To think telling a child to "cover up" because of male teachers is ewwww?

[FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling]

DD and her mates were wearing fairly standard vest tops at school for an own clothes day. All dressed exactly the same. DD singled out and told to cover up (I suspect because she is slightly larger chested than the others), which she found humiliating. She was told "there are male teachers around" as the reason!
They are 16.
I kind of think if male teachers can't keep their eyes to themselves, they shouldn't be teachers, right?!

AIBU to think this is a bit off?

Yeah US schools aren’t like in the TV shows. Many have uniforms. Those that don’t because every day is none uniform day the kids actually dress pretty sensibly because pushing the boundaries every day gets old pretty quick.

What is wrong with shoulders?! Who decided they were inappropriate?! 😂😂

So you'd be happy if they turned up in a bikini?

I would complain to the school.

Yes your dd needs to learn which outfits are appropriate for which settings but I'd be seriously concerned that the teacher in question thinks a male colleague is attracted to minors and would be asking for this to be investigated.

The explanation is wrong but even on non-uniform days a school is a formal environment. I use the example of how awkward the students would feel if I wore scrunch bum leggings or a low cut top to work.

Wouldn’t bother me, except I think you might be a little chilly 😂
But your point irrelevant anyway, she didn’t turn up in a bikini. She wore a vest top and imagine shorts. All the important bits were well covered. The rest is just skin.

Its not about it 'bothering' people (as though the teachers are rushing out to clutch some pearls between classes) .

Do you really not understand the concept of dress codes, about some outfits not being right for certain settings? Have you really never come across this concept? Would you be OK with visiting the GP and them sitting there in a bikini? Or going to a funeral in a crop top?

OP, I agree that the school shouldn't frame it as 'because the male teachers..' though, and the rule should be applied consistently not just big chested girls pulled up. That's not right. If you're going to complain I would make it about those 2 points, not the dress code per se as that's not really a point you can win - its up to the school to set and by sending your child there you implicitly agreed to it.

Idgaf what the kids wear and frankly on non uniform days some of them come in wearing a couple of scraps of fabric.

it’s always quite funny when we do our sponsored walk - the older kids have mostly got the message but there’s always a few year 7s in super high heels and more or less a bikini and then they have to walk ten k.

the minibus does overtime picking them up once they have walked a k or so and realise how much it’s going to hurt their feet/how sunburnt they are going to get.

it’s a good thing it’s on the last day that’s all I can say.

So the teachers should wear whatever they want as well? You wouldn’t feel awkward at parents’ evening as long as their genitalia were covered?

GP in a bikini would be weird, crop top at a funeral wouldn’t bother me. Some ‘little black dresses’ some wear are just as form hugging. People seem to have an issue with skin, rather than body parts per se. I genuinely do struggle to understand why. It’s literally just skin 😂

I wear my own clothes to work every day, and under no circumstances would I wear a vest top. It’s not an appropriate situation for it, but I will give you the fact that they should ALL have been told to cover up if one was.

That's your opinion.

But it's not a general rule.

Most people understand that there's more to appropriate dress than simply covering the genitals. Most people would think that's a bit of a low bar!

I hate that teenage girls are being told to cover up because grown men or male peers will struggle to control themselves. Disgusting. And I can’t believe how many posters are agreeing with this. Awful lot of internalised misogyny on display.
I’ve had to have very strong words with a teacher that spoke to my daughter like that. Totally unacceptable.

They changed the uniform policy to ban skirts all together and the girls have been told it’s to “avoid any distraction” for the males in the school. Utterly appalling 🤢

This is the bit that's most off to me. Either tell them all to cover up, or none of them. Singling out one pupil, for whatever reason, is not okay.

Saying she has to cover up because of male teachers is also quite "ick". Is this an all girls school?

Your daughter, however, is not the only person in the room. So much of the classroom environment is impacted by things like how it looks, how the desks are arranged, what the weather is, what outside distractions there are and more. What the students are wearing is just one more factor in individual and, crucially, group mindset. If they are all wearing clothes that make them feel like they are at a party, clothes designed to flirt, clothes for a holiday, they aren’t going to be in the right mindset to work.

