to find menopausal weight management mentally exhausting and restrictive?

[caretoshare]

I genuinely did not understand before how much mental energy it can take. You spend years being told to “eat healthy”, “move more”, “it’s just calories in versus calories out”, and then suddenly your body seems to change the rules without informing you. You can eat what feels like practically nothing and still gain weight from one takeaway, one dessert, one slightly normal weekend. Meanwhile people around you are saying “just be in a calorie deficit” as if you have not already reduced everything enjoyable.

It is not even vanity for many women. It is the exhausting feeling that maintaining your weight now requires permanent restriction and hypervigilance. You start mentally calculating every handful of nuts, every spoon of oil, every piece of bread, because the margin for error feels tiny.

What makes it worse is how invisible it is. Menopause is discussed in terms of hot flushes and periods stopping, but less about the sheer frustration of feeling your metabolism and body composition shift while being expected to behave as though nothing has changed.

Yes I exercise and I do weight training as well.

I know weight gain is not the worst thing in the world, but the constant mental negotiation around food can become draining. Sometimes it feels like menopause means your body now demands lifelong restraint just to stay the same size.

I know it is not like this for ALL women.

Good for you…..?

Are you not struggling with weight gain, then?

You can buy a thyroid test kit in Boots for a tenner @DaffodilValley. It's one of those finger prick tests. If you got a concerning result with it, your GP might agree to FBC. (Assuming you can get through to the surgery at all, which many can't.)

Are any/all of you on HRT? I’m 70 this year and following a diagnosis of arthritis in one knee I decided it was vital I lose 3 stone. I’m very nearly there and aiming for just below top end healthy weight. I have been doing lots of exercise, including spin, yoga and weight training. I have 1000 calories a day and have cut out all UPF, alcohol and sugar not actually part of fruit etc.
I found an old diary from 2004 when I last had this amount to lose and much to my surprise I lost weight at exactly the same rate then, half a stone a month.
I have been on HRT for over 20 years, presently a Mirena coil and Estrogel. I wonder if this is what helps?
I’m concerned about maintenance too but I do know that if you have a big meal or it is Christmas anything you put on goes very quickly if you get back on diet calories for a few days.
I’m hoping my tastes in food have changed enough not to have problems. The benefits of weight loss for me have been sleeping all night, hardly any pain in my knee and looking a lot better in my clothes , now just reaching size 10. Nuts are out of the question for me, far too many calories.

I'm not saying you're being unreasonable to be asking. It's a known issue that affects lots of us. Some of us have posted about the role fat plays in creating oestrogen, so there's a scientific basis for it. But it's clear from your posts that you can't eat less than you already are, unless you're willing to take advice like eating on a 20-4 regimen, which maybe works for that poster, but won't work for the majority of us.

As far as I can see, you can
try eating differently
get WLI privately
try HRT
find a happy medium between controlling your weight and living your life

I know you already exercise, but how much general movement is built into your day? Interestingly, while we sometimes moan to each other, most of my friends also aren't dealing with significant menopausal weight, and I think it's in part because we're in London and, in addition to more formal exercise, we tend to walk a lot. When I was recovering from an injury, I did put on a couple kilos that went away when I started walking again but before I was allowed to go back to running or the gym. Yesterday I didn't exercise at all, but I did walk over 19,000 steps, which is pretty typical. I walked the dog, ran errands on foot, did another shorter dog walk, and we went out to dinner and walked home.

I'm honestly not trying to give you a hard time. I'm just a believer in the idea that if something isn't working, try something else.

@Astrabees Yes, I'm on HRT

I really don't think HRT is for everyone. I do have heart disease and so have persevered with it for seven years. The sequential was useful to some degree, but the continuous HRT has been an absolute night mare in every way. I have severe ADHD, and I think that the progesterone may have some sort of effect on dopamine. Not only did I gain an extra stone in the nine months I was on it, I felt bloated, in pain and like I was sitting in a black cave of depression. I already had two stone to lose, so this is disheartening.

I have been weaning of it for eight weeks and I feel a million percent better. I am losing weight as did my Mum when she came off of it. She has kept the weight off for the rest of her life. I was told by my practice nurse that HRT protects women from osteoporosis but no osteo arthritis and that is has a neutral effect heart disease. I'm not sure whether it is correct so will be having a bone density scan at some point this year.

I’m 66, post menopause. I have lost 14.5 kg since the end of January eating meals from Lindsay Wilson’s “Filling Meals” book. It’s really simple, each meal is about 500 calories & very filling. I don’t get hungry, I don’t count calories but I do lose weight! He has a facebook page, Filling Meals with Lindsay. A fair few menopausal women who have previously had difficulty in losing weight but are seeing results following this way of eating and have posted about their experiences on there. It’s worth having a look!

