AIBU to think my husband is being an asshole regarding my ear infection?

[HealthConcerns]

Just that really. Currently on day 6 of an ear infection. Started as an outer ear infection, I was given antibacterial ear drops 2 days after the pain started (as I’ve had that feeling before which goes away so wanted to wait before seeing GP).

I was using them as instructed for 2 days along with alternating paracetamol and ibuprofen. No relief whatsoever, and yesterday my ear popped and some muck came out of it so I went back to my GP. My eardrum has ruptured and I’ve got a middle ear infection so am on some oral antibiotics and prescription strength pain killers.

Here is where, in my opinion the assholery behaviour starts.

Ive worked all through this, done all the school pick ups and drop offs, done my share of the housework etc without complaining but this morning (day 6 of infection, day 2 of stronger meds) my temperature spiked to 39 degrees Celsius, I’m shivering and can’t get warm, the pain is something else, I can barely lift my head off the pillow without wanting to be sick.

I didn’t really sleep last night either due to the pain so I called in sick to work today and I have another appt with the GP tomorrow (on their advice) as I really should be starting to feel better now, even if just a little bit when in reality I’m feeling worse. The whole side of my face hurts that side and I can’t open my mouth properly to chew food without my ear hurting even more.

He has had to do the school runs, dinner and dishes today, and is highly likely to need to do them tomorrow unless a miracle happens overnight. He’s been stomping around the house, moaning that he’s having to work as well as do “all your stuff” how im lazy and it’s “just an ear infection” and that im wasting resources with all these appointments and medications.

AIBU to think he’s being an asshole about me being ill or should I get a grip as it’s “just an ear infection”?

tell him due to an infection like this that was treated properly I now how permanent pulsating tinnitus and have to wear specialist hearing aids

YANBU. You are ill. He needs to step up. Interesting choice of words ‘your stuff’. He sees these as your responsibility. XH acted like this when I had an injury and couldn’t walk. Even complained about me not doing something when I was ‘sat on my arse all day.’ As soon as I could walk again, I asked to separate. He showed me who he was and I was paying attention.
Tell him he needs to step up. Point out this is what you normally do without complaint. Get yourself well then reappraise your situation.

Your dh is definitely an asshole. Ear infections can cause much worse problems if not treated quickly including mastoiditis which is very nasty.

Ear infections are fucking painful.

i can’t do stuff when I have them and just lay crying in a dark room. Hate the bastards.

yes your husband is unreasonable.

Feel better soon, OP. That sounds horrendous! And, ofcourse your DH is being a selfish inconsiderate twat. Hope this isn't his usual form, otherwise you've got bigger issues than your ear infection.

Think long and hard about your future with this man because if he’s like this about an ear infection imagine how he’ll be if you get seriously ill and need help.
Hope you get better soon

Yanbu ear infections can be so painful. I hope you feel better soon. Its so hurtful when someone who is supposed to love and care for you is acting like that im sure if the tables where turned you would be doing everything you could to help him

Yeah he’s an arse

ear infections are really painful.

is he always like this when you are ill? What happens when he’s ill? Please tell me he wasn’t like this after childbirth!

I’m a bit concerned that you’ve got worse despite oral antibiotics and worried re: sepsis. Is your ear hot at all, OP? Do you feel extremely dizzy? Please please call 111. Sepsis can potentially occur as a result of ANY infection, even ear infections. I’m not trying to scare you, I’m just a little concerned about you

You definitely cannot be waiting until tomorrow afternoon to see a doctor. Absolutely not.

What an utter arsehole.

I would be planning a future without him.

He’s awful. I’m so sorry. When you are feeling better maybe you need a serious think about the relationship and a talk. For him to say “all
your stuff” regarding the school drop off and pick ups plus dinner which is surely a shared “job” when you both work is bad enough but to call you lazy is unforgivable. My husband couldn’t do enough for me when I had a will migraine lasting for days and impacting me and my work etc. He has his own life stresses as well as work hassles right now but still supported me and comforted me and looked after me as any husband or partner should.
You are worth so much more than this. Get well soon.

Hopefully, you’ll be free of the misery soon. And of your ear infection

I was worried about sepsis too reading this - please call 111 and ask for their advice

This. I’m concerned too.

Why is it 'your stuff' that he's doing? Aren't they his DC on the school run? Is he eating the food he's cooked? How dare he?

Yes he's an unreasonable prick.

Best thing I've found for ear aches is a hot water bottle wrapped in a towel or blanket.

I hope you feel better soon, they can be agony.

@MyCottageGarden no dizziness, just nausea when I sit up but once I’m sat up it’s gone.

No heat as far as I can tell other than the temperature I’ve got. I have already spoken to 111 who advised the appointment tomorrow but did say to contact them again if I get any worse

YANBU hope you feel better soon x

He’s being a total twat. Sorry OP.
Really hope your on the mend very soon.

Another prince among men. He does realise he’s their parent too, right? Why shouldn’t he do school runs and cook dinner for his own children? Whether you are ill or not.

I had surgery 8 weeks ago and then got a horrendous chest and sinus infection that absolutely floored me for a few weeks. DH picked up all the slack - my share of school runs, dinner, cleaning - when needed, and didn’t say anything about it.

I'm inclined to say yes, arsehole - he may not explicitly intend to be, but the combination of being a complete ignoramus on the topic AND insisting he knows better than you about your own body are pretty damning.

Anyway, one partner should be able to cover the other partner's half of the household and childcare responsibilities for a day or two without complete incompetence and elevated performative huffery; it's not that unusual a situation and I'm sure you'd cover for him without a colossal fuss when needed.

You poor thing. He's being a pig. Get more medical advice and as soon as you're better have a serious talk with him about how he's acted. It's not just staggeringly selfish and insensitive- it's dangerous to you when you need care.

Please call 111 OP I had an infection like this and nearly ended up in hospital.

Please give 111 a call and if you feel worse- A&E. If the pain is spreading there is a risk you could have mastoiditis and that needs urgent assessment and treatment.

Get well soon x