To think telling a child to "cover up" because of male teachers is ewwww?

[FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling]

DD and her mates were wearing fairly standard vest tops at school for an own clothes day. All dressed exactly the same. DD singled out and told to cover up (I suspect because she is slightly larger chested than the others), which she found humiliating. She was told "there are male teachers around" as the reason!
They are 16.
I kind of think if male teachers can't keep their eyes to themselves, they shouldn't be teachers, right?!

AIBU to think this is a bit off?

The teacher told off one child individually and told her to consider the reaction of male teachers.
I would report this to the Principal, and above.
If it was actually said. I find it hard to believe a teacher would say this, knowing well that it is a serious accusation that could have devastating effects for the school. I am sure that this would be covered under training guidelines.

My question on these threads is that we need to ask ourselves why young women want to wear such short skirts and have cleavage out at school. Young men tend not to do this at school, they aren't rolling their trousers up to the thighs for example.

So, why do you think this is?

Who said anything about 'unthinkingly'? Every response on here gave a perfectly good reason, explaining why it is OK or not OK.

Toxic masculinity -- clothing as armour. Internalised homophobia.

Why though? What actually happens when people 'notice'?

Either they're decent men and they register and move on to teaching that child or whatever.

Or they're predatory men who shouldn't be teachers (or anything to do with children or women.) Men who will likely find something to predate over, whatever the child is wearing.

That's it. Those are the two options, and neither of them are the responsibility of the child.

What a good thing teen girls don't compete in seeing if male react if they pull their necklines down to show more cleavage and wind up those teachers.

You too 💛

Absolutely. Teachers should know not to say this, it should be reported.

Thank you x

3,2,1 no more own clothes days.

Its that simple because people have to always push the boundaries because 'its their right'.

How about everyone dresses like this

Love it. Comfortable and practical - who doesn't like Jedi robes?

The point is afawk there are no such rules in place in this scenario.

'Non uniform day, no vests allowed, no crop tops, shorts or skirts need to be mid thigh or longer.'

Absolutely fine.

But that is not what happened here.

Well clearly I have paraphrased the conversation. And yes, I did, which was the right reaction for that student. (If you want full details, I then flagged to Head of 6th and her Tutor for them to pick up with her if appropriate. Head of 6th did a general assembly on suitable attire - it was the beginning of the hot weather and all students just needed a reminder about what is okay in the summer. Our 6th form does not wear uniform).

All fully trained in safeguarding as legally required.

Uniform standards in school are important, as this thread demonstrates. My only reason for posting was an attempt to show parents what it’s like on the other side, and how careful we have to be when we have these conversations with students. I genuinely think it is easier for female staff to tackle this than male staff. Especially where it’s not clear cut. (Skirt length is much easier - it’s either on your knee or it isn’t).

I’m confident I took the right approach for that student. It had to be specific to them. Not sure if you meant to be rude, patronising or it’s just your tone, but enjoy your day.

I happen to agree with the meaning behind it and what another PP who is a Teacher has advised. It hasn't been said from a position that "men can't control themselves" 🙄honestly all this men are monsters is utter tripe and is starting to get quite exhausting nor is it being said in a way that women must cover up. I believe it is being said to ensure young people understand that their are certain environments in which dressing appropriately is required and I firmly believe that a School/Educational setting is one of them. My DSD has non uniform day today and she had her top zipped too low this morning she was told to cover herself up..... she did but she has also probably unzipped it again when she gets to School but I know she will be told by staff to zip it back up.....

Perhaps the fact an adult doesn't already know tells us something about the root of the issue?

A vest top can mean a number of things, but all it needs is a few silly girls to shriek "Oooooo Mr So-and-so was looking at your boobs!!!", a few more wanting to get in on the excitement and the usual school gate gossip for a very ugly situation to develop

My only reason for posting was an attempt to show parents what it’s like on the other side

Edited to add that unfortunately some don't care, @StillTryingToKeepGoing ... for these the titilation of school gate rumours about "Mr being a paedo" will always be more appealing than common sense

The reason given could have been worded better, but all children, regardless of sex, ought to learn, at home, how to dress appropriately for different occassions and for the bodies they have.

