to think some retired people completely forget what it’s like to be working full time?

[cupofcup]

I know retirement is not always easy and older people can have health issues, caring responsibilities etc. But I do think some people genuinely forget what it is like to juggle work, commuting, childcare, housework and just basic life admin all at once.

My DM is retired and will often say how busy she is because she has shopping on Tuesday and a doctor’s appointment on Friday. That is apparently an exhausting week. She is in good health and active. Meanwhile most working people are fitting those things around 40+ hour working weeks.

My retired neighbour constantly comments on how awful another neighbour’s garden looks and how she should tidy it up. The neighbour she is talking about is a working mum with young children who leaves the house at 7am every day. My retired neighbour has a gardener.

Obviously NOT ALL retired people are like this at all. Some are incredibly understanding and helpful. But others seem to completely lose perspective on how relentless working life can be, especially with children.

Why am I not surprised it's an older person bashing thread.

Am I the only one who gets pissed off at the sheer entitlement of people under 40. I honestly wonder if they know what hard work is.

True but in my case it is only the retired people who are judging me.

Well said.

Plus many of these elderly women are actually caring for others. Sometimes it's grandchildren; very often they're caring for those who are even older than them or simply not as fit as them.

I'll add that when my dad retired from coalmining, he helped my mother with the care for my grandfather and great uncle.

In my case, my dad died when I was 51; Mum died when I was 55. By then, I was also caring for my husband.

Now I'm a 66 yr old widow with some medical issues caused by moving and handling others.

When I was still working, I caused an uncomfortable silence in the staffroom one day by pointing out that my early work pension contributions were disregarded for dependents, purely because I was born with ovaries instead of testicles.

Anyway, guess I'll get back to being a burden for the rest of the day.

Its true that old age probably causes people to be more grumpy.

I don't have children or nieces or nephews. If i did have, i would try to think of their lives and not be selfish and think that i want them running round after me.

I always planned to pay for a carer in my old age. If i become too helpless, i will pay for euthanasia.

Yes I am WFH. Does this mean I must keep my nose to the grindstone all the time?

Who says we are under 40 on here? I am 42

Report it then.

I doubt it, they're just the ones you're hearing. There will be people on this forum who read your post and thought you could cook from scratch if you organised yourself better. Not me, I hasten to add.

It's younger people judging me for exactly the same behaviour. I'm sick of being told all ready meals are bad for you on food discussions.

Would you have MN clearly visible on your screen if you were working on an office with others around? Would your boss agree to you posting during work hours?

I recall my dad doing a bit of gardening, but having do to just a little at a time. His life experiences had really taken their toll on him.

In my case, I mainly worked in a school but my knees are shot and I've had two shoulder decompressions - at least one of which was required because of moving and handling adults.

Normally, the NHS will only operate on your dominant side, but I was lucky enough to get a sympathetic consultant who took on board that I'm on my own and need to be able to function independently.

Now when it comes to gardening, I can only do maybe half an hour at the time. The bending is an issue (as is kneeling). So far as my back is concerned, I'm told that the problem is osteoarthritis. The knees are a bit more complicated than that.

It actually turns out that - like many people - I have genetic problems with my feet, knees and a saphenous vein which I was able to breeze through to an extent when younger, but have caught up with me in old age. That's one of the reasons why things are more difficult now than they used to be.

I'm having to do specific exercises in order to retain my mobility. I know that that is the case for others - the 'Senior Flex' classes in my area are oversubscribed.

I am mid seventies. I do three and a half days a week childcare for grandchildren (8 am till 6;30). I volunteer at a local NT property and I do a bit of part time paid work. I am often asked to have grandchildren over night at the weekend. I worked exceedingly hard as a full time teacher and when my children were little it was very hard to find after school care.
In my view a lots of modern parents have it easier than my generation

I don’t mind them feeling busy, even if they are retired. I do mind the endless stress and toxic guilt they pile on me because I’m not retired. Their demands and demands on my time. Driven me to a breakdown because they refuse to accept I might need some rest or downtime around my full time demanding job and raising kids. It’s almost abuse. I’m all ears for how busy and tired they are in retirement because they are older and have less energy. They are deaf to my own exhaustion. I am fed up of their abusive behaviour trying to manipulate me into doing more and more and more now they’ve forgotten how it is to work.

My mum does her own very sweet version of it. She says “slow down, you’re doing too much! You need to stop taking on so much, you’ll make yourself ill”.

Im a single parent and I work full time. I cannot imagine what she thinks I should drop. Feeding the kids? Going to work? Taking the bins out? 😂 Everything in my schedule is non optional, this is just what life is like at this stage.

