Is it unreasonable to be frustrated by a guest who says they eat anything when they actually don’t?

[funinthesun22]

My MIL is staying with us over the bank holiday. When I asked in advance what she’d like to eat, she said she eats anything and was happy to have whatever we usually have.

Friday dinner was a vegetable and chickpea but apparently she hates chickpeas and dried fruit in savoury food. Saturday breakfast (yogurt, granola, fruit) didn’t go down well either. I took her to M&S so she could pick things she’d enjoy, but she kept insisting she was fine and didn’t add anything to the basket until I said we’d planned tacos for dinner she said she didn’t know what that was and didn’t sound keen, so we bought an alternative dinner for her.

At lunch I made a salad with homemade dressing. She didn’t like the sound of the dressing and asked for salad cream which we didn’t have. I offered vinaigrette, olive oil, or mayo as alternatives but she turned them all down and had a plain salad. She also asked for a few additions we didn’t have, despite us having been in M&S two hours earlier offering to buy food. We’ve got a BBQ planned today and I’m hopeful now that I know more of her dislikes but still not entirely sure.

AIBU to find this frustrating? I genuinely don’t mind catering to a picky eater. I just need to know what she actually likes. But every time I ask, I get “I’ll eat whatever you’re having” when that’s clearly not the case.

Which also reminds me of the time I stayed with an aunt who said she was making a "curry". This dish had about a half teaspoon of curry powder in it, no onions or garlic and just before serving she bunged in a large handful of candied peel.
It was......interesting 😂

This is a case of ignoring what she says and look at what she serves when you go to her. She thinks she "eats anything" because she has a narrow range of easily available foods. Don't bother asking her, just buy traditional basics like ham, bread rolls, veg etc. Ice cream, fruit and British cheese for dessert.

I have noticed this too. Marks still seem to have stuck to their curry gradings but loads of their ready meal stuff is now much hotter than it used to be and, as you say, adding chilli to dishes that traditionally don't contain it. They also seem to have this "thing" about putting fashionable ingredients in everything. I am looking at YOU chorizo and nduja.

this.

boomer here, no it isn't. I have always got mayo, salad cream (call it remoulade to be posh) thousand island and tartare on hand.

I’m surprised by people saying fruit in savoury food is modern. Most older people will have heard of Duck à la Orange, even if they hadn’t tried it and I can distinctly remember having curry containing apple and sultanas in the 1970s.

Omg YES. 👏

Was working on the premiss my parents liked salad cream and I really don’t!

And doesn’t the original Coronation Chicken recipe contain fruit?

👆👆exactly this.

I know you sound frustrated but your actions are actually really considerate and kind towards her. Keep doing that, it's the right approach.

I suspect you’re right but no need to laugh. I don’t know how old MIL is but plenty of people didn’t / don’t have the financial opportunity to travel or even leave their local communities. Going back a bit, multiculturalism wasn't established as it is now. My grandparents also thought they ate everything and they ate a limited selection of meat and veg. It was normal then. MIL may not have experienced a wider variety of food to know it exists.

If she didn’t want to make a fuss she’d eat what she was given without comment. Someone may prefer meat and two veg but there’s nothing to stop them eating an alternative (allergies aside). As the OP has said it’s not as easy just letting her go hungry. Someone sat at a table with a miserable face not eating is no fun for anyone. My mother is like the OP’s MIL never wants to make a fuss and then sits there with a face like a slapped arse because she’s been given something she doesn’t like. Or if a restaurant has served a meal that is somehow wrong eg uncooked instead of just saying something so they can put it right mutters under her breath about the issue instead of saying something because she ‘doesn’t want to make a fuss’! Then declares we can never go to that restaurant again because of her awful meal. It’s infuriating.

I think it's peculiar not to try new things. How would we ever know what we like without trying it? She must have tasted salad cream for the first time once! Not knowing what a taco is is not a dietary requirement.

Yes, flicking through an old cookery book, the victorians were into dried fruit and spices (but not chilli) in all kinds of dishes.

yeah and ox tongue and ox tail as well as other hideous animal body parts

She obviously assumed everyone eats beige food and doesn’t consider that the healthy options you were offering her actually qualify as food!

Gammon with pineapple was a standard item on Berni Inn menus and the like back in the 1970s. I used to visit an old lady (possibly born in the 1890s) who thought meat and fruit together was an abomination, and specifically mentioned gammon and pineapple. I suspect she would have been perfectly happy to eat chutney or Branston pickle, which is full of fruit and eaten with savouries.

Nothing hideous about eating all parts of the animal. Some chefs make a big feature of it - tail to toe eating, I think.

Yes, apricot puree I think.

Gen Z? Taco bell? We were eating tacos in the 90s in a working class household

My parents are in their late 70s and incredibly adventurous eaters - always up for trying something new!

Chickpeas are SO beige

I grew up in multicultural London and ate a huge variety of food. I recall chilli with rice/jacket potatoes and sometimes Doritos on the side, but I honestly can’t recall even saying the word taco until recently!

But it would be for someone who claims to eat everything. If she'd admitted she was a picky eater from the start, fine.