A 38 yr old with a very slim body may look appropriate in clothes that a 16 year old with a larger body may not.

Sometimes it doesn't hurt to have a bit of humility as a parent and see what the teacher was really trying to address rather than nitpicking how it was said.

Two things can be true at once.

Male teachers should not be looking at their students bodies in an inappropriate way.

Equally if I was a male teacher and my students were showing cleavage i would feel at risk of allegations and therefore uncomfortable.

I think in any work or study environment people, including children should be dressed appropriately. And it isnt appropriate for your daughter to have her cleavage out at school regardless of uniform or nonuinform days.

I accept women shouldnt be asked to cover up "because some men cant control themselves" but equally its like saying i shouldnt have to lock my doors and have an alarm to prevent burglars. In an ideal world that would be true but it isnt so I do lock my door and do cover up.

Asking her to cover up both protects her from anyone who may be inappropriate. And prevents the possibility of allegations ensuring everyone is comfortable and safe.

I find it hard to believe a school doesn't have rules on non uniform days, to be honest.

There's every chance they've not been passed on by the child, missed by the parent, completely ignored because the OP thinks teachers should be non-conformists to teach her child she doesn't have to follow rules....

Not wearing something that you wouldn't wear to an interview for a job as a civil servant.

If you're going for a job as a cage dancer, then wear a vest top with your tits hanging out.

Your daughter-and you-need to buy a dictionary, look up the word appropriate and commit its meaning to heart.

My nephew was looking at a girl-both aged 17-who had her arse hanging out of a piece of string that was pretending to be shorts. Her friend saw him looking and yelled out "What are you looking at perv!"

He was mortified, head down, blushing. I went over and said, in a loud voice-He's looking at your arse. IF you don't want lads to look at your arse, don't put it in the shop window.!

I wasn't going to have my nephew shamed for looking at a big fat arse that was put on display for exactly that purpose and not should any teacher be made to feel uncomfortable if a pair of tits are on display for the same reason.

I'm amazed that you are trying to defend your girl going to school is something that she has had to be spoken about. Why didn't you speak to her yourself?

Bodyshaming is not OK.

Covering up does not protect.

No, it's not and nor is shaming anyone who looks at bits of the body that aren't normally on show

I see many viewpoints here, however as a large chested woman (G cup) I like to consider whether my body is the first thing people notice or my face. I don’t see it as empowering to walk around with my boobs in peoples faces, I feel no shame about my boobs as I breastfed happily for a long time, even in public. I just don’t want to be known as my boobs in general day to day settings, especially not at work.

Whether you like it or not, in professional settings (of which school is one) you should endeavour that your face is the first thing noticed not your boobs or arse. Same goes for men when they waltz around topless in summer (gross) or wear those awful tight skinny trousers where you can see the outline of genitalia.

It isn’t empowering to most of us to walk around with all your bits out, most revealing clothing is far less comfortable. For sticky school chairs in summer, linen trousers vs a short skirt where your thighs stick to it for example. A loose cotton t shirt is comfier than straps in heat for most of us as straps dig in. So let’s not pretend this was purely about comfort, this was about fashion and making a point which you’re further trying to make.

Your daughter and her friends synced their outfits and peer pressure was at play. Seeing some of the local teen girls around by me, it seems to be the thing. I really don’t understand how these revealing clothes are comfortable and it’s most likely used to garner some form of attention as it does.

The male teacher comment was completely wrong, it should’ve been stated that a lot of us older women (I’m only 30) also feel uncomfortable seeing very young girls with their arses and tits out when I go past school at drop off. I’ve seen so many butt cheeks when walking past the school and it makes me cringe that we still haven’t moved past being wanting to be seen as sexual objects instead of serious competitors to men. Didn’t see any teen boys with their body on show in comparison…

Your nephew was perving and was called out.