Not drunk but driving

[Thesafetygeneral]

I love my partner and they’re amazing in every single way except one thing.
except they sometimes drink and drive. Not so they’re blind drunk of course but sometimes 1 or 2 drinks more than they should or such a small amount that they may not be over the limit but verging on it and skating think.
I’ve told them categorically how this is wrong and the risks of this, car crash, hurting other people, losing their license etc etc.
my partner doesn’t have a drinking problem (alcoholic etc) but this really pisses me off.
I just don’t know what to do now and how to deal with this. I feel like I’m not being heard when I say I don’t like this and how serious it is.
I don’t want this relationship to end as it’s perfect in every other way but this has to stop. Please don’t ask me to “shop” them but I need some advise about how to get this through to them.

Get an alcohol blower for his vehicle?
My dh has a friend who has one in their car. They often get rides with others if
they do want to drink. Works for him! Good luck OP.
alcodigital.co.uk/

Please don’t ask me to “shop” them but I need some advise about how to get this through to them.

There ya go…

Thanks for your constructive comments, you’ve been a real help.

In the 70s when the breathalyser was introduced there were many who claimed they drove more carefully intoxicated and were therefore if anything safer drivers than when sober. Introduced in 1967, there were 1100 fewer deaths and 11,000 fewer injuries in the next year. I would support a life ban for anyone caught drink-driving.

I listed some stuff that could potentially fuck up if he was caught.
It's not worth it for couple of pints
Hope you can get through his thick skull.

@LiviaDrusillaAugusta I think you've made your point, don't you.

@Thesafetygeneral whether you like it or not, you're equally as culpable if you still get in the car with him.

Get a taxi home next time maybe, I doubt you'll be able to persuade him not to drive.

Google gave that figure. I think it is extraordinary. Whoever invented the Breathalyzer deserves a Nobel Prize. 1100 people alive in 1968, who would have been dead without the Breathalyzer.

For what it’s worth I didn’t get into the car. Nor would I ever as I don’t condone this EVER. I just wanted to ask for support about how I could deal with/ fix it going forward. Thanks you for those that have been constructive. Believe me, I know this is horrific and I’ll deal with it so it doesn’t continue

I had no intention of posting again - don’t try to shut people down.

Sit them down and give a list

if there was a crash or you were randomly stopped and you lost your licence what would happen?
if you injured me ditto
if you injured someone ditto
if you killed me ditto
if you killed another person

make them write a response

tell them if you go out together they will not be drinking
if it happens then it’s over, no reprieve

thanks

Can you purchase a breathalyser so your DP can see how close they are too the limit/over the limit? Of course this could backfire if they are indeed under the limit but showing actual proof of whereabouts they are in relation to the drink/drive limit may get your point across more than just going off your judgement/their judgement of how much is too much.

For what its worth I would report them (and I see from your updates you've said you will if/when it next happens) and i would be very upfront about it. I loathe drink/driving and think its one of the most selfish things you can do, i would report my own family members without hesitation and without an ounce of guilt if I believed they were not fit to be behind the wheel of what is essentially a deadly weapon

Not read the whole thread, forgive me it is late. But.. 1 or 2 drinks over means they're double the amount safe to drive, pretty much. They are drink driving. May not appear drunk but would bet money on the fact their responses are actually dampened down.

It is just not worth it. Drink driving absolutely wrecks lives, least of all yours and your partners. Buy him a coke.

Did you mean to quote me then? I was replying to a PP

You enable a drunk driver to drive by not reporting him when he's driving under the influence. If he maims or kills someone, you're complicit.

I wish drunk drivers would have to do the dirty work that paramedics and EMTs and other first responders have to do at the scene of drunk driving crashes.

Get a breathalyzer and have him blow before he drives.

Absolutely not trying to shut you down, at all, @LiviaDrusillaAugusta all opinions are equally valid.

Imo, you reiterated your opinion powerfully, several times and made your point

As have you.

Do you plan to have children with this asshole? Do you really think he is going to grow morals?

I worked with. A woman whose ex husband killed their 18 year old daughter. He was driving her back to uni after the holidays. He wasn’t blind drunk but over the limit.

agreed

I think this. Get them a breathalyser and tell them to check themselves

@Thesafetygeneral Not so they’re blind drunk of course but sometimes 1 or 2 drinks more than they should

I would argue that someone shouldn't be driving after having 2 drinks, so "1 or 2 drinks more" suggests they have had far too much alcohol to be driving.

The fact that 37% of mumsnetters said that you were being unreasonable shows an astonishing lack of knowledge regarding drink-driving.

Breathalysers (non police ones) were tested by Rav Wilding on BBC Morning Live and found to have wildly different and completely unreliable results.

Well, the sex of the person actually is relevant, as the amount for the average man or woman is different. From what you've written, I'm kinda thinking that 'they' are being generous with the amount they are allowing 'themself': here's a rough guide (but imho the proper amount is zero alcohol).
General Guidelines (Approximate)
Men: Drinking more than two pints of moderate-strength (4.5%) beer/lager, or two standard glasses (175ml) of 13% wine, is likely to put you over the limit.
Women: Drinking more than one pint of moderate-strength (4.5%) beer/lager, or one large glass (250ml) of 13% wine, is likely to put you over the limit.
Strong Alcohol: A single pint of strong lager or cider (e.g., 7% ABV or above) can be enough to put you over the limit, especially under proposed 2026 stricter rules.

Just fuck him off.

He does not care about you.

Are they staying under the limit as per the chart a pp posted or not?

Really hard to tell from the way you have worded it.

If they are playing a little game of brinkmanship and deliberately getting themselves right to/above the limit YANBU.
If they'll have 1 more than you would but staying within the published safe amount and you just want them to be more like you, YABU.