Is anyone actually having passionate/ good sex?

[Polyestered]

I mean those of us in our late 30s/40s and beyond, in a long term relationship/ marriage and in the small child era. What is your secret? Clearly if you’re reading this age 22 and have been with your boyfriend for a year you don’t need a secret 😅

I don’t have a bad marriage (but it’s not wildly great either) but after 15 + years together and 2 invasive and whiny children under 5, the chemistry is zero. There is no passion. I want it back but it just feels like there’s so much “STUFF” between us, we have no privacy from the kids, it’s a buzz kill for me. I simultaneously want to switch off, completely let go and lose all the thoughts in my head but can’t and I’m so uptight, and so bored and frustrated all at once. 😮‍💨 is this inevitable or has anyone managed to keep the passion alive?

We were all perfectly fine without graphic descriptions of your vagina on the prowl thanks!

No dip in passion here.

We've been together over 16 years, have 3 kids and we are still passionate, have pretty much always had sex at least twice a week. If anything, it's more difficult now that they're older and more "aware" and stay up later 🫣

There's so many factors which can impact things though in fairness. I suppose we are quite fortunate that we have always been in sync

Genuinely love this!

We are quite similar to be fair!

I got confused and thought we’d moved onto kids lunchbox esp with the mice

Speak for yourself, she made me laugh, it's you who's come on a thread about sex and is catsbum mouthing about a woman saying she fancies her husband!

This made me lol!

Might not apply to you but could explain the guardedness as I recognise a bit of that myself - I've noticed since having the DC I basically never experience spontaneous desire anymore, whereas before I did frequently. This meant my DH relied on me to signal I was in the mood, and now I hardly ever am, it's hard for him to initiate because 99% of the time it'll be a no, and he was previously used to near 100% yes (because he was only acting on my 'invitation' in the first place). I can still get in the mood maybe 30% of the time but it requires a lot more effort on his part, and I'm not that bothered anyway for all the reasons you mentioned, so it's a bit of a stalemate for now. We keep communicating though so I'm confident we'll find a way through when the DC are a bit older.

Iv been single for 4 years and havent had sex once. He left when i got pregnant. I feel kind of happy that i dont have to havevit if im honest.

Um, yes, but only because I’m divorcing DH and realised I actually fancy women. Sex drive through the roof.

At 70 my drive has been limited by the knowledge that my beloved DH's health issues, multiple, serious -- will restrict the hanging from the chandeliers.

Also in the same boat with never experiencing spontaneous desire anymore since DC and I feel so sad about this and have no idea how to make it better

Early 50s together for 27 years and we are having the best sex

When they were under 5, no. It could be months between.

Now they're older, we have more time alone and have rekindled the passion.

We do, we have always had great sex. But like anything life can get in the way.

It has had its ups and downs for us much like any other couple when the kids are young, then work stress and illness all take it's toll during those times you just need to do what you can to stay close.

We are now coming out of the harder days our youngest child is about to go to secondary and my job stress is reduced.

One thing that has helped reignite desire in me has been listening to a couple of spicy audio books (although one was a bit too much) it made me realise I used to think (because I had the headspace) about sex with my husband that has helped me to want sex more frequently.

Is the lack of passion due to circumstances OP or something else?

Perhaps this is where the spicy books have helped me to trigger that spontaneous desire now they have my brain remembers what that is like.

It ebs and flows. Being away from the house helps. A period where we both WFH helped - lunchtime sex was a great novelty. For me, I need change (place/times not the person) to keep it interesting.

Do you fancy him, and do you have any libido? If you have both those things you have everything you need. Maybe it's just a passionate quickie in a quiet time, maybe you surprise him or maybe you plan it. But if you fancy him, tell him. You're being careful around each other, sp you could break that by sending him a really naughty text and see what he does. Something small and cheeky to get both your bloods heated up a little.

42, 3 kids aged 12, 11 and 7. Youngest is profoundly autistic and sleeps 5-6 hours a night.
We still have really good sex, just less often than we’d like.

No.

I’m not but I think my husband probably is and I’m ok with that.

Yes (48, DH 50s).
Sounds like you are too much in your head. Just fuck your husband! With kids as young as yours you need to prioritise quickies. Notice the things about him that have done it for you before. Touch him, smell him, get physically connected and take opportunities when they arise.

How are you making it work? I’m interested as I’m struggling and I only have one child.

How about daytime dates, my husband and I used to take an occasional afternoon off together when the dc were in school, with childminders, or with friends, anything so long as they were safely looked after. We’d have lunch, go for a walk or the cinema, then we’d go home for sex before picking the dc up. It helped us to relax, reconnect and be intimate. It really helped, just us, no pressures.

Yes - but not with long term partner

The women on here having affairs and thinking it’s funny, fucking grim!