I really want to go home. I really really want to go home.

[JacknDiane]

But my home isn't there. The council have got someone else there. My parents lived there 50 odd years, then mum moved to sheltered housing. But the family home with the nice garden is what I miss. And mum pottering in the garden. Dad is dead so long I struggle to remember what he did. But mum comes back easier, shes dead nearly 15 years. I was a late baby, my siblings are so distant from me, I was always really an only child.
My kids now are grown and moved away. Not near me at all now. Im happy for them,they are leading a young 20 somethings life. As it should be. They were here today for 2 days but both gone back now. I haven't got any family apart from them and dh. Dh is good but he doesn't understand how I feel. His siblings are in this city, although he doesn't see them much, they are still here.
When my dcs leave I dont know when I'll see them again, they both have lots going on. Im glad for them. But I feel so bereft when they go. Ive had a lump in my throat all day. I mostly stayed home when they were small or worked around them. That's unpopular on here but it was what we all wanted. Ive got friends, a job, I keep busy. Im not sat here waiting for someone to knock on my door, I plan things and keep occupied.

But when the dcs have been here then they go, I just want to go home, to the house I grew up, with my mum and dad there. Them just pottering, watching telly, going a walk. Nothing exciting, just the foundation of my childhood and young adulthood. I just want mum to say its ok, you'll miss them but you'll see them soon. Just reassure me all is well. I know it is, but I haven't been reassured by my parents in at least 20 years. I looked after mum after dad died. I became her mum. Its just what happened.

I just want to go home and sit with them. And drink tea. Then come back here and get on with my life.

But I can't and its overwhelming sometimes.

I lost my DP's nearly 20 years ago and we had to sell the family home. I am the youngest sibling of a large family and had spent the longest time there and had cared for my DM during her last illness

I still refer to my family home as 'home' - the place where I now live, by myself, is just a flat

I made the great mistake of going back to look at my old family home a few years ago. My DP's had always kept it immaculate - I cried when I saw the state of it

@JacknDiane I completely understand how you feel. I miss the cups of tea, the silly little chats, the cosiness, the feeling of someone caring so much about me, the family Christmas's, someone to say goodnight to . . . the list could go on for ever

I don't have any answers for you but, like other OP's, I know how you feel.

Hey, I used to have this emptiness and longing for that family feeling even though I technically had it and should've been fine. Turns out it was trauma. What helped me was therapy, I couldn't be less lonely if I tried now. My DH and my kids are all I need.

@JacknDiane your posts made me think of this poem by DH Lawrence:

Softly, in the dusk, a woman is singing to me;
Taking me back down the vista of years, till I see
A child sitting under the piano, in the boom of the tingling strings
And pressing the small, poised feet of a mother who smiles as she sings.

In spite of myself, the insidious mastery of song
Betrays me back, till the heart of me weeps to belong
To the old Sunday evenings at home, with winter outside
And hymns in the cosy parlour, the tinkling piano our guide.

So now it is vain for the singer to burst into clamour
With the great black piano appassionato. The glamour
Of childish days is upon me, my manhood is cast
Down in the flood of remembrance, I weep like a child for the past.

My childhood home was sold a few years ago and it nearly broke me. Every night I would dream that I was back there or trying to get back there or trespassing in it. It still happens but less commonly now.

I miss when I was a child and didn't have the responsibility I do now, I miss my neighbours who are dead. I just miss the feeling of peace I had there.

Op - why not take some time to indulge in the past feelings. Watch some movies, eat food you wouldve as a youngster and enjoy. Not for too long, but just a day or two.

I 2nd this.
Go back to your old neighbourhood and have a coffee.

I sometimes drive through an area I know, even though I could go a quicker route somewhere.

I fully understand, very similar circumstances. Would love to.go back to a those times, even for a moment.
Now I'm the rock for my DC but would like a rock for me too.
Sending hugs to OP and everyone else in this crsp club 😞

Although I’m not experiencing what you are, I often find myself thinking back to when I was younger and all my older family/relatives were still alive. They’re all gone, parents, aunts, uncles. I and my siblings are now the ‘head’ of the family, which is something I can’t get my head round sometimes and it can give me a bit of a start. There’s no one above me anymore and that can seem very disconcerting.

There are some lovely words here in other languages that encapsulate what you are feeling. ❤️

I hear you! I often google my childhood home in the hope that it’s up for sale, not that I could afford to buy it anyway 💐

@JacknDiane

Oh, I get your feelings. I've never felt 'at home' other than in my hometown though I haven't lived there since 1987. We've lived in two different places since I left and neither of them have been 'home' the way 'home' is.

I'm lucky in that a cousin bought my old home from my parents so when I go visit her (we're BFFS as well as cousins) I do get to 'go home again' especially as we have shared childhood memories in the house.

