To think some older women having tax payers funded ivf are hypocrites?

[Spiderbug]

There seems to be a substantial group of people who are ok with calling teen mums a waste of their tax money but then leave child bearing too late and expect the tax payers to foot the bill for their multiple ivf cycles which costs the tax payer up to 100 million a year.

Hypocrites!!!

Rubbish. DD was born when I was 26, 10 years later her father and I are very happy together (and still have DS). My friend had her daughter at 35 after a 10 year relationship and they had split a year later. The 40 something first time mums are: single using sperm donor, married albeit unhappily, and cohabiting happily. So a mix.

I couldn't agree more. IVF may be the answer for some people, but providing it via the NHS is a clear example of 'mission creep'. The NHS is not there to solve anything that might make a person dissatisfied with her life.

Fair play op
I'm impressed how you've managed to keep stirring and get this to almost twenty pages
That bingo card must be nearly full by now though
Surely

Yes but the point is you had met your life partner that young. Not everyone has . And not everyone should just jump and get pregnant by some absolute loser just cos the biological clock is ticking if they want kids . Which some people here seem to be alluding to .

Is this "substantial group of people.. calling teen mums a waste of their tax money ..but who expect the tax payers to foot the bill for their multiple ivf cycles" in the room with you now OP?

It's bizarre. These two women are well-educated, but seem baffled that their bodies have changed as they've got older. One of them actually insisted her new partner must have a low sperm count, because "I can't be infertile, I have a ten-year-old and an eight-year-old."

You only get around 2 cycles of IVF on the NHS. You also aren’t allowed it if you are over a certain age or BMI. They don’t just let anyone do it

Which means you had a family with the right person and she didn't.

The point is that people are saying "you shouldn't wait til you find the right person to do this with, just do it at the right time instead".

How's that working out for the people who panicked instead of being sure?

Also I find it funny that apparently a 25 year old, at their peak of beauty and with a big dating pool, allegedly ‘jumped at the first man who would have kids with her’ but a 38 year old in the last chance saloon and with fewer options magically happened upon the love of their life?

This entire thread is a crock of shit as it creates these mad binaries where life is much more grey and you will find many examples within the group you refer to. I know many women who settled for a useless man child as they felt their clock was running out. I also know younger women whose men are just useless!

And had she just said that, I'd have been much happier to go along with that.

But to try to do so by pitching them against older women who have worked hard paying taxes and waited till they have a secure set-up to bring a child into was a bit of a dud move...

I dunno I imagine they love their kids and wouldn’t be without them. Half of couples split, it’s not a niche hardship any more.

No one is saying that who actually said that? “Peak of beauty “ indeed . How is that even relevant?? Your ageism is absolutely shocking . You obviously met a decent guy who wanted kids young. Not everyone does . You cannot seem to grasp any situation that is different from your own.

I had no idea about this. From what I have read there is an age limit on NHS funded IVF and how many 'goes' depends on what area you live in.

I do know a couple who went abroad to have further IVF after a few failures here but they paid for a lot of it, here and abroad. It was sad, smacked of desperation, when their life was pretty good by most standards.

The 38 year old is more likely the woman who would rather be happy alone than deal with ALL the shit from a poor partner. And then did meet someone worth doing it with.

The 25 year old might have lucked out (met my DH when I was 21 actually and I'm incredibly lucky there), or they might be like one of my friends who was so desperate for the "perfect" family she jumped at the first man who showed any interest in marrying her when she was, weirdly, 25, and now complains constantly that he does nothing to help with the family.

So overall in both groups they may end up sticking with the man, they might not? What a revelation.

I’m an older parent via (privately funded) IVF and know more people than average who also had IVF. In my experience people who’ve struggled with fertility are usually much more positive about having children younger because they/ we know that most people don’t know they have fertility issues until they try to get pregnant and the earlier you start trying the longer you have to get any support and treatment you need (and usually the better your chances of actually having a child are). Obviously the people I know may not be representative of the general IVF-having population. I also know a few people for whom IVF wasn’t possible or didn’t work and I’d say if they had the choice most of them would have preferred to be a parent in their teens than to be childless not by choice.

Don't you know: the more beautiful a woman, the more beautiful a woman, the more likely she will attract a good father, and the luckier her children will be!🙄

IME it is the men who go for a woman for her looks who tend to be out the door and onto the next woman by the time her pelvic floor has birthed, her breasts have fed and the children are in school.

I can grasp it but there’s a lot of reaching here at both ends. The younger mum cheerleaders seem to think older mums are embittered career women who live to regret their short sightedness. The older mums want to make out they’re better parents as they’re more likely to have met the ‘love of their life’ despite the doors closing and it’s the linger ones who ‘panicked and grabbed anybody’. All really unpleasant, not to mention bollocks.

So your husband was never initially attracted to you?

How cruel you are, ‘smacked of desperation’
yes, clearly, anyone spending tens of thousands on ivf treatment is utterly desperate for a child. Unless you know that pain, don’t judge it

Well actually I married round that "peak of beauty" so maybe that was how I managed to get hitched.🙄

But I like to think there is more to it and that marrying older would have meant I had found someone who looked past those things. It does happen!

I have actually ended up paying for my own IVF. Mostly NHS will do 2 cycles if you are lucky.

This is due to medical issues and my DH and I would never have been able to have a family without it.

BTW I have no problem with teen mum's.

Yes but 26 isn't that young.

I’m not judging all older mothers or mothers who used ivf. Only the ones who have judged teen mums first. Nasty bullies who like to make others feel like burdens but can’t handle it when it’s put back on them.

In Scotland you get two rounds of IVF on the NHS then you pay for it, if I’m right in thinking you also have to pay for it after the age of 40 so i’m not entirely sure how old these ‘old women’ are you are referring too!! Also, they have likely paid their taxes for years, unlike a teenager.