to think some retired people completely forget what it’s like to be working full time?

[cupofcup]

I know retirement is not always easy and older people can have health issues, caring responsibilities etc. But I do think some people genuinely forget what it is like to juggle work, commuting, childcare, housework and just basic life admin all at once.

My DM is retired and will often say how busy she is because she has shopping on Tuesday and a doctor’s appointment on Friday. That is apparently an exhausting week. She is in good health and active. Meanwhile most working people are fitting those things around 40+ hour working weeks.

My retired neighbour constantly comments on how awful another neighbour’s garden looks and how she should tidy it up. The neighbour she is talking about is a working mum with young children who leaves the house at 7am every day. My retired neighbour has a gardener.

Obviously NOT ALL retired people are like this at all. Some are incredibly understanding and helpful. But others seem to completely lose perspective on how relentless working life can be, especially with children.

Yes, my in laws. Can you come and sort my garden, yes we both work and it’s a 7 hour round trip. We’ve our own large garden to sort. Just bloody pay someone, you can afford it!!!

My 84 y/o Dad said he was going to write a letter to his grand daughter (my DD) who is abroad. He said this in 2024. He still hasn't written the letter. He never goes out, and has all day to himself. He still says at the end of most phone calls, "I'm going to write that letter this week". Gah!

I can only speak from my own experiences with my parents since they retired. My dad, who retired with a fantastic pension at 58 & is now 83, couldn't fathom how we hadn't had the time to turn our back garden into a fully landscaped oasis. Apparently the fact that working full time (with long commutes), having 2 young children and trying to renovate the inside of the house wasn't good enough reason for not having the time, energy or money. He stated we could do it after the children were asleep (by which point we barely had the energy to watch TV, let along dig up the garden!). I had to point out it was December, pitch black by 4.45pm and bloody freezing outside but nope, we just weren't using our time efficiently!
Yet my parents regularly rearrange visits because they've booked a delivery of fence panels (insert other non-urgent items here) on the day they were due to come to us & can't possibly move the delivery by a couple of days (even though they get to choose the delivery date).
Don't get me started about them having absolutely no idea what the average price of things are these day because my dad goes to Waitrose at 8pm daily and buys everything with a reduced label on it, so in their mind milk only costs 15p!

I am taking quiet notes from my parents behaviours so that when I retire I can try to be pretty much the exact opposite in so many ways!

Lol this thread is bizarre! OP is not attacking pensioners. Talk about some thin-skinned people out and about!

OP, this is my DMIL to a tee. Teacher for 30+ years, retired now for 5. Does not seem to remember what it’s like to work, save money, or have young children! She keeps busy, but it’s nowhere near the level of full-time work. She wonders why I don’t have time to go to the gym with her for two hours every day!

It’s great she can do all her hobbies and travel, but weird that she acts like everyone else is retired.

I won't be a burden to anyone actually as I don't have children. When I am old, I will be looking after myself or paying for a carer to help me with physical jobs that I can't do.

If someone looks after me I will pay them for their time.

Too many elderly people are cheeky and want people to look after them, unpaid.

Yes most do eventually, same as most younger people feel that no generation ever has had it as tough as them.

I've always thought understanding should work both ways tbh.

I dunno, our lovely retired neighbours sometimes do my head in with their amazement at how we do it all (work, kids and their activities, garden, pets) and thinking I must be exhausted if I've had three evenings of kids activities in a row and a club committee meeting all in the same week. It makes me think I must look knackered all the time!

Well I'm not retired, so you got that wrong. I do however have retired parents and I know their friends. People do tire more as the get older. My dad gets tired after an hour of gardening and he has every right to express this. He worked in a very physically demanding job, as did my mum, they also cared for 4 children so do know what it's like to work hard and care for children. Thus post is about ageism, and it's revolting. OP will be older one day herself, I hope your kids are more forgiving when you will say you are tired because quite frankly it stinks when even your children carnt understand.

My mum does the same OP! I'm a single mum of a toddler and work full time. My mum looks after my son one day a week and does pick ups most nursery days and gives him dinner (about 2 hours in total in the afternoon). Every moment I'm not working I'm with my son and trying to keep on top of everything but it's just not possible for me to do more than the necessities. She goes on and on at me about all the things I haven't managed to get round to. She also tells me constantly how exhausted she is but she chooses to do a sport which takes up the whole day three times a week and other exercise classes the other days plus sees friends a lot. She tells me I need to exercise more but the only way to fit it in is if she looks after my son while I do it, which if she does she complains about that.

It's like she thinks I'm hiding a vortex of spare time somewhere 🤦🏻‍♀️. She says she managed everything but she worked part time or not at all when she had kids.

oh yeah, my mum is like this.....the same woman who didn't work from finishing for maternity leave with me until I was well into my teens and then she did only did mornings in a primary school for a few years! My dad rarely travelled for work and somehow managed to be home to eat dinner at 5:30 every night. She rings me and sounds shocked that I'm still cooking at 7pm!

