To think some older women having tax payers funded ivf are hypocrites?

[Spiderbug]

There seems to be a substantial group of people who are ok with calling teen mums a waste of their tax money but then leave child bearing too late and expect the tax payers to foot the bill for their multiple ivf cycles which costs the tax payer up to 100 million a year.

Hypocrites!!!

I more often see this the other way round. People saying they are glad they got having children out the way when they were young - as if it was compulsory and something unpleasant to look forward to it being over.

Do you know NHS doesn’t fund multiple rounds? We had ONE in our area - there is a cut off.

Parenting is never ‘over’, it just evolves.

Yes I see it too. I’m glad I got it out of the way young and have my life back now etc etc

I no longer get disrespected, too old and jaded to be a weak target anymore. But I was disrespected back when I’d done nothing wrong except being a young mum.
My critical thinking skills are lacking ? Compared to who? The people who take this personally when I’ve said about ten times it’s not about everyone who mother women who has ivf it’s just about the hypocrites.

When I had IVF (privately through an NHS clinic), I was 34 and the second youngest person in my cohort. The youngest, in her twenties, had her fallopian tubes mangled in a car crash. All the other women were older than me, and were there, because it had taken 10, 15, 20 years for them to be diagnosed with endometriosis.

IIRC, it still takes 7 - 9 years to get a diagnosis of endometriosis on average. It took DD2 5 years to be diagnosed, and she didn’t start complaining to GPs about painful periods for about 3 years. She was repeatedly fobbed off by numerous GPs, that she was too young for it, painful periods are normal, the treatment nowadays is the pill, etc! It was only because I eventually went with her, and told the GP what I’d heard from other women and I didn’t want it happening to DD2, that she was referred for a laparoscopy. The consultant told DD2 to get pregnant in her 20s, because even if he treated it then (which he did), the damage could be too great by her 30s.

So, my guess is that some older women are still ending up, needing IVF, because of the time it took to get endometriosis diagnosed and treated; rather than it being a lifestyle choice. I doubt very much, those older women are going to be commenting on teenage pregnancies, while taken up with the time and expense of IVF?

Are you still 15? 🤣

Completely agree, this is another reason it's such a weird thing to say. Barring a terrible tragedy you will be a parent for the rest of your life.

well I wouldn't hate you but I would be wondering what the fuck you were thinking unless of course you were raped or abused.

it’s not as if people who get pregnant at 16 have decided to do so to save the taxpayer money by doing it when they are young and fertile . It’s not like they are making some sort of noble decision to save the state money by getting pregnant young .

But those same young women may well go on to pay for their entire lives. And not all older women wanting IVF have been tax payers. You seem to think it’s some sort if ‘young = feckless and a blight on society’ vs ‘old = hard working decent citizens who have paid into a system and are deserving’

which is exactly the attitude the OP is talking about

Tbh I think it’s less likely a 16 year old mum will ‘work all her life’ than a woman who has worked half her life then has a baby. Many teenage mums end up on benefits for life and have more children. I see this quite a lot, their work ethic never really gets going. Some do however.

But you've made it clear you know of one, maybe two, women who disrespected you as a teen mum and then have had IVF in their 30s.

That doesn't even make them a hypocrite. They've paid into the system, then made use of the system for a medical need. They aren't living off the taxpayer or taking something they aren't entitled to.

I had my first at 37. I absolutely wouldn’t have wanted them any younger. And yes, I do think that having children very young is a usually a mistake because it limits your life choices. That doesn’t make me either snotty or hypocritical.

The stats for women are that the better educated you are, the more likely you are to marry later - for a variety of reasons. If I'd met anyone I wanted to marry earlier in life then I would have married them and had kids earlier, but I just didn't, and I have a lot of educated, successful female friends in the same boat.
Meanwhile we were all working full time and paying a huge amount of tax and most of us conceived naturally anyway when we eventually did get married.
I don't think there's much to be gained by comparing the choices made by these two groups of women. Most teenage pregnancies are a result of a failure to use contraception at all (rather than method failure) which is a choice. By contrast most people who want children but are still single in their late 30s are not single by choice, but because - despite looking - they haven't yet been able to find a suitable person with whom to form a reciprocal emotional/social/economic partnership in which to raise children.

What is ‘very young’? Under 20 yes I absolutely agree. However I will add I think first time motherhood in your late 30s or 40s is also a mistake because almost all the couples I know who did this ended up with some kind of side effect - either not able to have more children the desperately worrying about their ‘only child with ageing parents’ (my aunt and one of DH’s friends), having a child with disabilities the odds of which are increased with age (DH brother), or entering the hell of menopause with a teenager (my other aunt).

I also think the landscape around earlier parenting (and by earlier I mean sort of mid 20s zone) is changing. There is no longer a huge gap in lifestyle between average earners and slightly higher earners. I saw an interesting comment on here from a woman who quite candidly said she waited until her mid 30s as it was the ‘right thing to do’, went to university and travelled, but now in middle age her life isn’t all that much different to a friend who had children in her early 20s. Their houses are roughly similar, their disposable income is similar, there just isn’t this huge advantage with a bit more cash than there used to be. She said the only difference is her friend has young adult kids whereas hers are still much younger and still waking up at night.

I don't really understand why you think it's hypocritical. I get that it's unpleasant to sneer at young mothers but why hypocritical?

Not loudly or emotionally, but the only person I know who has had NHS ivf is a woman who was diagnosed with breast cancer in her late 20s. The nhs paid for an egg retrieval before her treatment, and one embryo transfer when she had recovered, which allowed her to have her first child. She paid for subsequent treatment herself in order to have her second child.

its not that she had a right to have a child, its that she had a right to have a reasonable chance to try for one, something that cancer took away from her. Cancer wasn’t her fault 🤷🏼

I don’t see why the nhs shouldn’t fund that, and I say this as someone who funded IVF privately for myself, and reasonably so because it wasn’t health related IVF for me.

Honestly, cannot care right now neither about the morality of teen mums or old women scrounging the system.

I made sure I have tried for children within reasonable limit of age, only after I got married and my whole thing is in order.

that is my penny , the rest is click bait and rage over affairs not your to concern with..

Ok this has been said a lot now so I’ll address it. IVF is incredibly expensive, whatever the reason for needing it I’d hope the sort of person who likes calling young mums a waste of their tax money is paying for their own ivf. Otherwise it’s hypocritical.
At least some introspection is warranted here but many people completely lack self awareness so I won’t hold my breath.

I understand infertility is horrible but as I’ve said this is only about people who judge others so if you’re not like that there’s no need to take this personally

Because they complain about young mums taking their tax money and then go and have expensive treatment on the nhs instead of paying themselves

You are bitter aren't you? You got knocked up at 15 and people said mean things?

Do you realise that one round of IVF and an entire life funded by benefits do not cost the same, at all?

Also, are you suggesting that just because someone complains about the use of taxes in one way, them having a child is a waste?

Your OP is like sterotype bingo

crikey