To not contribute to DH child maintenance

[Redbean667]

So DH is self employed and gets paid weekly he has 1 DS and pays maintenance to his mum weekly and has child EOW as works away. I have 2 DS and work 12.5 hour shifts and my mum helps me with school pick up and drop offs (both teenagers) when I am working- DSS school is around 1 hour from us as his mums is 40 mins away and it’s 20 mins further from her house.
we had DSS last weekend when his mum rings Sunday late afternoon to say she forgot to say she is on holiday and was already at the airport so DSS will be with us for the week. Due to my shifts and own children I could not work school runs that late notice so DH had to take the week off- unfortunately was a vital week for his work before they finish one job and move to the next so he was let go as had let them down last minute.
He has told ex he lost job and maintenance will not commence until he finds another and he will let her know when this is- she has sent text saying I have to pay it and it’s my responsibility.
I have said absolutely not as I am now trying to find money for our home and bills because she decided to not give adequate notice for her holiday and I actually don’t have enough to cover everything at my home and pay her. Texts from ex are getting increasingly angry as she is in holiday and ‘needed that money while away’ saying what I disgrace I am letting her son go without- I pointed out he hasn’t gone without as is our home.
so AIBU for not paying her

Am guessing you're not a single parent
Its unrelenting. A week away vs having another adult present and contributing in all ways...hmmm know which one id have chosen. Seriously dont understand how men truly seem to believe "having their DC EOW" means they are contributing and being a good parent.
I'd so love to hear her story here.

Sure. But if she had given OP's dh sufficient notice, then he could have planned around having his son for the week. Instead, she deliberately waited until it was too late for him to adjust his schedule, and backed him into a corner. Then she was shocked! Shocked! that he lost his job and expects his wife to fund her vacation. She behaved vindictively and is now angry at the entirely logical consequences of her bad behavior.

It may be normal ?? But its bloody pathetic. And does not make a man a good parent. Its disgusting so stop defending it.

All these oh so wonderful EOW dads. Jeez is the bar really so low that women are defending this.

How terrible of your DH to have lost his job.
Taking that week off should not have entered his mind.

He should have sent his son to the nearest school or with your kids for the week..
Thinking that it is reasonable to travel that far and lose a job over school attendance is nuts.
Did he consult the school to ask for on-line work?

You think you can send a kid to a random school for week? 😳

He should have done what?

But he’s paid weekly. I can’t live for two weeks on one week’s wages, can you? With no notice that you have to?

i’m really surprised at some of these responses. I’m inherently prejudiced towards the mothers and against the fathers in these scenarios, but this mother’s behaviour is appalling. Her poor son, not knowing that he won’t be home on Sunday as usual but instead is to spend a week at dad’s. The son’s dad, given no chance to plan how to have his son at home for this week- it doesn’t sound as if he tries to dodge parenting, to be fair. And then expecting that another woman who has her own kids to support (OP didn’t say they were also her husband’s kids) will stump up the cash that her son’s dad would have provided had he been given notice of the holiday. Unbelievable, outrageous. Awful behaviour.

@Redbean667 i would seriously consider going for 50:50 or even primary custody, this mother seems to see the lad as a source of income to fund holidays. It’s so unfair to the boy, really quite cruel.

She said he works away which is why he can only take his son EOW. Generally I wouldn't expect someone who was working away and presumably sharing bills with a partner to be living week to week.

I know it's not easy to just change jobs, but I do wonder how many fathers who work away even look into it so that they could see their kids more?

Well he might have been able to be more than an EOW parent if the ex hadn't moved away to suit her new husband's job.

Sounds like mum is fed up of coping with autistic ds and wanted a break.

I don't care how much she wanted a break, it was a shitty selfish way to achieve it.

So exactly who was supposed to look after his child whilst doing all his school work online? Dad works away, stepmum works 12hour shifts..she's already stated that the lad cannot be left home alone. OP's mum also works. Do you really think that if there was another childcare option available that Dad would have canned off his work commitments off at such short notice?

Even more unlikely at such short notice.
A taxi would probably have been cheaper.

For most its specialist work that pays better than they could earn at home. And it becomes go where the work is to make use of your skills.

She must have known she was booking a holiday. Why didn't she actually arrange it with the Ops partner before she did it?

What made her choose a school 20 mins further away from the Dad.

Well she seems to think they could drop the child off at the nearest school for the week so presumably yes....

Surely no cms to be paid this week anyway if dss is at your home?
Offer to drop some bread and milk off for when she gets home. But you aren't funding her holiday spending money.

Nor is the boys mother

OP said he is paid weekly. If we start quibbling with the facts as presented by the OP then there’s no point in answering the thread at all.

The child is autistic. Maybe the school is the only one that will take him.
Maybe he cannot cope with going alone in a taxi.
Maybe he cannot cope with a temporary child minder/ baby sitter.
Maybe he cannot be home schooled or be left alone at home.
Because of his autism.
I am sure his mum's life is tough, but the way she has behaved is totally unproductive.
There may have been appropriate discussions, mediation, planning between his parents, maybe not.
There will have to be some planning and strategising now and I hope a manageable solution can be reached.

Yes I know he's paid weekly, but I'd generally expect when people work away that they are getting paid a decent amount so wouldn't expect them to be broke each week.

I'm not saying he should pay her this week, I was just responding to the other posters comments.

Of course an autistic child who cannot be left alone would be absolutely fine to get in a taxi by themselves.
Honestly.

We literally have one side of this story. Im gobsmacked anyone thinks child support is funding holidays. And still men get a free pass. No matter how little they do.

stump up the cash that her son’s dad would have provided had he been given notice of the holiday.
My guess is they never have him for a week and she knew they would refuse.

I would seriously consider going for 50:50 or even primary custody, this mother seems to see the lad as a source of income to fund holidays.
They clearly dont want full custody lol EOW suits them just fine

Haven’t you read the OP’s comments where she says they routinely have the kid while his mum and her new husband go on holiday? They never take the boy, he gets his holidays with his dad. It does save time and frothing if you read the OP’s comments at least.

If you want to make shit up @BurnoutGP then do so, but your suppositions are all contrary to the info we get from the OP. And if you want to hear both sides before passing judgement then perhaps you shouldn't pass judgement (also,find a different forum, that's not how this one works).