AIBU to ask if you’d like to have your own bedroom?

[EllisIsEllis]

Inspired by some comments on the bathroom thread to ask this.

Recently my DH and I moved into separate bedrooms due to his snoring, and we both love it! We feel well rested and enjoy each having our own space.

If you are in a relationship, would you want your own bedroom if you had the space?

YABU - No, I prefer to share
YANBU - Yes, I’d love to have my own room

Yep and love it. I like my own space. Moved when I was pregnant and never went back.

My parents have slept separately for years due to my dad's snoring. Think my mother would have murdered him in his sleep by now if they hadn't.

This would never work for us, neither of us would be arsed to get out of a nice cosy, comfy cuddle in bed to go back to our own beds!
When my kids were little and woke up in the night, DH or I would get in bed with them and promptly nod off, more often the wakeful child would get fed up of the sleeping parent and go and get in our bed!

Me and my partner dont live together but i hate it when hes not cuddled next to me. Sleep so much better

Definitely! I fantasise about this when I'm visiting historic houses where married couples would certainly have their own enormous room, as well as bathrooms and dressing rooms.

Far from being an insult to your partner, I think it's much more romantic to keep the banalities of everyday life to yourself. I hate it, for example, when my husband sees me getting dressed. He thinks that's weird, and probably most people would - but I want to appear magically looking nice, not be watched struggling into my underwear or tights etc, or trying to fasten up tight jeans.

But very few of us have the option!

I think it's something that people keep quiet about. I don't tell anyone ( except MN!) - my best friend has no idea. Another friend said the other day that something was "next to her husband's bed" so... Again, no one would guess.

No I don't talk about it. DH has the nicest bedroom I abandoned due to hip surgery. My room is full of toys because it's the grandkids sleepover room. But now DH has the dogs in the nice bedroom with the dressing room and built-in wardrobes and my asthma means I can't share it.

He actually washed his bedding this morning and hoovered up all the dog hairs. It was pretty grim.

I’d LOVE my own room. He is noisy. And messy. But I worry it would make us less close.

We have bedroom on different floors and the way my house is opposite ends of the house, it is bliss!
We each have our own bathrooms, works for us.

I’ve been consciously trying to treat it as a normal thing, rather than a secret, so have no problem mentioning it to people when appropriate.

At least one of my close friends is in a similar situation, and when we were talking about it with a bigger group they seemed a bit envious - one of the reasons I thought the 10% stat was wrong.

I have found it has the opposite effect
He doesnt get on my nerves as much, no farting,snoring and mess means Im happier and sleep better.
Im not a cuddly person and LOATHE anyones body partsscrapy nails included touching me in bed , so I dont have to push him off 55 times a night -geroff!

Due to the volume of snoring and his RLS and the drama of cramp , I was getting 1-2 hours a night and heading for psychosis.
It was separate rooms or divorce

@EllisIsEllis
Every female friend Ive mentioned it to is very wistful indeed

There is something about having my own space again that is bliss and its beautifully decorated

I'd love this. My DH would hate it but I actually prefer to have my own space. I get far too hot when he cuddles up to me but gets offended if I push him away.

I knew a couple years ago who bought two terraced houses next door to each other. They knocked through and made a really large reception room downstairs which was great for parties, and then upstairs had separate bedrooms and bathrooms and spare rooms, so their separate adult children could visit, and a door through between their bedrooms which locked on both sides. They'd been together for years and it worked great for them. I've lost touch now, but assume they're still together.

When you've been together for a while/little annoying things become bigger annoyances, yes! I know lots of couples who sleep separately, some in different parts of the country!

It's a luxury to have your own room and you can always pop in and out anyway. Xx

My DH and I have separate bedrooms - he's extremely restless in his sleep and talks and snores and is a duvet hogger,

My medication makes me cough a lot at night no matter what position I lie in (and unfortunately makes me very loud with the ArseWind Orchestra at night when I'm asleep), plus I sometimes snore too.

We love having bedrooms next to each other - both are decorated to our own tastes and we've also discovered that we prefer different types of bedding (he loves that fluffy teddy stuff whereas I only like cotton, so that could have been another potential night-time whinge.

I personally love nothing more than being able to stretch out in the bed (okay, that's a bit of a lie as both of my Border Collies and my cat like to snuggle up to me at night, so I can stretch but sometimes it feels like being on a medieval rack as the dogs like to plonk themselves in the central area and the cat likes to sit and dribble on my forehead when I'm drifting off to sleep - hmmm, I'm not selling this Separate Sleeping very well am I?
Anyway, I digress ---- I love snuggling in my big bed of which I get a quarter (just as well I'm short!!) and watching a movie with a scented candle burning.

DH and I end up calling out to each other through the adjoining wall like kids anyway and our relationship is fine - we still show each other love and respect and it works for us.

To be honest, I've been surprised by how many people I know, who admit that they sleep in separate rooms - I used to feel embarrassed about it as it seemed wrong somehow but now I don't care who knows,.

Hi op do you share this information with people in real life as I hear a lot of people want to do it but not sure if they would be open about it. Are you?

I already have my own - moved into the spare room (king size bed) a couple of years ago. We’re both up and down in the night to the loo, and I don’t sleep well anyway - often awake for ages reading, and even the Kindle can disturb dh. Now and then when we have guests I move into a spare single, or back with dh (also a nice big bed) but it works fine for us.

Yes, I do. Only if it comes up naturally in conversation, but I don’t want it to feel like a dirty little secret, especially as we have two teen DC. I always explain the reason (snoring) and would definitely find it much more awkward if we did not have such a clear reason for doing it - though there are so many reasons people might want to.

I would hate to have separate rooms, although we do have a super king bed.
Would love a larger ensuite with 2 sinks though!

I know lots of couples especially ones that have been together for years who sleep separately.

I get the impression it’s rife but no one wants to talk about it.

I am thinking 50% of couples who have been together for a while and of course have the space are doing it. Am I wrong?

DH and I moved to separate bedrooms in 2021 because he was particularly restless when he was ill with COVID and never went back. It's much better for me. I'm peri-menial and sleep badly. He likes to go to bed later than me too.

When we made it permanent, our cleaner said she was surprised we hadn't done it sooner. Apparently lots of her clients have separate bedrooms.

My cousin was outraged when I told her we did this. "What?! Don't you love him?!"

Stupid cow.

And no, I don't love the snoring, farting or tossing and turning. If you have the room, no need to torture yourself.

I sleep much better when DP is there, I miss her when she’s working nights, we’re very close and affectionate and I want to cuddle her every morning and night.

👏👏👏

This
Its absolute bliss!

This is what my DH said but the point was I didnt sleep at all and after zero sleep I felt like murdering him not cuddling