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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I really want to go home. I really really want to go home.

293 replies

JacknDiane · 17/05/2026 17:15

But my home isn't there. The council have got someone else there. My parents lived there 50 odd years, then mum moved to sheltered housing. But the family home with the nice garden is what I miss. And mum pottering in the garden. Dad is dead so long I struggle to remember what he did. But mum comes back easier, shes dead nearly 15 years. I was a late baby, my siblings are so distant from me, I was always really an only child.
My kids now are grown and moved away. Not near me at all now. Im happy for them,they are leading a young 20 somethings life. As it should be. They were here today for 2 days but both gone back now. I haven't got any family apart from them and dh. Dh is good but he doesn't understand how I feel. His siblings are in this city, although he doesn't see them much, they are still here.
When my dcs leave I dont know when I'll see them again, they both have lots going on. Im glad for them. But I feel so bereft when they go. Ive had a lump in my throat all day. I mostly stayed home when they were small or worked around them. That's unpopular on here but it was what we all wanted. Ive got friends, a job, I keep busy. Im not sat here waiting for someone to knock on my door, I plan things and keep occupied.

But when the dcs have been here then they go, I just want to go home, to the house I grew up, with my mum and dad there. Them just pottering, watching telly, going a walk. Nothing exciting, just the foundation of my childhood and young adulthood. I just want mum to say its ok, you'll miss them but you'll see them soon. Just reassure me all is well. I know it is, but I haven't been reassured by my parents in at least 20 years. I looked after mum after dad died. I became her mum. Its just what happened.

I just want to go home and sit with them. And drink tea. Then come back here and get on with my life.

But I can't and its overwhelming sometimes.

OP posts:
TofuTuesday · 17/05/2026 18:56

TemperanceWest · 17/05/2026 17:40

Something in my eye now.

Was battered sausage and chips for me, after we'd been swimming.

Me too. Dad would take us.
I would love to just wake up one day in my old house and it be a weekend granny and grandad were visiting. A last trip to get a quarter of sweets. Playing tennis badly with dad in the garden. Aunts, uncles, parents, grandparents, all gone, almost every one of them and I have to be the grown up now.

Lifeomars · 17/05/2026 18:58

Awrite · 17/05/2026 17:27

What a lovely way of putting it.

I dreamt of both of my parents last night. They both died over the last 2 years. And they were amazing.

Today I felt like telling my youngest that he will miss my annoying loud singing when I am no longer here.

I always remember one of my friends waiting for her mum to come round and grumbling that she was late and another friend whose mum was dead saying that the day will come when your mum will never come round again because they will be gone from this life. Gave me a new perspective

ClimbEveryLadder · 17/05/2026 18:58

@JacknDiane you expressed that grief very well. I wonder if it might help to use it to write a short story? Maybe even do a creative writing course?

QueenOfHiraeth · 17/05/2026 18:59

Well my name is appropriate for this thread Grin
I know what you mean OP and think we all feel it at times. My DM is 95 and said to me last week that it sounds silly but she really misses her mother (she died in 1968!)

PistachioTiramisu · 17/05/2026 18:59

God I can't read any more - tears streaming down my face. This thread has stirred so much in me.

Blodyneighbour · 17/05/2026 18:59

Im sorry you are going through this OP.
It will gry easier. I used to dream of my childhood home and it was recurrent and in the end the owners in my dream told me to stop visiting.

We get attached to memories. You will start to get better and your memories will be made with what you have started now.

tsmainsqueeze · 17/05/2026 19:01

I hear you too.
I want to go to my nan's and sit on her sofa with a breeze blowing the net curtain nearby.
Drink orange barley water from the glass bottle it used to come in and just relax in the lovely atmosphere she created ,feeling safe and loved .
I think your feelings are completely normal and you write beautifully.

Carandache18 · 17/05/2026 19:01

It's worse on Sunday afternoons, isn't it? Not for my childhood home- that was an unhappy place, but for a more gentle past. And a less scary future.

Sam9769 · 17/05/2026 19:04

I know exactly how you feel but they haven't really gone. We still love those who meant so much to us and they will live on in our hearts for ever. Even in this post they are still with you and us! You are keeping them present.

Gwenhwyfar · 17/05/2026 19:05

ColdTofuSandwich · 17/05/2026 17:17

That’s made me cry. I know exactly what you mean - homesick for another time.

I don't want to go to my parents' house, but it made my cry as well. We are all longing for something, some kind of home in the heart.
It also means you're a good writer. You made me really feel for you.

Lifeomars · 17/05/2026 19:05

wheredidtheteago · 17/05/2026 17:35

We have a word in Welsh, ‘Hiraeth’ which translates to the feeling of longing for a time or place that doesn’t exist anymore. You’re not alone lovely. Xx

I am half Welsh and have never heard that before. It really sums up a part of the human condition,

EmeraldRoulette · 17/05/2026 19:06

@JacknDiane I don't miss my childhood - but there are things I miss from 2019! And some other times prior to that. I thought your post was beautifully expressed. And I love your username.

