To think telling a child to "cover up" because of male teachers is ewwww?

[FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling]

DD and her mates were wearing fairly standard vest tops at school for an own clothes day. All dressed exactly the same. DD singled out and told to cover up (I suspect because she is slightly larger chested than the others), which she found humiliating. She was told "there are male teachers around" as the reason!
They are 16.
I kind of think if male teachers can't keep their eyes to themselves, they shouldn't be teachers, right?!

AIBU to think this is a bit off?

Didn’t Sting write a song about this? Not aged very well those lyrics!

Again you're misunderstanding.

Its not about whether it bothered YOU. Its about showing respect to the people around you. Most people would be upset if someone turned up inappropriately dressed for a funeral.

Just because you can't understand this concept doesn't mean it doesn't exist and isn't understood by most people.

However, you seem to understand more than your willing to admit, because you admit that a GP in a bikini would be weird. So all we are arguing about is where to draw the line - you admit there is a line, somewhere, more than just 'genitals covered'.

At 16 your DD knows she is looking busty, if she wants to show it off fair enough, if she didn't realise how much she is showing someone giving a heads up is also fair enough

But yes school shouldn’t have phrased it about being about the male gaze. It should just have been that it’s an inappropriate look in a professional sense

Yeah this is why all teenage boys walk about in bra tops and hot pants.

Oh wait they don't.

Now I firmly believe women should wear what they please but to ignore how frequently womens clothes are designed to appeal to the male gaze and how woman are socially pressured into looking a certain way to increase their perceived value is naive indeed.

Teacher here, the comment mentioning the male teachers is perhaps flippant and misjudged, however I did have to politely point out to a pupil in my happens to be all girls class the other day that her bra was popping out, and a fellow pupil (fairly sure they were mostly in vest tops) gave out a shriek perhaps as they are aware this is more likely to happen with a vest top due to thin straps, as am I, and would not find it practical or professional to wear myself in that environment regardless of gender (or all the teenage boys around). My pupil was quick to yank it up and will hopefully be more aware next time.

I was referring to the teacher wearing that in a formal environment. Not the parents.

I think you’re misunderstanding. I’m not talking about whether I care or not generally - you asked me how I would react, so I responded.

My point is that why is skin such an issue for others? What is it that people are struggling with? I think it’s important to reflect on where our thoughts and opinions come from, not just simply accept that they exist. This is what I am asking (repeatedly), why does showing shoulders, or tops of arms or tops of thighs make people uncomfortable. I’ve already stated genitalia should be covered and that bikinis would be wrong to wear in these environments. But what is wrong with a tank top and a pair of shorts?

I think I’ve answered this (multiple times now)

So young girls are wanting to show off their bodies but when people notice their bodies that is wrong

And in an education setting same as work place there is a line of what is acceptable for males and females

Sorry, but that’s bollocks. Women’s clothes are designed to make women feel pretty, comfortable and happy with themselves. Not to attract men.
And plenty of boys wear shorts, tank tops or no tops in warm weather.

A tank top often shows cleavage, is that coming under genitalia or not? Cleavage isn't "just" skin like a shoulder or thigh.

As the post above says if a girl is wearing short skirt or low top and a male teacher looks in her direction simply to speak to her then he is open to vindictive accusations and she will be believed by the sisterhood.

Fwiw I'd have the same issue with boys showing bum crack in low slung trousers, boys with hotpant type shorts so you could see penis outline, boys with midriff out. None of those are appropriate in school either.

Cleavage is not private parts. It’s a sexualised characteristic, but it’s a normal part of a woman’s body.

I’d complain op, I don’t know why people are comparing your daughter wearing a vest top to having her arse out, it’s not the same thing at all.

I’m not a fan of school uniform or strict dress codes.

But I can understand an argument for no vests - for girls or boys - unless covered with a cardigan or jacket. It’s a professional environment. Though surely a strappy sundress is no different. Which is why dress codes are based on fashions, rather than logic.

However, the comment about male teachers is weird. First, because women should never have to consider (nor young women be encouraged to consider) the male gaze when dressing.

And second, because (obvs lesbian, bi) female teachers can perv at girls too. As our PE teacher used to when we had to use the communal showers 🤢

Okay, you just don’t understand the difference between formal and informal settings. Formal = smart or smart casual. Shorts and a vest top are not smart, it’s not about skin.

Wifebeaters aka vests are never appropriate as outer wear, it is underwear. A 16-year old girl with a large chest in a vest is not exactly an image of a child.

vest tops have always been against dress codes at my work place and they are against the dress code for non uniform days and for 6th form at my daughter’s school. It’s just accepted really in lots of places.

While my youngest at primary doesn’t have a dress code as such I’ve had to stop her from wearing some ridiculous things to school on mufti day.

It was a non-uniform day - i.e. non-formal. General school-wear no, for the reasons you describe.

i don’t think there is anything wrong with children learning some clothes are more appropriate for the beach than school. Just the same as when they are in the workplace most likely they will have basic standards of dress expections!

No one on school or a professional workplace should have their bottom, chest or stomach on show

Some of the mindsets on this thread. And we wonder why victim blaming and violence against women is still rife. I’m genuinely amazed for a majority female site.

Vest tops aren't appropriate for a school environment, whether on a boy, girl or teacher of either sex.

And you know that op.

Even my DC primary school has rules about dressing appropriately on non uniform occasions.