Page 3 | Am I going to get the sack? AIBU?

mumstheword1x · 2026-05-19T13:51:00+00:00

I’m suffering with anxiety at the moment, last week I got given a pay rise by my manager, I was so happy. I thanked her on Friday over email for all her support and she never replied. shes asked to speak to me tomorrow morning at 09:30, I said ‘of course, all ok?’ And she said ‘Yes all good’ she never asks me for a catch up like that, so I’m a lil confused. She normally just calls me on the day at the time randomly. I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong, although she’s a director and some drama kicked off at an Awayday, I wasn’t involved, I just found out and had to schedule calls for another manager. I’m a PA to 3 people and this one is my boss, the other manager told my boss today that I knew about it… although I was just scheduling calls and wasn’t involved & it was agreed the director didn’t need to know. AIBU? Am I over thinking this?

ThisCandidMintGoose · 19/05/2026 16:23

Catsandbooksaremybag · 19/05/2026 16:18

It pisses me off when the reason for a "quick catch up" isn't given. Even the least anxious person would have a little niggle of worry about it. It's not difficult to give a brief description of what it's about, and keeps people on an even keel. I've managed to instill this across management where I work.

no, that's not "normal' 😂, I've never had a little niggle of worry when someone wants a catch up. If they start giving me details, I'd get pissed off they are wasting my time by having a pre-catch up and an actual catch-up talking about the same thing. if they want to see certain documentation, they say it there and then (catch up with xyz), or it's just.. a catch up?

You know what it's likely to be about, you know your role, you know theirs,

I stand by what I said, managing sensitive people is soul destroying and exhausting.

ThisCandidMintGoose · 19/05/2026 16:24

NoMoreLifts · 19/05/2026 15:49

I've seen it twice.Borth a long time ago.
Summary dismissal for
-punching another colleague (was an arse hole before too)
-stealing whole side of salmon from hotel kitchen (ongoing organised theft)

I'm sure you haven't done anything like that OP?

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I have heard of a few cases of physical fight (or someone slapping a woman's bum)

but a stolen salmon is a new one 😂. Brilliant

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 19/05/2026 16:31

Tabarnak · 19/05/2026 15:24

I spoke to the manager who she did this too and asked he called her back due to how distraught she was. All was ok, until today- when the manager said ‘I’ve told the director, just because of how out of control it got with her emotions and we’ve referred her on to some therapy as she has a lot going on at home, I said you knew and helped arrange meetings etc ’

If I was your boss I would have had a chat immediately and asked you to not get involved. An incident where an employee 'squares up' to another and slags them off is almost certainly a disciplinary incident and not for you to be interfering and asking the other manager (the victim!) to call your friend and pacify them. I would have said that any issues and need for therapy is confidential and for whoever looks after welfare to deal with, not managers chatting and involving colleagues.

So my guess is she is going to ask you to stay well out of it for anything not strictly included on your role JD.

But sacked?
No.

This!

You weren't either person's manager to discuss this and suggest remedies. If I didn't already know, I'd have been speaking off the record to HR about what she said to you and asking who needed to know about it.

There was a similar incident at my workplace of twelve people, and I didn't learn about it until four years later because everyone knew to keep their gobs shut!

And at a more "social" level, it's not a good look to be the pal of the drunken aggressive idiot who squares up to a colleague who acts like her flying monkey when she can't face the consequences of her actions. It would be a good idea to consider how you appear when you do something like this.

ImFinePMSL · 19/05/2026 16:44

Last year I was in the office and my boss came up to my desk and said “Can I have a word with you in my office?” I followed him there thinking shit shit shit what have I done, I’m gonna get fired on the spot.

We got into his office and he went all smiley and shouted “Look! We’ve managed to get you a new laptop!” My heart fell out from my arse 🤣🤣

But anyway, you’ll be absolutely fine OP. I have anxiety too and a tendency to catastrophise and immediately think the worst.

If you were going to get sacked, they’d have done it today, not make you wait until tomorrow morning.

Ethelspagetti · 19/05/2026 16:49

That person wants to know what was said. I’d be careful in case what you pass on is used against her in the future. Be factual.

Original poster

mumstheword1x · 19/05/2026 16:51

Kitt1 · 19/05/2026 16:01

If I was your manager, I’d be making it clear that you were out of order getting involved between the colleague and her manager. You weren't a witness so your information is heresay and you shouldn’t have interfered.

However, none of that is a sackable offence.

I always advised any new staff that they must always act totally professionally if they’re at a works event, even if it’s meant to be relaxing evening out. Never let your guard down and never risk getting even slightly tipsy, let alone paralytic when on a works do.

Edited

out of order getting involved? I am said Managers PA and she wanted a meeting with him? What am I supposed to do? Not work?

OP posts:

WheretheFishesareFrightening · 19/05/2026 16:52

Have you thought about getting help for your anxiety? I genuinely can’t imagine how exhausting it must be to spend so much time and energy thinking all about minor interactions. I’m a relatively senior manager, I put “quick catch ups” in people’s diaries all the time. I’m yet to sack any of them, or for it to be a particularly difficult conversation.

You’ve just had a payrise, something not commonly done before someone gets sacked. I think you’ll be fine.

Original poster

mumstheword1x · 19/05/2026 16:55

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 19/05/2026 16:31

This!

You weren't either person's manager to discuss this and suggest remedies. If I didn't already know, I'd have been speaking off the record to HR about what she said to you and asking who needed to know about it.

There was a similar incident at my workplace of twelve people, and I didn't learn about it until four years later because everyone knew to keep their gobs shut!

And at a more "social" level, it's not a good look to be the pal of the drunken aggressive idiot who squares up to a colleague who acts like her flying monkey when she can't face the consequences of her actions. It would be a good idea to consider how you appear when you do something like this.

