To think some older women having tax payers funded ivf are hypocrites?

[Spiderbug]

There seems to be a substantial group of people who are ok with calling teen mums a waste of their tax money but then leave child bearing too late and expect the tax payers to foot the bill for their multiple ivf cycles which costs the tax payer up to 100 million a year.

Hypocrites!!!

On the assumption that you're not talking out of your behind, YANBU that it would be incredibly unkind for one group of women to shamelessly judge another group of women for "wasting tax payers money" on anything, really, if they are then using a substantial amount themselves.

That would be true regardless of the circumstances. Like, it would be hypocritical for one woman to judge another for say a boob job to then go and get loads of lip fillers, for example.

I've personally seen no evidence of it though.

I do agree though that IVF on the NHS should be limited. And people stop whining about birth rates.

Anyone who calls any mum, be it teenage or old, a waste of taxpayers' money is idiotic.

I suppose older mums were going to get it on here eventually.

How many older women are entitled to IVF on the NHS just cos they left it too late? I don't know all the ins and outs but i was under the impression that most went private and paid for it.

30 isn't old, @Spiderbug

Are you in favour of paying higher taxes yourself to support people who are not financially in a position to start their families before they are "too old"?

The average age of a first time house buyer in the UK is 34, by the way. Not that you have to own a house to have children but people may feel they don't want to be living according to the whim of a landlord increasing rent.

You don’t get IVF on the NHS because you’re too old to conceive naturally ffs. Maybe educate yourself somewhat. And no, teen parenthood is not something to aspire to.

Exactly. I think NHS has an age-cut-off and you can't just get free NHS IVF as an older woman.

Well that is your limited experience and I accept that. But it doesn’t necessarily translate to the wider population.

maybe that says more about the people you know rather than the general consensus.

This smacks of ‘people were nasty to me for being a young mum, so I want older women to suffer’, @Spiderbug. Bitterness like this won’t harm the women you are hating, it will only hurt you.

@Spiderbug you are showing yourself up to be extremely small minded and uneducated. Unfortunately the exact stereotypes you are trying to make out people shouldn't apply to you.

I paid for all 6 cycles of my IVF. I needed IVF due to endometriosis and PCOS. No one I ever saw in that waiting room was there just because they were old. I was surprised myself to see how young everyone there was, due to this stupid stereotype that only dried up middle aged career women need IVF. The waiting room was full of women with Gynae conditions, men with low sperm counts, lots of same sex couples. They were all universally desperate and it was common to see people leaving the clinic crying. To come after a group of people who have suffered like this just because you have a chip on your shoulder about being a teen mum is disgusting and actually demonstrates that you never grew up. Your posts read like a pissed off 15 year old, you have never matured and finished your education clearly.

Oh and by the way, you claim us nok teen mums can't possibly know the amount of shit you get a s a teen mum. Let me tell you, as someone who has never needed fertility treatment you have no idea the amount of shit that gets thrown at us about how our children shouldn't be here, we were infertile for a reason etc.

Wind your neck in, you clearly know fuck all and are embarrassing yourself.

Also in some professions you can be working and studying until your late twenties to even get qualified. And that's even if you go straight through from school onto university etc. Plenty of people have time off, do something else, change their career path etc. Either way, it's not surprising that people wait until their 30s before even thinking about settling down let along having children.

The idea that it’s more sensible to plan to get pregnant at 15 than 30 is insane.

OP if you google you will see that the difference between fertility at 15 and 30 is actually tiny in real terms. literally 5% difference

Many studies find around 85–90% of women in their late teens/early 20s conceive within a year
Around 75–85% of healthy 30-year-olds conceive within a year

Where I am in England the NHS only fund one cycle of IVF. Do other areas fund multiple cycles? Seems so unfair. The women I know have paid vast amounts in the hope of getting their longed for baby. Not many seem to only need one cycle.

The only reason I think of is that they think people with fertility issues have failed some sort of natural quality control process, a viewpoint that makes no sense at all, when you consider the number of naturally conceived children that are born with disabilities and inherited genetic conditions and the that most IVF children are healthy.

Well I was pregnant at 17, don't remember any hate. Was the man who unlawfully had sex with you prosecuted?

Absolutely there are.

Even as "innocuous" baby name threads that make you think "you really only posted that so people would give those names a bashing."

The other thing I am noticing so often, especially in AIBU, are threads where the OP posts for "advice" then spends the entire thread telling everyone the advice is wrong and actually she is going to do whatever it was that she asked for opinions on and frankly doesn't care what other people think.😶

This is very often family or blended family threads, and it does come across as though they just wanted to trigger a slagging off of the particular family member.

ETA oh and clothing threads where people suggest maybe it isn't so suitable for x, y, z which often occasions a "well actually you don't know the event and my friends and it's perfect" response.

That crystal ball of yours must be irreplaceable OP. 🙄

I didn't meet a suitable man and didn't want to settle so I didn't have ds until I was 45. I didn't need medical help, ds was conceived naturally without medical assistance, but if I had, I'm sure the 21 years higher rate tax I'd paid while childless would have covered the cost of a single treatment !!

I think you have a lot of your own bias, a lot of people will not have decided to bypass their fertile years. Circumstance, not meeting someone etc.

Do you know how much teen pregnancy can cost? Your hypocrisy is pretty strong too.

Oh and 'leave child bearing too late'. Give over. I don't know anyone who had to have IVF who did not at like 45. They started in plenty of time and couldn't get pregnant for many many many years. You have to be under 42 on the NHS to get IVF and depending on post code it can 'only' be 1-2 times.

So yeah, perfectly fine with the NHS funding IVF for those women who want to get pregnant and can't.

While I don't agree with this statement, it is true that the teens had a choice. A lot of women don't when it comes to getting pregnant.

This sort of perspective is so lacking on these threads.

It is easy to say things like (NOT REAL FIGURES: ILLUSTRATIVE PURPOSES ONLY) "It is twice as likely you will have a baby with Coggins Disease (fictional disease) if you conceive at 40 as opposed to at 15." This can be strictly true, but if you look at the statistics, the chance at 15 is 0.5 percent and the chance at 40 is 1 percent. "BUT," so the rhetoric will go, "the risks have DOUBLED!!!"

Not everyone has met a person they want to have children with or who wants children in their 20s I hadn’t . And I’m by no means some career driving self prioritising person like you are implying of older women. In fact a lot of tax is spent supporting people who bull on ahead and have kids too early in the wrong circumstances (obviously this does not apply to all people who do have kids young that’s not what I’m saying at all before anyone jumps at me)

No, you're supposed to latch onto any man who is willing to impregnate you but not being of any use and then be miserable forever, just so you haven't "left it too late" by trying to conceive at the ripe old age of 30 with someone who is an actual partner to you.

That way you can post on MN about why your husband doesn't pull his weight.

(Sarcasm, in case it hasn't come across).

When it comes to fertility, any age above 30 is an older woman.