My DC are grown and gone and I don't see them as much as I'd like, but that's life and isn't the cause of my homesickness. I just had such a wonderful life there and it's still such a great place to live.

To tell the truth, both DCs and I would pretty much love to live in So Calif where I grew up but it's so prohibitively expensive that it's just not feasible.

It's normal to feel like this. It's part of grief and bereavement and wishing for the past when everyone was still alive - which is sadly a life long problem you are stuck with that comes and goes. Sorry you are having a bad day. There is a bereavement board here on MN where you may find helpful advice.

and as for this nonsense:

>>>The past has gone. Onwards and upwards to the future. 😊

Tell me you've never been bereaved without telling me you've never been bereaved.

I know you’ve swiped therapy to the side, but I do wonder if a longer series of sessions could help you unpick those feelings some more.

I have PTSD and just finished 16 sessions of talking therapy through the NHS. I found chatting things through really helpful. You can self refer or ask to be referred through your GP.

If I were going to guess at those feelings it sounds like you aren’t getting the kind of nurture required to self soothe.

YANBU. I lost my big sister when I was 6 months pregnant with my first DC, and my mum passed away when my second DC was 9 months old. I would do anything for one more day back at our family home where we grew up.

@JacknDiane awwh - an odd little thing I do when I can’t sleep is mentally walk through the houses of two dead relatives. Starting running up the garden path for one, then knocking on the door and going in. It is comforting and sleep inducing.

Very much the same for me. The warmest of people and they loved their grandchildren so much. The safe haven they provided for us was wonderful and when I go to bed at night I often think of them and their little immaculate house that was so full of love and peace.

Oh poor darling! I felt every word of this! Lost both my parents way back in the 1980's when I was single and in my 20's . I missed my mum esp sooo much! We were such pals. Even after 40 years I mention her every day it helps keep my memories alive. I'm now older than both my parents when they died but I still miss them. There is no time limit in grief. Take care of yourself.

Can i ask, does anyone feel this way who has siblings they are close to?

I noticed both of my parents, on losing their parents to old age, reconnected with their siblings, I think because it represented what was left of 'their family'. I know when my parents eventually go my siblings will be a big solace to me, and I wonder if this is a sad consequence of being an only child unfortunately.... That when your parents /aunts /uncles die, that is your original family 'gone'. When you have siblings they are much more likely to still be around as you age, for a while anyway.

I lost my parents in 2020. I can see "their" house from mine. When I walk past it sometimes I can hear the current tenants kids playing in the garden and it brings back so many memories. I half expect to hear "don't eat the strawberries, yer mum/nana wants them to make jam".
I had a major health scare in 2024 and during my recovery I so wanted to be back in that house with my parents taking care of me and eating toast covered with mum's strawberry jam.

I have always thought that homesick should really be called timesick.

I want to go home to the terraced house I lived in in Balham, with my friends in it, to make a drink and take it into the back garden and have a cig and chat before we make dinner, with the lilac out and the cat on my knee.
Life wasn't perfect at all but it was better than what was coming and it was my last really happy time.

I get it.

@JacknDianei know exactly what you mean. And this has prompted me to plan a visit to my mum’s place

Must be a Sunday feeling too as I was just thinking of and talking about the Sundays I had as a child . Then I had my DCs and having them , my parents and aunts and uncles still alive and well all at the same time , were the happiest years of my life . So glad I have pleasant memories to look back on . Some people are not so fortunate and that makes me sad to think of anyone having a difficult or unsafe childhood
@SqueakyDinosaur I love that poem .

Me too!

It's so sad, my mum and dad are both gone and some days I still struggle with it. Big hugs to you (both) ❤️

I am very close to my siblings especially now that we are older. When we were younger it wasn't always possible to meet up as we were busy bringing up children and didn't all live close to each other.

I still long for my childhood at times and miss my parents. I think it's yearning for a happier, carefree time when I had no worries and felt safe knowing that my parents would be there to make everything ok.

I still dream about my childhood home. I've never dreamt about the house we live in now even though we have lived here for over 30 years.

@JacknDiane I wonder too whether part of what you’re feeling is something even deeper than missing your parents or your children growing up. Maybe it’s that moment in life where you start asking yourself what all of this is ultimately for.

When we’re younger, life has such a clear structure to it. We are someone’s child. Then we become the ones needed by our own children. There is purpose in the doing, the caring, the building of family life. But when the house becomes quieter and the people who anchored us are gone, it can leave this huge, aching question underneath everything: what is the deeper meaning of all this?

Thank you OP for starting this thread and @EvangelicalAboutButteredToast thanks for mentioning talking therapies. I have just self referred

My mum became closer to her siblings later in in life when her parents had passed. My DH has too. Sadly I’m an only one and really feel orphaned, i had one uncle left but he sadly passed soon after my mum.