind of thing sold as street food.

Not heard “abdabs “ for ages.
Next level is “ screaming abdabs”.

I agree with this. To be honest if I’m catering for older people I assume this too. They didn’t grow up with the same access to international foods as us! I just keep it simple.

This thread has been a fascinating read.

I'm blown away that there are people under 50 in (I assume) the UK who don't know what a taco is.

But I (54yo) have no fucking clue what salad cream is so I'm not judging!

if you were you raised in the UK in 1980s and have never heard of Heinz salad cream I find that astonishing 😂

I think the problem is some people have very narrow horizons where food is concerned and would never think of cooking a dish they see on the telly. One of my friends would say she ate anything but she disliked any kind of liquid or sloppy food, so fruit fool, gravy, sauces etc were out. She said she liked cheese but it turned out she liked edam from the supermarket! This is really on your OH, who must know what she's like.

But why would you assume this? If you stay in a Premier Inn or similar they offer a full cooked breakfast or a continental breakfast. Yoghourt, muesli, granola, fruit juice, fresh fruit all served alongside cereal, toast, bacon, eggs etc. If you eat out at lunchtime you must have noticed that all the big chains offering meal deals now offer wraps and salads as well as conventional sandwiches made with two slices of bread. Evening meals have always varied a great deal according to the preferences of the people eating them, budget, cooking ability and equipment, medical issues, ethnicity, religion, moral issues (e.g. veganism) and so on.

You don't think the OP's food is typical and common. I don't think there is such a thing in the UK any more. Always best to be direct and state explicitly what you like, rather than assume.

I was not raised in the UK, but have British parents who only ate British food.

And there we have it in a nutshell. We all have different experiences. I moved to London in 1979 and first tasted hummus a few months later. I thought it was wonderful. At the time it was only available in shops selling Middle Eastern food, I think. Within a few years it had become a staple and every supermarket sold it. Even so when we first offered it to my parents in the late 1990s they had never tasted it before. By that stage we had it in the fridge all the time. It was one of the few foods my then picky son would always eat.

I think this is pretty much my take on how she is behaving. Some gentle questioning might help you with meal planning for the next time ahead stays and she could just be hugely out of her comfort zone.

If she’s having “allergy testing” could she be suffering with some digestion problems anyway? I would try having a chat with her about why the allergy testing sounded like it was worth a try.

My dad would tell you he eats anything, not fussy. In fact (I know because he lives with me) he is the most neurotic picky eater I’ve ever known. No white sauces, no custard or cream, no fish, no big pieces of meat, no spices - basically anything goes, as long as it’s English, completely mullered and drowned in gravy 😭

It’s a nightmare because I have another dependent who only eats the opposite kind of food and is also underweight. Dad has Alzheimer’s so there’s no point challenging him at this point. DH and I are trying to get fitter and improve our health, so we eat a lot of fish and lean meat and salad and soup (neither of the two awkward gits will eat that). I spend a lot of time cooking separate meals for people who loudly insist that they aren’t fussy and will eat anything. I feel your pain OP!

My mum and dad will eat anything
my MIL…… grew up on a farm in Ireland . Has never had a takeaway, and definitely would not eat any food other than traditional meat and 2 veg, stew etc. however she wouldn’t claim she ‘eats anything’, so I would cater to her needs
My husband who is 57 never even had pasta until he was 18.
im an actual real life will eat anything, wish I was more fussy 😂