Posters may or may not like to listen to Sam Fender's song "Nostalgia's Lie" which explores this kind of feeling.

sometimes the pain of nostalgia is far too much - and as Scarlet O'Hara says "don't look back Ashley.... it drags at your heart to you can't do anything but look back".

I have those moments and I have to gather myself together and put a stop to it before I get too carried away.

I am still homesick for my old flat, three years after moving out of it. It's annoying. But I believe in things what they are. And I am still homesick for it so... yeah.

Dramallama13 · 17/05/2026 19:06

Oh op, i think it’s a perfectly normal way to feel and fine to lean into it but try not to let it consume you. Try to focus on the present.

Honesrly your post has made me quite tearful 🤗

Gwenhwyfar · 17/05/2026 19:06

QueenOfHiraeth · 17/05/2026 18:59

Well my name is appropriate for this thread Grin
I know what you mean OP and think we all feel it at times. My DM is 95 and said to me last week that it sounds silly but she really misses her mother (she died in 1968!)

Hiraeth is the appropriate word here because it doesn't always or only mean homesickness. It can be a longing for something we never even had. We may not even know what we're longing for.

EeyoresLostTail · 17/05/2026 19:07

I welled up too

I would do Anything to see my mum and Dad again Life is so Cruel

Hope you are ok OP XX

tsmainsqueeze · 17/05/2026 19:07

Fluboben · 17/05/2026 18:53

This thread also reminded of the poem Eden Rock, which I love.

This is beautiful !
I have never heard it , so comforting ,it's given me goosebumps.
Thank you.

Tryanalogue · 17/05/2026 19:08

All you can do is make a home.

AllBranGirl · 17/05/2026 19:09

I understand everything you have said. Sending you love and strength.

Snazzysausage · 17/05/2026 19:09

God yes,I know exactly what you mean. It's like you're homesick for another time.
I lost my mum in my early thirties,my dad in my early forties.I'm now 64.
I still want to nip and have a cup of tea with my mum while dad's down the allotment.
I've come to the conclusion part of it is because it's like my comfort cushion has gone,they were just .... there.
My much older brother says he realised he was the top of the tree when dad died,not just one of the branches.
It's a weird nostalgic pull back.

Holdinguphalfthesky · 17/05/2026 19:10

Hiraeth is so potent. @JacknDiane you’re definitely not alone. These are some things I do when I feel like you do:

i work in bits of things to my own routine, that make me feel safe and ‘home’, especially on Sundays. The Archers. The shipping forecast. Making a roast dinner. Particular albums that my parents used to play. Occasionally I buy food my grandparents used to serve, or which I associate with their house. Or make one of my dad’s special weekend recipes 💔

I also make my own home feel cosy and safe. And if I’m really struggling with hiraeth I get into bed with clean sheets and clean pyjamas and clean hair, I suppose as if I were a little girl again, and read a book I’ve read before. It’s like parenting myself!

kerstina · 17/05/2026 19:11

Oh gosh your post really struck a chord with me today and I write with tears in my eyes. As another poster said it must be something in the air today or is it the position of the moon.
I lost my DM last year and my only DS moved out. I focused on a long held dream of moving to the coast but today I feel floored , engulfed by a grief about leaving this home and the past for good. Our house is sold . Move should be in the Autumn . Sending you a hug , you are not alone in this.

Treetreetreetree · 17/05/2026 19:11

I want to see my dad. I want to hear my aunts and uncles. I want to watch them talk and laugh. I miss them so much that I can feel physical pain.
Bless you OP. I am sending you so much love.
When I can’t cope with the feelings I dance it off. I play loud music and dance.
I can feel my dad’s strength against me sometimes. He was so tall.
I’m so sorry. X

AhBiscuits · 17/05/2026 19:12

I know exactly what you mean OP. Big hugs.

My mum died suddenly in her 60s, 2 weeks from diagnosis to death. It was devastating obviously but I still had my dad and we were a comfort to eachother. We found him dead sat in his car a few years later. Heart attack. I've had a real feeling of emptiness since then, like I'm alone in the world (I'm not at all, I have siblings, a husband and children). That feeling of wanting to talk to them and share my news has never gone away.

FlatCatYellowMat · 17/05/2026 19:14

Oh OP. I've found myself wallowing in nostalgia a more recently as I realise how different my kid's childhood is, and the things I just took for granted that they'll never experience.

And I just sold the house I bought 25 years ago - which even though they never lived in, does kinda fluff up the sediment.

You are not being unreasonable. I get it (so do so many others here). Sit in it a bit. Breath it in. Breath it out, treasure it and move on. Because what else can you do,