Her words do however make me feel less bad for not mowing my lawn for a few weeks or making the occasional launderette visit.

@bigfacthunter also single parent here.
I was going to mow my lawn last year, realised it was "no mow May" & that turned into "no mow 2025". Now we are back in May again & I've still not mowed the lawn 😂

IDGAF

I am not talking about people in ill health either - look at Torvill and Dean at 26 and 24 respectively and at their physical deterioration at the second Olympics when they were 10 years older. You know there is a reason top ballet dancers (classical) retire at 35? They can't perform at the same level, that is why. Google maximum muscle mass/reaction time/flexibility/recovery speed/balance, etc. - by ages - you will learn an awful lot!

It is only in the West that 'age is a number', 'menopause made me sex-hungry' and 'there is more than one gender', 'men and women are the same' and other bullshit. In the real world people understand that age is an important factor in everything.

Then why doesn’t your post talk about your mum instead of some retired people.
I think everyone would be a lot less offended if we weren’t constantly hearing on mumsnet how lucky we had it, how hard/busy your lives are and how it’s all our fault. Now that is tiring. And frankly, disrespectful to all the women who fought for the opportunity you now have to be so bloody busy.

YANBU. My DM’s idea of a busy day is putting on a load of washing and a trip to Asda.

If your DM is really acive and in good health, I would be very surprised that she felt two small appointments kept her busy. It doesn't actually make any sense.
I think it's wrong to judge others (not to say I'm not sometimes guilty of just that!).
I found life really difficult, when I had three youg childrren, a stressful and difficult job I didn't enjoy, scant support from DH and woken multiple times nightly.
It really hurt on some occasions when older people criticised my garden, no thank you letters to DH's relatives for presents for DC, or something about my house.
But some people enjoy judging others and I'm sure these people did this at whatever age they were.

I agree in some ways, OP, but it's like having a health condition or problem that you talk about with someone who'd never understand as they're in rude health.

I have had the most awful health problems over the past decade after a head injury and post concussion syndrome before being injured permanently by an off label antipsychotic that gave me a neurological involuntary movement disorder. I don't discuss this now in any way or depth either with my DH or my DM, as both are sympathetic up to a point but neither understand how debilitating it is not to have full brain capacity and how hopeless this has made me feel.

I agree with the PP who said about being at the stage in life where they're potentially looking at age, ill health, and lack of involvement in society etc. It's hard to come to terms with this, and I've had a decade to get used to being injured (and a "lesser" version of me).

Not everyone is of course in poor health during retirement, nor are they going to be less involved in social life, activities etc. But if they do struggle, I completely empathise.

My DM is very fortunate to be fit and healthy (and long may this continue!) It’s about being open minded to seeing how others might not be so fortunate too.

I’m 49.

i can’t run at all. I get out of breath walking a few steps.

i have a personal trainer.

i’m severely disabled and I always will be.

not everyone is able bodied. Some of us are doing the best we can with the bodies that we have and a fucking sick of people implying that nobody of the young age of 45 should god forbid have anything wrong with them.

Having just retired, after 40 years of an unbroken contract, teacher, headteacher and senior school improvement adviser, single parent of 3 and more recently step parent and grandparent of 5 - I deserve to STOP!

I am not going to feel guilty about that, I have done my bit, put in years of 12 hour days, long commutes and my children to bring up alone.

I am absolutely knackered!

Not just retirees to be honest.

My neighbour hasn't worked for a year, in her 40's and knows what everyone on our street is up to and doesn't quite understand that when I get home, 11 hours after leaving, I want to relax, not gossip and I don't always want an endless visit.

I have learned to be very blunt with her in the past year

It’s not just about whether an older person has physical energy, it’s also about mental energy. I’ll be sixty next year and am caring for a mentally unwell teenager. I’m physically quite robust and don’t really have any aches and pains. But my mental capacity for dealing with more than a couple of things at a time has shrunk significantly. After 10 years of caring for my mum with dementia, my youngest son has pretty much taken her place (there was some overlap too.) Sometimes, after years of stress and worry and holding things together, you get to the point where your brain starts to refuse the jump. I’m definitely going to be one of those retirees complaining about how busy I am if I have to post a parcel and go to the dentist on the same day, but it definitely won’t be because I’ve forgotten what a properly busy life looks like, despite being physically fit. It’ll be because I’m bloody knackered inside my skull. I’m not saying this is how it is for everyone, but maybe some younger people don’t appreciate what the aftermath of their current busy life is going to look like for them in the future.

An excellent phrase 'ruminate on BS'
I will be using that one !