AIBU to feel hurt when one school mum ignores me in groups

[Annie2163]

(I think I have RSD. I know I have ADHD. Just for context not an excuse).

I feel really upset today at a children’s party the school mums and I were standing around and chatting and another mum came who I chat to too but she went around hugged everyone and made small talk and bypassed me! Every other mum who entered thereafter she made the effort to hug. After a while I went up to her and spoke to her she was fine but she does this often. There’s no excuse as we all know each other equally well and it’s rude to do that in my opinion. It makes me feel crap when she does that. I wouldn’t care and could make peace with the fact she doesn’t like me but then she makes the effort one to one! She often says hi to be but I’ve noticed she has mood swings that she’s fine sometimes But in a group setting she blatantly ignores me.

how can I not let it get to me? People who understand RSD will know why this is so hard.

Rather than using mind-control and being jealous, she might not give you a moment's thought. She just doesn't want to be friends for some reason, probably nothing to do with you. I think some MN posters grossly overestimate how much time other people spend thinking about them.

If she's engaging one to one, she doesn't hate you, this is a power play. Are you extra nice to her because she does this to you? Some people see that niceness as a weakness and an okay to continue being on and off.

Thank you for your observation, of course it's occurred to me, but why would somebody 'just not like me'? I'm the mutts nuts!

If she 'doesn't just like me' why is she nice sometimes, at her choosing?

So thanks but I haven't 'just dreamt up' anything, neither has the OP, and reading behind the lines of the defensive tone of your reply, I would hazard that you know exactly how this game works and could probably teach Regina George a thing or two!

Wishing you all the very best xoxoxo

Lol. As explained in my post I'm still polite to people I don't like, only rude arseholes are rude to people or refuse to engage in basic social niceties. Chatting to someone politely to avoid confrontation does not for one minute mean I actually like them or want to be friends with them. The problem comes when people like the woman plaguing me and OP take any sign of politeness as a green light to go full BFF on someone and can't understand why they don't want a limpet. She will be nice to you sometimes of her choosing to avoid social awkwardness. We learn as children that we all have to rub along together and that means being nice to people we don't really like just to avoid conflict in situations where we can't avoid eachother like school pickup.

I'm not defensive at all, don't know where you got that idea from. Just pointing out that more often than people blowing hot and cold isn't a power play, it's not all about you, it's just someone tolerating someone they wish would leave them alone. God I wish my limpet would leave me alone! But she's my stable neighbour so I can't just tell her to fuck off because I don't like her can I? I have to be cordial to keep the peace like we do when we have to get on with people we don't like in all walks of life. She thinks just like OP and you do about the social warfare she perceives but none of us put any effort into the games she thinks we're playing, we put all our effort into avoiding her where possible and being cordial when we can't! I just want to be left in peace to enjoy my hobby, like lots of mums just want to be left in peace to drop their kids off.

As per PP, a lot of people on MN seem to vastly overestimate the amount of time other people spend thinking about them. Just forget about this woman and her imaginary power play. She'll probably be grateful you've moved on and she won't have to entertain your need socialising with her anymore.

If you think not wanting to befriend someone you don't like when they try to insert themselves into an existing friendship then guilt trip everyone for not including them and as a by-product ruin all the nice times you were previously enjoying with your friends is Regina George territory then that explains a lot about why you think everyone is waging social warfare so often in your life!

If you know you are adhd, and suspect rsd, then you already know that your mind is playing against you and will only look for evidence to support this perceived rejection. Or, the other mum really is just a complete nob.
How are other things in your life? Where do you feel you can find the validation that you need and are clearly not going to get from other mums? Focus on that.