To expect my son to let me know how his GCSEs are going?

[Youshouldbestrongerthanme]

Son is with his dad this week.
I asked him before he went back to please let me know how his exams were going.
Nothing since Tuesday.
Husband says this is just "typcial teenage behaviour" but I kind of disagree?
Also, if son was with me, I'd be gently encouraging him to message Dad to let him know all was good. Ex-husband would never do this the other way around, however.

Let him do whatever is best for him.

Dd1 used to want to talk over everything in minute detail.
Dd2 I'd get a feel for how she and others had felt about it but not much else
Ds I was doing well if I got a grunted "fine" after an exam.

@corkscissorschalk Absolutely. An "I'm OK" is all I'm looking for as I'm not there to see him or ask him in person. I'm definitely not expecting an essay.

I used to hate when people asked me that. There is no way of knowing - it may feel like it went well or badly but until the results come out, how do people know?

Presumably if there is some kind of issue, he will let you know?

What if he’s not feeling ok? What if he’s knackered/stressed/it’s not going well and he doesn’t want to talk to you about it. This time isn’t about you

Can’t you just ring him and ask how it’s going?

Can’t you just ring him and ask how it’s going?

@BuildbyNumbere His Dad doesn't like me calling on "his' weeks, even if briefly.
@ToKittyornottoKitty In that case it would be nice to think he could confide in me as his mum?

I actually think you should have sent more than one message, but not asking for information, just saying that you are thinking of him.

Right now, there’s no benefit to you knowing how the exams have gone, and he clearly doesn’t want to talk about that, there is a benefit to him knowing you are thinking of him, support him etc.

Can you message your ex and ask how DS is doing, if he seems ok, stressed etc. just so you know how to support him this coming week.

It’d be nice but is that the relationship you have with your son? If not why’s that his fault? He’s a teenager and he’s at his other parents house. Even more difficult for him if you and his dad don’t speak with each other properly.

@FancyBiscuitsLevel Unfortunately I don't have that sort of relationship with my ex and try, where possible, to grey rock due to past events.

@ToKittyornottoKitty His father coercively controlled me for many years so it feels unsafe.

I’m sure this week could be an exception considering what is happening

My middle one lives with his dad and is currently doing GCSE's.

I agree with the posters saying that he is under enough pressure without having to have go over the how was the exam was to his dad and then to you. I also think you are being rude to those posters because they aren't agreeing with you.

You are struggling with feeling out of the loop. That's a you thing.

@WasThatACorner Has your son been in touch with you at all as his mum? May I ask how much contact you have with him? That's the part I find tricky.

Leave him.

That's all, just leave him in peace.

Only send messages like, thinking of you, am very proud! Or This must be a tough week but you'll get through. Sending lots of love.
adding: I know you've got this but if there is anything I can do for you, let me know. Even send him a mini care parcel with some nice perfume you know he likes a book if he likes to read, his favourite sweet. With a postcard saying wishing you luck.

Then, leave him.

Do not be needy for him to reassure you during this challenging period.

Or transfer a tenner at the end of each week - just stuff like that. You have to boost him, not him you.

Your son should have zero have-to's other than revising, resting, and trying to eat well.

My dc is doing GCSEs right now.

They come home from school absolutely wiped. Then they need to recharge as ,much as possible on the day and carry on revising, rinse repeat. It's relentless.

@filipsheep A lovely idea, but I don't have access to his account and £10 to him I imagine would be an insult!
I've popped some of his favourite sweets on his desk for when he comes back.

@filipsheep A lovely idea, but I don't have access to his account and £10 to him I imagine would be an insult!
I've popped some of his favourite sweets on his desk for when he comes back.

Will he stay with you next week?

Some kids do want to talk though each section, what they put, if they think they got all the mark scheme points in etc, some don’t - they’ve done it and are mentally dropping it until results day and just focussing on the next exam. would I be right that you were the former type when you were at school?

You want information about how the exam went, but you don’t need it and there’s nothing you can do with that info anyway.

x-psot, so he's coming back, hopefully this weekend?

I know all people have different financial expectations, but why is a tenner in addition to usual pocket money is an insult?

And why don't you have his account details?

He has, I've sent him a message most days asking how his day was and he has either replied with something about his exams or general chitchat. He is very academic and exams aren't a worry for him.

Contact is whenever he wants it, however he wants it. It is hard so I do sympathise with you but you need to let your son lead in this.

They’ve literally just started. Realistically, if he came home after an exam you’d say “how was it?” He’d say “er yeah okay” and that would be it. You’re not going to get a meaningful description from most teens. I think you let them get on, be there if they want to open up and otherwise wait for the results. Dd1 did not want to talk about GCSEs at all during that period and we all walked in egg shells for a few weeks. Thankfully she’s much calmer doing her alevels.