'A burden' eh? How unspeakably rude you are. Just wait until you are 'elderly' - I think you will find that your mindset will change. By the way, it's your choice to produce children, so you look after them, and stop complaining that you are so busy and 'elderly' people don't understand.

Oh get lost.

When I am elderly I will pay for a carer.

I won't expect any of my younger female relatives to look after me.

Why? Because i am not a selfish, cruel asshole

I understand completely. You are running your life (or your life is running you) to the best of your ability. When people work FT and/or look after someone who needs a certain/lot of care they do not have time for chit chat/judgement of others/leisure activities etc.

We have a plaque in our hall "Warning! Retired person on the premises knows everything and has plenty of time to tell it." Hopefully this sums up your point.

I thought the point of being retired was to forget what it was like to work full time.

Nobody should be judging you for being busy or tired. Conversely, everyone is allowed to feel busy or tired. Those feelings are not mutually exclusive to working full-time and/or having children.

It's not just retired people. It all depends on what you're used to. I have literally no breaks between 8:30am and 7:00pm. I run the business and it's my choice. But I have to wait for a client call/meeting to maybe finish early in order to use the toilet or grab a cup of tea (I WFH). If I have a few personal calls to make e.g. dentist, fridge repair man, that kind of thing, I need to wait for a meeting to possibly finish early in order to make them. Going to the post office, hygienist, or chemist must wait until the weekend. Just like many people who work FT in an office or other site.

I have friends who work PT who meet for coffee or go get their nails done, who tell me how busy they are.

I've stopped telling them how they may think they are flat out, but they aren't...

That doesn’t make elderly people a burden. That makes a sexist society a burden. And those elderly women? Some of them fought hard for it to be less sexist - when they were young they couldn’t get a mortgage without a man to counter sign, they didn’t get equal pay and educational opportunities were less available (that’s in my memory and I’m only 61). Wonder how those things changed?

My retired mum told me 'it's alright for some' because I had an afternoon nap on Saturday.

I got up at 7am, cleaned the kitchen, did all the washing, went to the pool & swam a mile beforehand. I work full time Mon-Fri, have several auto-immune disorders and run around after 2 kids!

At one point, I was working full time and caring for three adults. Now I'm retired and on my own.

I've had this conversation with other retirees - it seems so much harder to cope with doing everything now. Possibly it's old age; possibly it's the 'If you want something done, ask a busy person' syndrome.

Like many folk, I seem to be in perfect health. The mobility challenges that come as you get older are a bugger, however. I'm trying to deal with those by taking appropriate exercise.

I did fit in exercise when I was younger, but when I hit 42, the combination of work and caring duties meant it simply wasn't possible.

I can tell you, however, that exercise in my early 40s was much easier than exercise in my mid 60s.

I also find that leaving the house is much more of a trial these days - but maybe that's just me.

I don't think older retired women should be belittled. That is not what this post is about.

And wait and see how you feel as your energy drops off a cliff once you are past sixty

It is not like this for everyone past 60. I know a lot of older people who are loving very active lives. Even if someone's energy does drop off a cliff after 60 then what is to be gained by judging me for getting a takeaway (like my DM does). My DM retired at 55 which is great for her. She has no hobbies or does not socialise. She will ask me to do something at her house then I can't come on Monday because it is bath day, I can't come on Tuesday because she goes shopping etc. She says she is too busy. Her energy levels are fine and she is in good health.

Oh look another pensioner bashing thread. What do you think these people have done for 40 or so years? With far less help than nowadays.
No 12 months maternity leave, no free nursery spaces, no universal credit top ups. No, if your money didnt stretch you had to take on a second job or cut down on anything unnecessary.
And best of all no Internet forums telling the aged population that they are selfish and lazy 🤯

Yes I could have watched a 12 series box set, you are right.

Twaddle off

To be fair, the expectation that it is younger female relatives that will do the caring is not universal. Lots of men step up to the plate to help care for elderly relatives - my brother and my husband and his brothers included. They often provide a different type of care than women would (eg doing heavy rather than intimate stuff) but they are absolutely there, providing care.

I worked 60 hours a week when I was a teen every school holidays. My DM/DF didn't when they were teens.

But yes I don't know I was born 🙄

You wrote "lots of men" and yet I have seen many, many threads started by women on mumsnet, complaining that they have to do the majority of elderly care.

I’m afraid none of us knows how things will pan out when we’re old. You may have all the nice, neat plans in the world for your dotage, as do I, but the truth is, old age is likely to be the biggest burden to those experiencing it, and your currently sunny disposition may well be clouded by pain, illness, immobility, memory loss and all those other delights of ageing which may await us all.