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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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8
FernFaery · 19/05/2026 18:50

Apprentice26 · 19/05/2026 18:49

If they married him, they divorced him and take half but most of them are too daft to get the paperwork done before the babies come along

True of my mother. Penniless. He proposed to her but she was a bit cool and aloof to get married. Had a load of kids, relationship broke down, his new wife got the lot

OP posts:
FernFaery · 19/05/2026 18:50

frozendaisy · 19/05/2026 18:48

So?
If they don’t need to earn money and don’t need benefits, what’s the problem?

They’re inactive but still using services

OP posts:
FernFaery · 19/05/2026 18:51

Lifeomars · 19/05/2026 18:47

Exactly this. I live in a bad area and the rents here for two up two down houses with no garden, no parking other than the street is around £1,200 a month and you should see the state of some of the houses. If you were on the national minimum wage and renting alone (which is all but unaffordable) you would be left with about £550 a month for all your other bills This is why many of these little houses are unofficial HMOs and are overcrowded, the consequences of very high rents go wider than people struggling to make ends meet. There are five adults in the house next to me. There is a community kitchen near me which does a free hot meal once a week and the queues stretch down the street. Likewise for the local food bank which has now moved into permanent premises, a sad sign of the times

Sorry if I’m wrong but wouldn’t you get UC?

OP posts:
Lopella · 19/05/2026 18:51

Ohfudgeoff · 19/05/2026 17:47

This is why it should be paid straight into a workplace pension at source, with no opt out. There's no choice then and you cut your cloth accordingly.

I think there needs to be a better education in schools and colleges around personal finances and managing finances, including pensions within that.

This is such an awful post.

Removing my opt out literally leaves me short on what is already a very frugal lifestyle. Its nothing to do with managing my finances or a lack of education. I'm highly educated, and work in a professional job, have no debt apart from my mortgage, dont go on holidays, dont have any luxuries, buy second hand clothes, dont drive anymore and walk everywhere etc etc and still have nothing left over. I've nothing to cut back on.

Kirbert2 · 19/05/2026 18:52

Bollixtothat · 19/05/2026 18:50

No one on min wage can afford to rent alone. They’d be daft to even think it’s possible. And minimum wage jobs are plentiful so there’s the option to move somewhere where the rent isn’t £1200 a month ?

It costs money to move though. If you have no money, how can you even afford to do that?

Brahumbug · 19/05/2026 18:52

Dweetfidilove · 19/05/2026 18:32

The discussion I was listening to says you need to be contributing a minimum of 10% over your working life. I imagine it would be pretty difficult to mandate people pay that much in, when so many are struggling.

It would be difficult, but what is the alternative?

BiteSizedLife · 19/05/2026 18:53

NotTheOrdinary · 19/05/2026 17:21

Some people barely earn enough to pay the bills. How are they meant to save for a pension too?

This.

Whatever we save won't be enough anyway the way things are going.

We are all fucked.

Bollixtothat · 19/05/2026 18:54

Lougle · 19/05/2026 18:52

https://m.spareroom.co.uk/flatshare/hampshire/winchester/17388824

£1050 for bedroom 1, £950 for bedroom 2.

Hampshire isn’t in the north last time I looked at a map.

BorgQueen · 19/05/2026 18:54

Pensioners as a group are expected to rise by nearly two million in the next decade and the numbers will rise for at least the next 30 years, which really shocked me, it’s clearly the biggest problem the country faces funding wise, both with pensions and healthcare.
No party has any idea how to deal with it, immigration won’t solve it because billions of pounds are being siphoned out of the UK annually by migrants to family back ‘home’ rather than being spent in our economy.
Low earners who will be in rented housing for life are actually penalised for having a small pension when they retire due to the cliff edge nature of benefits. £5 a week over the limit can mean losing £80 or more a week in reality, I know because it happened to my Sister when she started receiving a small annuity, getting £60 a month meant that she was liable for full rent at £120 a week and she was almost evicted before becoming disabled enough for PiP and full HB.

frozendaisy · 19/05/2026 18:55

Bollixtothat · 19/05/2026 18:50

No one on min wage can afford to rent alone. They’d be daft to even think it’s possible. And minimum wage jobs are plentiful so there’s the option to move somewhere where the rent isn’t £1200 a month ?

But when you start out earning minimum sharing with 4 mates, having fun in the evenings, falling in and out of love, sharing your skint 20s together, getting experience, living with friends not parents

oh the beautiful 20s of life

you only get that decade to be truly free

it’s fine sharing a house then, it’s fun, full of stories, memories and growing up.

better than being stuck in your childhood bedroom watching tv still with your parents

Apprentice26 · 19/05/2026 18:55

Lopella · 19/05/2026 18:51

This is such an awful post.

Removing my opt out literally leaves me short on what is already a very frugal lifestyle. Its nothing to do with managing my finances or a lack of education. I'm highly educated, and work in a professional job, have no debt apart from my mortgage, dont go on holidays, dont have any luxuries, buy second hand clothes, dont drive anymore and walk everywhere etc etc and still have nothing left over. I've nothing to cut back on.

