To think telling a child to "cover up" because of male teachers is ewwww?

[FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling]

DD and her mates were wearing fairly standard vest tops at school for an own clothes day. All dressed exactly the same. DD singled out and told to cover up (I suspect because she is slightly larger chested than the others), which she found humiliating. She was told "there are male teachers around" as the reason!
They are 16.
I kind of think if male teachers can't keep their eyes to themselves, they shouldn't be teachers, right?!

AIBU to think this is a bit off?

It was an utterly idiotic thing for you as a teacher to tell a child they looked 'amazing' in an outfit that was too revealing for school, and that such an outfit suits them! Can't you see how easily this can be misconstrued or twisted to land you and the school in a world of trouble!

I'm glad that you self referred.
Are you in a union? Inform them as well, just in case the HT investigates your conversation and takes it further.

Oh come on.
People do not offer themselves as indiscriminate spectacles or objects. Gawping is not the same as noticing.
Modesty has to begin in the eye of the beholder.

My Daughter goes to a non uniform school, there are rules around the length of shorts or skirt, low cut tops and crop tops, no tight gym gear for the boys and the girls. A lot of the boys are retro or goth, after school they wear a lot of fishnet tops and spandex but not in school.
Most including DD wear joggers and a t shirt for school.

If by protect you mean - remove all possibility. No of course it doesnt.

Sadly there isnt a guarantee any of us can ensure protection from a predatory person. Which is awful.

But covering up may avoid drawing attention from some.

Bollocks!

Perving! I don't if you have a man in your life but, if you do and you think that he hasn't looked at a woman then he has either milk in his veins or you are living up a mango tree with no idea what the monkeys are doing at the bottom of it!

I hate this, " My shit doesn't stink" type of post.

I think that you should complain and ask the safeguarding lead if that's a message to give to girls, change your behaviour so men don't react in certain ways to you. I hauled a female teacher over the coals when my DD, who had horrendous Endometriosis and heavy bleeds (hospital intervention from 14) was told to be more discreet, getting a pad out of her bag, when a male teacher is taking the class. They wasn't allowed to take their bags to the toilet.

However, we do have cultural norms around dress, in different circumstances. The skirts are getting too short. Combined with full make up, it screams lack of self esteem. I think that it's better for a girl to be in school, in that state, but we need to be building girls self esteem and countering the message that they need to look like sex dolls. Their male peer group are still hanging around in tracksuits etc. I think girls from some schools/families are being let down.

I dont have girls but surely its not appropriate to wear revealing clothes unless its attention seeking and when they get into the workplace they will hopefully know that cant wear just anything. Otherwise why wear a top that shows cleavage if you dont want anyone looking at it.

Last year I was on a a flight back from Turkey and a young women got on with such a low top that the check in agents stopped her getting on. Why would you dress like that unless you wanted attention. In the end people were laughing at her. Its as though she was daring someone to speak to her

I work in an all girls' school....some of them are showing their butt cheeks..

I am a staunch feminist, but there's a happy medium of being appropriate or not. I'd argue that a vest top wouldnt be appropriate for e.g. drama/movement class if they are concerned about straps slipping or showing underwear. Comfortable and practical, not necessarily formal on non uniform day/mufti.

I had a few comments/negative feedback from some work experience 6th form students workplaces for not being aware of, or understanding that e.g. crop tops are not appropriate for the office. So it's good to have expectations at school that prepare them for the workplace.

Otherwise, everyone saying wear what you want all the time is misleading/confusing.

I know. It's basic, isn't it? You don't make comments like that. It would be a suspension pending investigation where I work.
I think she's self referred to the SLT though, possibly SL.

No wonder some kids these days grow up with no resilience. Told off at school for something and they can't cope. Mummy goes running to Mumsnet for validation that poor little princess was treated badly.

What was he looking at her for then? Why is acceptable to stare at anyone, regardless of what they're wearing?

I am a big advocate for dressing appropriately for the occasion, but in all honesty it doesn't matter what anyone is wearing, it's up to the person looking to not do it when it's not appropriate.

Guessing you manage to not stare at men or women when they have shorts on? Why is the rule different for men staring at women?

You accused the girl of putting herself in the shop window.

You also treated her like a piece of meat or an Amsterdam sex worker.

This is misogyny.

To be fair, is it always 'perving' to look at something that's being displayed in public?

If it's wrong to look at something, shouldn't the person cover it up? If I don't want people looking at my arse, then having it uncovered is rather counterproductive. The only reason to show my arse is if I want people to look at it.

ETA: Staring for ages is weird. Just as staring at a person's face for ages would be weird. But just looking briefly (long enough to go "Jesus, is that her whole arse out? Fucking hell, it is, she's just got her whole arse hanging out" before looking away again) doesn't seem like an issue.

You remind me of the mum off mean girls

“I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom”

🙄 it’s your job to teach your daughter about the world. If she thinks she’ll be taken seriously in a job interview wearing hot pants and a crop top she won’t. Just because you’re chill, a lot of us expect dress standards in different settings. I wouldn’t want my Dr with all their bits out for example.

Since Adam was a lad, young men and young women have eyed each other up.

Actually, given that her arse was almost-apart from her arsehole-on full display, I would have been amazed if he hadn't looked!

Some of these puritanical posts-laughable!

The question perhaps is why is the girl wearing a very low cut top, or flashing their knickers and bum.

I was walking behind some girls from our local school and honestly - I have to ask why dress like that. One girl - you could see her thong. Why are they doing it if not to get attention?

Looking around, noticing it and then carrying on with your day is very different to "looking at" something. Looking at suggests prolonged viewing, not just catching a glimpse of something.

I'm "looking at" my daughter at the moment and that means watching her (she's 4 and has a glue stick, she needs watching). I SAW the dog walk past but I wasn't "looking at" her.

She dressed like an Amsterdam sex worker.

It is not some thing. It is part of a human being. My nose is not covered up but I do not expect strangers to be staring up it doing bogey checks. My eyes are not covered up but I do not expect strangers to be staring into them like lovers.

Directing a fixed stare is rude.

Men need to be taught modesty.

Ah, historically it was done so it must always be done? No possible way to change behaviour to be more respectful?

Tell your daughter to cover up and dress appropriately not because of male teachers but because it’s inappropriate to display body parts outrageously if that’s what she was doing. This shouldn’t even be a topic of discussion. There’s a time and place for certain outfits.

@SweetSummerHerbs even though I think that ghere is appropriate and inappropriate clothing, it depends on how long your DN was looking. A look, fair enough, staring is leering. There's a big African population around me and it doesn't matter if a black girls bum is covered, I see boys/men leering constantly. The look must have been long enough for him to be noticed. Girls and women's bodies are so over sexualised, we can't keep it out of the shop window.

You’ll get flamed for this but we all know this is how men and women work.

For those of us who are married or in relationships, we all did some form of mating dance to attract our partner. To pretend otherwise is naive and frankly laughable.

Women are just as bad, Magic Mike did very well at the cinemas did it not?

I agree with you.

Time to teach these girls that walking about with everything on display is not respectful to them or society as a whole.