To think telling a child to "cover up" because of male teachers is ewwww?

[FreeeeeeeeFreeFalling]

DD and her mates were wearing fairly standard vest tops at school for an own clothes day. All dressed exactly the same. DD singled out and told to cover up (I suspect because she is slightly larger chested than the others), which she found humiliating. She was told "there are male teachers around" as the reason!
They are 16.
I kind of think if male teachers can't keep their eyes to themselves, they shouldn't be teachers, right?!

AIBU to think this is a bit off?

But again, I didn't mention anything to do with crotches in my original post at all. Not have I tried to censor anyone. In fact i clearly said we are both entitled to our opinions. I am not sure what you are referencing when you say 'if you cant talk about it on here', because i did, and so obviously can. It is you who are getting irate by my posts and asking me to educate myself and change my views not the other way round. I have seen young women with bum cheeks out, not at school but at one racing day at a race course. I have never seen knickers and crotches on display at school. I have seen many many men with their tops off though, often in placesthat i dont think is acceptable. I dont think that means they are asking for it, which was the point of my original post. I have no issues with wearing clothes appropriate to the situation, i just don't think the reason should be because males may be uncomfortable particualry adult males in a school, that worries me greatly. I dont belive I have been rude to you at all, and I respect your right to disagree. Of course people agree with you, people agree with me too, that is what having diverse opinions are all about. It doesn't make me wrong and you right or vice versa, it just means we come from different perspectives which is fine and actually interesting. If you do want to change people's minds though, being aggressive about it is only going to back them more into their corner rather than being open to what you have to say.

I actually don't disagree about there being standards for clothing.

The serious problem here though is they didn't say no vest tops. It was said to OP's daughter presumably because of her large chest. So she hadn't broken any rules. She was made to feel ashamed and like she was responsible for adult men.

I was a teenager in the 90s. Most teens were slim or skinny. I remember ten years later noticing that teens had become much larger with around half of them near my workplace being overweight. I just noticed because it was different.

What I loved was that they all dressed the same. The entire group would be in mini skirts, belly tops or whatever. In my teen era the 'fat girl's (ugh) would have been told she couldn't get away with that and given an alternative.

OP's large chested daughter should not be treated differently to her friends. If nobody is allowed vests then fine.

Exactly

It depends what you mean by humiliation. Does being told an outfit shows an uncomfortable amount of skin count as humiliating?

Personally, I don't think your daughter should've been singled out unless she was showing a large amount of cleavage while the other girls had none showing. It should be higher-necked tops for all, if vest tops are an issue for some. And the teacher shouldn't have highlighted how male teachers might feel - it was unnecessary.

It's really difficult to judge if the school was being unreasonable in this particular scenario without knowing how low cut the top was, and how much it showed. But in general, I think expecting students and teachers to not show cleavage, and to wear bottoms that cover them to mid-thigh at least, is reasonable.

In my school there would have been strict guidelines on what to wear. It was always really clear.

OP's daughter broke no rules and the other girls were not told off.

I really can't see what posters here seem to be missing.

She was body shamed.

DD’s school actually specifies no vest tops for non uniform days. It isn’t a day at the beach!

Thankful that there are teachers like you, who help girls enjoy the world and not hide from it.

How on earth is a vest top inappropriate for school?
what the heck

I have been neither aggressive nor am I even slightly irate. You are the one reeling off essays. You mentioned the wet dreams yet told me mentioning erections was rude.

We are never going to agree or get on. I would wish you a lovely bank holiday, but that would just be me being a PA dick.

Over and out.

Of course it is - just as it’s inappropriate for work, or most places.

If classes were regularly taught out in nature, including at the beach or riverside, we would have a healthier, more responsible, less anxious generation.

Most places? A vest top is inappropriate for most places??? Wtaf.

What nobody has mentioned is that boys are consistently expected to dress modestly. Most secondary schools don't even permit shorts.

Playing devil's advocate, is this because boys have more self control than girls and girls can't be expected to see male knees without melting? The males seem to be able to follow much stricter rules, so why can't the girls even have the wherewithal to follow the basics?

It is not modesty. Boys are forced into being little cloth robots of patriarchal gravitas.

When dd wore a crop top with a small amount of midriff on show the teacher said "You look nice but crop tops aren't allowed." I thought it was kind of the teacher to compliment her at the same time as saying it wasn't appropriate for school. Young girls can be sensitive about their appearance and the teacher was recognising that. Absolutely no safeguarding issues about it 🙄

I'm a female and i dont think its necessary (or appropriate) for girls to be showing off their arse or boobs at school, so i think there is context appropriate dress - for boys and girls. Short skirt fine, seeing gusset and/or arse cheeks = not fine (in my view).

Nothing to do with men/boys being able to control themselves.

But I do also suspect its partly that the girls want the attention from boys (or it was in my day anyway...and i have recrntly overheard a girl explain to a boy they have their skirts so short to give the boys a boner!). Walking behind girls walking to school they're constantly checking the back of their skirts, which makes me think they're not totally comfortable (or at ease) with the length.

maybe schools should stop non uniform day then if they are going it be so ridiculous

abd really what’s the point of been having uniform when they do so many bloody non uniform days anyway

Not sure what a PA dick is, but as I wished you a nice bank holiday first I am sure I wouldn't think you were one. I didnt mean mentioning the erction was rude, I said your sentence was rude, how could i, i mentioned it first. You seem irate to me but if course you know you so I accept you are not. Starting posts with 'jesus' feels irate. Of course i dont belive writing long posts is rude or aggressive, its just how I communicate. I havent been trying to agree, this is a public forum and i am debating, nor do i think that having differencies of opinions means we dont 'get on' (but as anonymous strangers on an Internet forum we dont have to) My toxic trait though which i have had since childhood is i love to have the last word, which i apoeat to have done here, apologies for that. Have a nice weekend in a none PA dick way.

Me too. I’d bet money that embellished extra tale didn’t actually happen. Can you imagine a teacher saying this.
It is a distraction for teachers and other students, not because they’re turned on, because there is a time and place for wearing a vest top, whether you have larger breasts or a flatter chest.

Yes, it's really very peculiar. I think a lot of people don't really understand how much schools have changed.

Yes if kids where regularly swimmming etc it would do them the world of good and hopefully let them just accept their body’s

Bloody hell.

What are posters missing here?

The teacher told off one child individually and told her to consider the reaction of male teachers.

The question isn't should vests be allowed in school.

How about staff and students all wear gender-neutral chitons then

Agree.

Body shaming also ends up being classist, racist, and ableist, as different phenotypes do exist, as does differential access to leisure for exercise and healthy food.

tl;dr shaming one girl is bad enough but it is also systemically bad

If she was working in an office for example .there would be strict rules also . I doubt anyone in the city or a bank would be wearing a vest top! Many years ago I worked in an office ,Vest tops then were a no no and girls were sent to get changed if wearing one