Market conditions would force your rent down though by £80 if you simply did not have it and you had no option to pay it then best case scenario is that the rents aren’t gonna go up? Best best best scenario is that the rents come down because the money just isn’t freely available in the system.
Have a look at what Andy 🐝 Burnage is planning to do in Manchester

FernFaery · 19/05/2026 18:56

BorgQueen · 19/05/2026 18:54

Pensioners as a group are expected to rise by nearly two million in the next decade and the numbers will rise for at least the next 30 years, which really shocked me, it’s clearly the biggest problem the country faces funding wise, both with pensions and healthcare.
No party has any idea how to deal with it, immigration won’t solve it because billions of pounds are being siphoned out of the UK annually by migrants to family back ‘home’ rather than being spent in our economy.
Low earners who will be in rented housing for life are actually penalised for having a small pension when they retire due to the cliff edge nature of benefits. £5 a week over the limit can mean losing £80 or more a week in reality, I know because it happened to my Sister when she started receiving a small annuity, getting £60 a month meant that she was liable for full rent at £120 a week and she was almost evicted before becoming disabled enough for PiP and full HB.

They were discussing this on Tom Swarbrick earlier, apparently an awful lot of Eastern Europeans who work and pay taxes here are planning on returning to their country of origin for retirement so aren’t paying contributions. I mean that’s fine, but what if plans change/they don’t?

OP posts:
Lopella · 19/05/2026 18:56

Apprentice26 · 19/05/2026 18:55

Market conditions would force your rent down though by £80 if you simply did not have it and you had no option to pay it then best case scenario is that the rents aren’t gonna go up? Best best best scenario is that the rents come down because the money just isn’t freely available in the system.
Have a look at what Andy 🐝 Burnage is planning to do in Manchester

I dont think you meant to quote me

Brahumbug · 19/05/2026 18:56

NotTheOrdinary · 19/05/2026 18:33

Imagine not being able to pay your rent/mortgage/fuel bills right now.

The difference is that when you are retired you have no options to improve your situation. The effect is permanent.

Passaggressfedup · 19/05/2026 18:57

If rent is a struggle could they not move home for a few years and save ? So many young adults moving out of home too soon without the means to financially support themselves properly. Are they in a house share or living alone?
One lives far away, the other highly values their independence and there is not room for them at ours (we downsize).

I think it is very important that young people are independent as young as possible. They can afford all the essentials, just very few luxuries and limited chance to save. However, they will go up the ladder and hopefully will be in a much better position in 5 and 10 years time.

frozendaisy · 19/05/2026 18:57

FernFaery · 19/05/2026 18:56

They were discussing this on Tom Swarbrick earlier, apparently an awful lot of Eastern Europeans who work and pay taxes here are planning on returning to their country of origin for retirement so aren’t paying contributions. I mean that’s fine, but what if plans change/they don’t?

Then their NI record will pay out accordingly

HellsssBellsss · 19/05/2026 18:57

FernFaery · 19/05/2026 18:51

Sorry if I’m wrong but wouldn’t you get UC?

No.

Bollixtothat · 19/05/2026 18:57

Kirbert2 · 19/05/2026 18:52

It costs money to move though. If you have no money, how can you even afford to do that?

Why would you move into an expensive property in the first place though? Tbh some people just aren’t very clever.

Brahumbug · 19/05/2026 18:58

Kirbert2 · 19/05/2026 18:35

If you are struggling financially then you have little choice but to think of the now rather than the future. Bills need to be paid now so for people struggling financially, those current bills will take priority because your landlord isn't going to take kindly to ''Sorry, I didn't pay the rent this month because I saved it for my pension instead''.

But none of these are arguments for not doing anything about the looming catastrophe of pensioner poverty.

NotTheOrdinary · 19/05/2026 18:59

Bollixtothat · 19/05/2026 18:57

Why would you move into an expensive property in the first place though? Tbh some people just aren’t very clever.

Ain't that the truth.

Madcats · 19/05/2026 18:59

This, coupled with increasing numbers of people who will still be paying off a mortgage/renting when they retire.

Sadly the people who make/implement the law in this country tend to be on final salary pension schemes, so don’t really care.

Butchyrestingface · 19/05/2026 18:59

FernFaery · 19/05/2026 17:27

So you can’t afford to be self employed? Should you be looking for a job with a workplace pension?

But if we're being told a workplace pension isn't enough and (some) people in employment can't afford to save into a private one as well, what is the answer?

FernFaery · 19/05/2026 19:01

Bollixtothat · 19/05/2026 18:57

Why would you move into an expensive property in the first place though? Tbh some people just aren’t very clever.

I agree. DH and I jointly earn 100k. We live in a house worth 370k, with a significant deposit. I’ve had more than than 1 person comment that they’re surprised we’ve chosen such a modest house, and it does feel modest compared to similarly earning friends. But we wanted a very affordable mortgage, and this has enabled us to pay it off quicker while saving and making adequate pension contributions. I’ve also never taken out a credit card, despite the fact I was on the bones of my arse for years (as in, checking coat pockets for coppers type of skint - have £0 for the few days before payday every month).

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