Just send her in something less clingy, less revealing, and more workplace appropriate next time, for everyone else’s sake.

Rules at DDs school...
No midrifd, no legs above the knee, no shoulders.

Its partly to protect male teachers (and indeed female teachers) from accusations such as "he gave me detention while staring at my chest" etc.

I do agree that the statement "cover up because there's male staff" is wrong and not a message to be shared. It should be "cover up because no one wants to see it".

If a mother turned up to a parents evening tonight in a crop top and pair of shorts it wouldn’t bother me. It’s warm, and she would be comfortable in it. Same as if a man came in wearing shorts and a tank vest. Same as if she came in wearing active wear, which covered her completely but showed the outline fully of all her body parts. Because I’m there to talk to her as a person, not to judge her clothing.
Wearing a bikini would be odd, not because of the amount being shown, but because it’s not contextual. They wouldn’t be swimming at a parents evening, or sunbathing.

Miss N ... seems to have a one-woman crusade on shoulders.

For school concerts, the recommendation is to wear black, usually smart, for the evening performance. The stage and the place where performers wait gets very hot.

Various girls due to perform have actually had requests for parents to bring something else in when they are in long, smart dresses, but with a top part that reveals shoulders!

It also seems to be a huge focus on dress standards and bodies heaped on the girls but almost nothing on the boys. DD has noticed and is now like a pressure cooker about this.

I am a teacher and yes I avert my eyes, especially when walking up stairs behind the micro mini skirts, pants on show. The girls are glancing behind and tugging their skirts down because they know their bums are on show and someone is behind them, not that I ever say anything. Between that and me almost closing my eyes, it's pretty unsafe for everyone and yes uncomfortable. It's awkward for any teacher, male or female, to say anything. Even though the pupils have signed up to the dress code, they will come back with the "but it doesn't affect my learning" line, as do their parents. And I don't want to embarrass them.

No matter what teachers say, and I have heard the male teachers remark which I guess some teachers trot out as a last resort, the pupils will do it anyway. Male teachers say nothing because they feel they can't, so the effort with uniform isn't fairly shared among staff. We give up and pretend not to see in my school. I don't mind saying it makes me feel uncomfortable, because these people are children, they are underage and though the words decency, privacy and dignity aren't cool, they do matter? Teachers follow a dress code too.

If this was a non uniform day then that's slightly different.

The male teacher thing is wrong and gives a wrong idea indeed, but everyone should dress appropriately for school or a workplace.

But she wasn’t there in a bikini. She was in a tank top and something on her bottom half. Considerably more than just ‘genitals’ being covered. Why is that outfit not ok? What is it that bothers people? I want them to question and reflect on why it makes them uncomfortable, not just that it does.

?? at the replies; no one is at risk of showing butt cheeks or genitalia in the OP's scenario! Her daughter was asked to change because she was wearing vest top. These are pretty standard, appropriate, performance-optimised wear for many types of athletics in many climates.

IF she violated the dress code (e.g., "no sleeveless tops", clearly stated) then yes, she should have been asked to change. If others wearing the same thing were not also asked to change, that could be an oversight (e.g., daughter's talking with Liv, who is wearing a T shirt, while Eve and Kate and standing five feet away in identical vest tops; daughter is asked to change but Eve and Kate are not) rather than discrimination (all four girls are in a group talking; teacher steps in to ask daughter to change her shirt but ignores Eve and Kate). Either way, though, daughter has no recourse because it's clear that she shouldn't have been wearing the shirt. If the dress code is ambiguous, the teacher should have explained the violation.

What was categorically wrong was for the teacher to say that the reason the daughter was asked to change was because "there are male teachers around". Just tell her how she violated the dress code or what objective harm her outfit was doing, if any.

I agree and I don't. I'm pretty slender with huge boobs, always have been. I would love to wear certain things people who are straight up and down do to the office, but I'd look unacceptable. Yes, it is annoyingly offputting and a bad message to be delivering, but certain clothes do look sexually indecent on certain body types as a lesson in general. Giving male teachers are the reason is unacceptable though.

Flashing the flesh in a professional situation is inappropriate and it is never too early to learn that IMO