Then why are you here??

I recognize this that this is an attempt to be helpful but surely this is bordering on disordered eating?
-you never eat breakfast save for a tea and coffee
-you rarely eat lunch, merely picking at snacks until your evening meal
-your evening meal - your only actual meal of the day is a small portion. You then eat no real food until you begin grazing at noon the next day.

In terms of exercise you do weights and Pilates 3 days a week and run 5-10k twice a week. So that’s an average of 5 days exercising in addition to usual dog walks, so ‘rarely doing formal exercise’ on the other days is rather superfluous.

I dont mean to be personally critical, this clearly works for you and you are happy with it, however, this is absolutely not realistic for most women I know. I would go insane with feelings of hunger doing this.
In addition, I have teenage daughters and worry how modeling such a large amount of ‘not eating’ would affect them. (It’s also incredibly difficult to plan, purchase and prepare hearty meals for the whole family and watch them eat whilst I don’t.)

In addition, I have teenage daughters and worry how modeling such a large amount of ‘not eating’ would affect them. (It’s also incredibly difficult to plan, purchase and prepare hearty meals for the whole family and watch them eat whilst I don’t.)

How is this managed? If I eat similar to teenage DC I will pile the weight on. Or if I choose to eat the same as them then it means barely having anything all day so I can eat with them and model healthy eating.

Their bodies are vastly different to mine. My meals need to be a lot smaller because I am menopausal.

Well in my case I’ve gained 3st and counting, so I’m not managing it.🤷🏼‍♀️
They are getting older to the point where I could explain but there’s no way I could have done at the point my weight started to creep up. They were 8 and 10 then. Even now I fear they would simply copy me when/if they see me losing weight effectively.

Has your GP refused to do bloods when you asked? I would find a new GP. If you present your symptoms they should order bloods to confirm, in my case it was weight gain, insomnia and stress.

Is it better to be overweight for fear they will copy you if you lose weight?

I eat more than most teenagers seem to these days, they all eat like birds. Do more exercise I'm serious.

Great tip!

I eat literally whatever I feel like and have no aches or pains so I think it is a good tip tbh. By all means enjoy a life of 1000 calories forever instead if you prefer.

Amazing!

Listen everybody - just exercise more then no more menopausal weight troubles. @CurdinHenry has found the magic cure!!!!

I'm just not and have never been a breakfast person. I don't get hungry before 11. How is that hugely different than people who deliberately do 16/8? It just seems to be my natural body clock.

And I do eat plenty - across the course of a day, I eat as much as if I was sitting down to two meals, although possibly not 3, depending on the day. Some days it will probably add up to more. I don't count calories, I don't have any forbidden foods. I fill up quickly and don't like feeling overly full. I'm pretty good at eating, what for lack of a better term, I would call mindfully - stopping eating when I've had enough of something.

I also don't like being hungry. My 'snacks' are the exact same thing I would eat if I was sitting down to a couple more regimented meals a day, just consumed in a different pattern, and, as I said earlier, it does enable me to eat the exact same thing as the rest of the family at dinner, although with a bit more thought to having less of some things and more of others than I would have put into it ten years ago.

I don't think this is disordered. I just prefer little and often to the current orthodoxy.

Adding that I have 3 DCs, all university aged and older and they seem to eat the way that suits them. My DD does not seem to have any issues around food. One of my DS's is a bit more like me in not liking breakfast (never has) and preferring little and often.

Why do you think women in most countries (at all ages) are less fat than women in the UK? It's not some unstoppable curse.

I’m honestly unsure. I’ve gone from a dress size 6-8 to a 14. So much bigger, overweight for my height but not obese. I really don’t want to teach my girls that as females they shouldn’t eat 3 balanced meals a day. Or let them in to the depressing news that over 44-ish they need to drastically reduce that down to 2 small portioned meals

You definitely shouldn't tell them that because it isn't true.

What are you getting from being on this thread? Since you're clearly not remotely interested trying to be helpful.

Get running UK menopausal women. Lets all run like @CurdinHenry then we can eat what we want!!

You don't think it's helpful to point out that women don't automatically turn into balls of butter at 44?

I'd be despairing if I were 35 and reading this nonsense.

I remember as a kid all these ultra boring mums forever on diets (and commenting on my primary school lunches as was acceptable for some reason in the 80s). That is a choice and a bad one.

There is not just one norm of 3 balanced meals a day. Plenty of people eat only one or two meals a day.

Bodies change with age. The needs of young children are very different to those of menopausal women. I have to eat differently to my teens.

Wow it's an epiphany!