To not contribute to DH child maintenance

[Redbean667]

So DH is self employed and gets paid weekly he has 1 DS and pays maintenance to his mum weekly and has child EOW as works away. I have 2 DS and work 12.5 hour shifts and my mum helps me with school pick up and drop offs (both teenagers) when I am working- DSS school is around 1 hour from us as his mums is 40 mins away and it’s 20 mins further from her house.
we had DSS last weekend when his mum rings Sunday late afternoon to say she forgot to say she is on holiday and was already at the airport so DSS will be with us for the week. Due to my shifts and own children I could not work school runs that late notice so DH had to take the week off- unfortunately was a vital week for his work before they finish one job and move to the next so he was let go as had let them down last minute.
He has told ex he lost job and maintenance will not commence until he finds another and he will let her know when this is- she has sent text saying I have to pay it and it’s my responsibility.
I have said absolutely not as I am now trying to find money for our home and bills because she decided to not give adequate notice for her holiday and I actually don’t have enough to cover everything at my home and pay her. Texts from ex are getting increasingly angry as she is in holiday and ‘needed that money while away’ saying what I disgrace I am letting her son go without- I pointed out he hasn’t gone without as is our home.
so AIBU for not paying her

Absolutely this!!

Sorry, I know it’s not the point of the thread but is your DH certain he’s not entitled to holiday pay?

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/work/holidays-and-holiday-pay/check-if-youre-entitled-to-paid-holidays/

She got a break when she was at the airport about to go on holiday, having abandoned her son without any childcare organised - she is not a victim

Absolutely do not give that bitch one penny of your money and if I was your husband I would be tempted to get social services involved. Swanning off on holiday without even a thought as to if his dad (never mind you) could have him for the week, absolutely unbelievable. She doesn’t deserve children quite frankly. Personally just to piss her off if I could afford it I would tell your husband not to bother working for a few months so she continues to get sweet FA 🤣

I think I would have forked out for a taxi to school and then home again and taken that off the maintenance that your hubby should have paid. Whilst Inappreciate your husband is self employed so lost his job, you could have taken emergency parental leave as with a disabled child (asd is a disability legally) you could have made arrangements to get home to meet the taxi

She didn't leave her child with his father - she rang from the airport saying he was alone and the dad's responsibility - that is abandonment

I'm confused how he lost his job if he is self employed - is he a freelancer that lost a contract for poor performance?

How many of us parents - single or with a partner - get to have a break away from home ánd without our child(ren)? I think most of us just plan our vacations around the children's school calender, and are happy to sneak out for lunch with a friend during all those other weeks.

I’m not one to say step parents should be responsible for the step kids but in this case I think I would have taken the week off to prevent my DP loosing a contract.

I’d be explaining that actually as you have had him full time this week she I’m fact owes your DH child maintenance if she wants to play like that

You don’t have to pay anything. You have no legal obligation to do so. Do not pay a dime. Let her go to CMS. It’s an issue between him and his ex and id stay out of it.

Not your problem. Feed him, buy him stuff if you need to or want to but not her.

How do people live in situations like this?

You can tell her to fuk off and then fuk off a little bit further. No one forgets they are going on holiday and your husband has lost his job because of her selfishness. Not a penny.

OP you are not responsible for Dss maintenance ex should have given you more notice and she knows, cf did it in purpose to purely inconvenience you and now your DH lost his job, hope he can find another one soon

I feel very sorry for the 12yo boy in this situation. What a crappy mother he has and a father who can’t support him. I hope he has some other role models within the family and a good head on his shoulders. I predict life will be an uphill battle for him at least some of the way!!!

A father who can't support him because his mother selfishness cost him his job! His father put him first at the expense of his job, I would say that that is a pretty good role model.

not That I condone it, but I was thinking the same thing. I don’t think EOW constitutes actual parenting and I doubt whatever maintenance is paid makes up for the 85% of workload the mother makes up for. So personally I would still pay the child maintenance.

Ridiculous.

Well he can't as he no longer has a job, and OP says very clearly that she goes away three times a year that they arrange time off for, and factor into their financial arrangements as he is self employed. Sounds more like it was a last minute decision to go away so she knew he wouldnt be able to say yes if she asked him in advance, so presented him with a fait accompli.

@PyongyangKipperbang and as they should?
I would suggest that as a family unit they do have an income to provide the child maintenance, and although don’t have to legally, morally I wouldn’t bat an eyelid about helping to provide financially for a step child that was part of my family unit.

Poor kid. Îd rather have him live with you full time and see his mum at week ends if she regularly pulls tricks like this. It must be quite destabilizing for him. I definitely wouldn’t send her any money.

Put your own oxygen mask on first . Quite frankly- f**k her!
She knew what she was doing . Tell her to go via CMS

My ex has my daughter eow and pays maintenance . I agree that it doesn’t cover all the work I do. However, if I got him to loose his job my actions, I’d be very cheeky in asking money.

I don't know the full circumstances but is it at all possible she's still bitter at losing her husband to another woman if that is what happened as it sounds like she wants to make things as difficult as possible and is dishing out some kind of punishment?