Incidental costs for children - who should pay?

[hoisttocrew]

My ex husband has decided to stop covering incidental costs for my children. He pays over £550 per month in child maintenance, and I also receive a share of his pension (lump sum already received, and monthly payments as well). My salary is £85k, and I receive over £900 per month in rent from my new partner. My ex husband lives nearby and has asked for equal access to our children, but I have refused. When he asked why, I got my solicitor to threaten him with court action for harassment and intimidation.

AIBU to expect him to cover incidental costs on top of what he already pays?

Well this sounds like a reverse

I was about to say that!!?

Agreed. A complete waste of everyone’s time

🙄

You will manage...

🙄

This must be a reverse. Surely no one would brag about accusing someone of harassment for wanting to share custody.
They also wouldn't declare their own income, including rent but not include the ex's income.
Come on then OP, how much do you earn (the real you, not the one you're pretending to be)? That will help people give honest opinions on incidental costs

is this a reverse?!

I'm generally awful at spotting a reverse, but I DO have excellent prior experience in dealing with tight fisted asshole ex husbands who begrudge any kind of support, financial or otherwise, to the children they were more than happy to take part in creating.

Never seen a more obvious reverse

Really? 😂

Tell us more...

Reverse from point of ex-h’s partner?

Well, I don't know about it being a reverse, I think it might just be a daydream that the OP has, and she decided to entertain herself by posting it here? Unfortunately, @hoisttocrew you have just overegged the pudding a little too much. Serving it with custard might have been okay, but the whipped cream and cherry on the top was just too much...

Are you the ex husband’s new partner? Sounds like you’re in for an exciting life…

What's a reverse??

Reverse.

And a reverse from someone who doesn’t know the terminology re child arrangements

A reverse is when the Original Poster is actually the person they are complaining about. In this car, the reverse is the parent who is doing so so much but only refusing 'incidental costs'.

You haven’t said why him asking for 50/50 has resulting in a threat of court action for harassment? Come on, is this a wind up?

And then at some point the OP says ‘Yes, sorry, its a reverse & I’m actually this other person’ but by then the thread is pretty much buggered anyway.

'My ex husband lives nearby and has asked for equal access to our children, but I have refused. When he asked why, I got my solicitor to threaten him with court action for harassment and intimidation.'

LOL. If you post a reverse, you can't phrase it like this!

You're the new partner, aren't you? And you think (rightly) that the ex wife is a grasping and greedy woman.

Let me guess OP, you’re the new girlfriend and your boyfriend has told you a sob story about how he pays soooo much in maintenance but the evil ex wife won’t let him see the kids??

Well, hi there new-partner-of-the-ex-husband.

To stick to the point…if “incidentals” are pre-agreed and sensible, then they should be shared between both parents regardless of maintenance agreements. You don’t mention what the dad’s salary is, which would seem relevant…the only details you’ve given relate to the mother, and those that help your cause.

😅

Reverse?