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Did I say I was her friend?

OP posts:

catipuss · 19/05/2026 16:59

If you were a witness to what happened they might want to hear from you. If so just say what you saw, none of it is really your problem from what I understand.

PurpleNightingale · 19/05/2026 17:14

Things my unexpected catch ups have turned out to be:

My manager's wife is pregnant and he is making plans for his paternity cover.
The company is being bought out- still under wraps but we will be working on some confidential things in the lead up to the sale.
Someone I work closely with has resigned.
There's a new project group being set up they hoped I'd help with supporting.

This isn't how a UK insurance company fires people, trust me!

Goditsmemargaret · 19/05/2026 17:16

I think you have nothing to worry about. She is going to have a few words about the incident that's all and direct it goes no further.

Greengage1983 · 19/05/2026 17:20

Mate, I thought I was good at catastrophising, but this is next level! It'll be absolutely fine. The fact the drunken colleague seems to have been treated with sympathy rather than disciplinary action is surely a sign they won't just be sacking you for something so minor you're not even aware you've done it!

WallaceinAnderland · 19/05/2026 17:20

They probably just want your witness statement just to sit on file in case anything more comes of it.

So the 'quick chat' will be, can you tell me what happened at X event. They will probably jot down what you say and then ask you if it's a fair account and get you to sign it.

Nothing to worry about.

Pearlstillsinging · 19/05/2026 17:21

mumstheword1x · 19/05/2026 15:13

A colleague got drunk and squared up to another manager and told them all the things they don’t like about them 😳 I didn’t find out until said colleague asked if they could chat and when I said ‘why, all ok’ she rang me crying telling me she’s embarrassed and she’s going to loose her job.

I spoke to the manager who she did this too and asked he called her back due to how distraught she was. All was ok, until today- when the manager said ‘I’ve told the director, just because of how out of control it got with her emotions and we’ve referred her on to some therapy as she has a lot going on at home, I said you knew and helped arrange meetings etc ’

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So your manager wants to hear your version of what happened and check that you do know and did help to arrange meetings etc
They probably want to check that you are OK too. Nothing to worry about. I do t understand why you think there might be.

Madarch · 19/05/2026 17:21

mumstheword1x · 19/05/2026 15:08

She called it a ‘quick catch up’

Nothing worse than someone saying that. I've had managers say that to me and I've found myself saying it to other people. It should be banned!

You're very likely over thinking it

ClaudiaWankleman · 19/05/2026 17:23

ThisCandidMintGoose · 19/05/2026 14:57

I don't think people realise how hard work it is to manage people, when you can't even schedule a meeting/ catch up without starting a panic attack. It's exhausting.

Bear in mind if you do no give enough warning, they have anxiety attack too.

Just be professional! You should still be celebrating your pay rise, what more do you want

Edited

It's such poor management technique to schedule meetings without giving the other person any idea of what you actually want to discuss or what needs to be achieved.

Even if it is just 'I need to give you an update on XYZ' or 'I want to bring you into ABC project and need to give you the backstory'.

Tigerbalmshark · 19/05/2026 17:24

mumstheword1x · 19/05/2026 15:13

A colleague got drunk and squared up to another manager and told them all the things they don’t like about them 😳 I didn’t find out until said colleague asked if they could chat and when I said ‘why, all ok’ she rang me crying telling me she’s embarrassed and she’s going to loose her job.

I spoke to the manager who she did this too and asked he called her back due to how distraught she was. All was ok, until today- when the manager said ‘I’ve told the director, just because of how out of control it got with her emotions and we’ve referred her on to some therapy as she has a lot going on at home, I said you knew and helped arrange meetings etc ’

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Why on earth would they sack you for hearing about it, but not sack your drunken colleague for actually doing it?

pitchblackromance · 19/05/2026 17:25

What is the actual timeline of the drunkness/calls/meetings?

And who is the manager to you?

It probably is related to that event but nobody on here can tell you what it is

BunnyLake · 19/05/2026 17:37

If they were going to do any sacking why would they sack you and not her? It sounds like they aren’t going to be sacking her, so I can’t imagine why you’d be in the firing line (‘scuse pun).

Tartanarmy2 · 19/05/2026 17:38

How do you cope in life?

Sparkletastic · 19/05/2026 17:49

If I were your manager it would be to advise you to distance yourself from
incidents like this in future, rather than getting enmeshed.

Skybluepinky · 19/05/2026 17:51

Bless you, so hard not to stress when drama has gone down.

ValueofNothing · 19/05/2026 17:56

There are lot of people in this thread who don't understand what being a PA entails.

Good luck OP, you won't be getting the sack but they might want to talk about what you did or didn't know relating to the away day. Maybe they need to clarify processes for this sort of thing in case you ever run into it again (god forbid). Just be open, honest, willing to hear feedback and above all don't panic about the meeting!

AlohaRose · 19/05/2026 18:00

Why on earth do you think you would be getting fired, given that your drunken colleague who told her boss all the things she didn't like about him is being offered therapy?! I think you are massively catastrophizing.

TheWalkingEyebag · 19/05/2026 18:13

Hi OP! Are you the person who posted the other week about hotel safety and hantavirus? If so, I know you mentioned you have health anxiety. I am no doctor, but is there a chance you are experiencing more generalised anxiety now? It’s a crazy world so totally understandable! Have you spoken to a health care professional or therapist?

Sorry if you’re a different poster - just thought I recognised the username.

All the best with your meeting. I’ve often fed back to managers that unscheduled ‘chats’ should have an additional note attached if there’s nothing to worry about. They are the worst, especially if you’re already anxious!