Male hospital staff

[ToadRage]

I don't really know how i feel about this or if I'm just being a bit precious. I had an appointment for a transvaginal ultrasound a couple of weeks ago. I was a bit shocked to find the sonographer was a man. A female nurse was present and she did all the talking, he barely said a word to me. I have had ultrasounds before but they have always been done by women. He was professional and nothing out of the ordinary happened but I felt a bit awkward as I haven't had a man down there except my husband in 20+ years, not even a male doctor. Am I wrong in thinking I should have been told it was going to be done by a man, maybe given the option to request a woman or AIBU?

In my local hospital, scheduled transvaginal ultrasounds are thankfully only performed female members of staff, as are the Mammograms. I would have felt extremely uncomfortable if mine had been carried out by a male. Mind you, the female Sonographer who did mine barely said a word to me and seemed completely pissed off that she was having to do it. There was also palpable tension between the Sonographer and the chaperoning member of staff, I'm not sure if they just disliked each other or if they'd had a falling out of some sort. Even with all female staff it was still a very uncomfortable (physically & atmospherically!) experience.

They are medical professionals, it’s nothing to do with gender.
I have been examined by male and female practitioners. I recently had an internal and external ultrasound by a male.
I was grateful to have received a prompt appointment and to have the procedure completed. I did not care what sex the sonographer was.

What's nothing to do with gender (or rather, sex)?

How rude.

Thankfully I've never needed this procedure so I haven't considered the possibility it might not be done by a woman.

Every smear test I've had was carried out by a female nurse, and mammograms by all female staff, so it's quite reasonable I think to assume the same would be true for such an intimate scan.

Unreasonable to assume, not unreasonable to have asked in advance. Lesson for next time.

I have a slightly similar story where I had a lump in my breast, I was only 28, the sonographer to check my breast was male, he checked both breasts, he didnt make me feel uncomfortable at all very professional, however, the two female health care assistants in the room who just looked at me the entire time make me feel very uncomfortable!

I had this recently. A female nurse was there. No problem with it. They're medical professionals. He's not getting his rocks off over your vagina.

As a (male) nurse, I was involved in treatment of 'private bits' of men, women and children. So was my dad, my mum, my sister, and many of my relatives, both male and female.
As a patient, I've had a female surgeon do my vasectomy, and female nurses changing dressings when I had to have an operation 'downstairs'.
And guess what? Nothing untoward ever happened. Everyone was professional, and just did their job. Or was happy with their treatment.

Same.
I’ve always had female sonographers and I would expect to be notified in advance if it was going to be performed by a male so I had the chance to object. It is a very intimate procedure.

Probably not. Of course, that's not the only reason a woman might be uncomfortable, and in addition, medical professionals are capable of being inappropriate, pervy, or sex offenders.

This thread actually put me in mind of this one I remember reading late last year:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5430694-was-the-sonographer-being-a-creep

You do understand that some women will reasonably not be comfortable with receiving intimate care from you though, right?

Wouldn’t be bothered, not different to having male hca help with intimate care on a ward. I’d presume you’d need to request a female in advance.

He's not getting his rocks off over your vagina.

Maybe not, but why consider his feelings rather than the OP's? If she is uncomfortable by not being informed of the sex of the HCP, that's what is important here. She is not having the procedure for his benefit so her comfort is what is paramount here, not his.

what happened when you told them that you'd prefer a female staff member?

Yes, of course I do. But I never experienced that (I eventually left the profession).

I'm surprised a nurse would be this dismissive. You must surely be aware of what the issue is? Are you that clueless?

And as for 'nothing untoward' happening - I made a legitimate complaint about the clinical treatment I received at a breast clinic (by female staff), which caused an infection and ongoing issues over a decade later and the male head of the clinic called me in for a 'follow up meeting,' had me take off my top with no chaperone present, then left me topless while he tried to intimidate me. I had to shout to interrupt him and demand he give me my clothes back.

You should not be a nurse if you don't understand why women might feel uncomfortable around men.

Please see my answer above - yes I understand the issue, and I left the profession)

YANBU I would feel the same. In fact I probably would have cancelled.

Your original post suggested that you felt it was a non-issue.

I was with you until the “not had another man down there besides DH” line, just ick. The man’s doing his job, not wanting to shag you luv. 🤢

You're male. You can't possibly understand OP's feelings or empathise with her.

I understand the potential issue, but I never experienced it actually being one during my decade in the profession. Apologies for my lack of clarity.

As long as they are a trained medical professional, I really don't care whether that person is male or female. Whether they are straight or gay, they have absolutely zero interest in any of us, apart from as just another patient. Their sex is irrelevant.

I’m not sure why a man would want to specialise in transvaginal scans, breast screening etc. At best they don’t care about women’s feelings of discomfort.

Saying 'guess what? - nothing untoward ever happened' wasn't the best way to express that.

That's fine for you, but I don't feel that way so you don't speak for everyone.