AIBU to think my husband is being an asshole regarding my ear infection?

[HealthConcerns]

Just that really. Currently on day 6 of an ear infection. Started as an outer ear infection, I was given antibacterial ear drops 2 days after the pain started (as I’ve had that feeling before which goes away so wanted to wait before seeing GP).

I was using them as instructed for 2 days along with alternating paracetamol and ibuprofen. No relief whatsoever, and yesterday my ear popped and some muck came out of it so I went back to my GP. My eardrum has ruptured and I’ve got a middle ear infection so am on some oral antibiotics and prescription strength pain killers.

Here is where, in my opinion the assholery behaviour starts.

Ive worked all through this, done all the school pick ups and drop offs, done my share of the housework etc without complaining but this morning (day 6 of infection, day 2 of stronger meds) my temperature spiked to 39 degrees Celsius, I’m shivering and can’t get warm, the pain is something else, I can barely lift my head off the pillow without wanting to be sick.

I didn’t really sleep last night either due to the pain so I called in sick to work today and I have another appt with the GP tomorrow (on their advice) as I really should be starting to feel better now, even if just a little bit when in reality I’m feeling worse. The whole side of my face hurts that side and I can’t open my mouth properly to chew food without my ear hurting even more.

He has had to do the school runs, dinner and dishes today, and is highly likely to need to do them tomorrow unless a miracle happens overnight. He’s been stomping around the house, moaning that he’s having to work as well as do “all your stuff” how im lazy and it’s “just an ear infection” and that im wasting resources with all these appointments and medications.

AIBU to think he’s being an asshole about me being ill or should I get a grip as it’s “just an ear infection”?

That sounds like what almost happened to me. In france at the time but ent gave his number to phone him over the weekend if I didn’t improve on meds he gave me so I could be hospitalized for iv antibiotics. Thankfully no need in the end for me..Thank goodness they are looking after you . the pain was excruciating, I totally sympathize.

Every sympathy OP. So glad you're being looked after.

I once had an abscess on my eardrum and it was excruciating. Fortunately for me I went straight to the GP and got antibiotics but even so, it was a bad 48 hours.

About that husband: if he hasn't stepped up, without complaining, and the house isn't spotless when you get home, I would be talking to him about divorce. There's no point in being with a guy you can't rely on when things get tough.

If your husband doesn't eat a Desperate Dan sized piece of humble pie after this, maybe you need to rethink the relationship.

Tell him that you are so lazy (as he called you) that you were sent to A&E. I really hope you are kept in at least overnight to rub his nose in it.

Ouch an ear infection is horrendous! DH is tough but was rendered helpless with the several he's had, needing hot water bottles to help with the pain.

All I felt was empathy and wanted to do every could to help him as he was clearly in so much pain.

Show him videos of the effects of ear infections, emphasise what you're feeling amd tell him to man up!

Hey hun, let me put a screwdriver in your ear and see how you feel...

What a cunt. This shows you how he views you & the work you do. Entitled little twat. Sorry OP. Glad you’re getting proper care now in the absence of any from him. Why do so many men feel they’re above the drudge work of daily life. Sympathies.

My DH is deaf now due to an inner ear infection.

Divorce the prick.

I hope you’ve had a grovelling apology from your ‘D’H

Talking of pricks, may his next shit be a ginormous hedgehog.

Not being supportive through ill health would be a deal breaker for me. Kindness is of paramount importance in a relationship.

I’m glad you’re being looked after OP. Shame it’s not by your H

Hope you get well soon OP 💐

What’s your useless husband saying about you being hospitalised?

It’ll be much more inconvenient for him if you power through and end up more or less deaf in that ear and / or left with debilitating tinnitus… take it from me!!

Keep taking it seriously OP. Mines was missed by the doctor despite my whole left side of my face being red hot and my temperature roaring.

How are you getting on today? I hope the IV antibiotics have kicked in and you are on the mend.

Just an update, hopefully a final one.
I had 2 days in hospital on an IV drip and had an ear canal clean (painful, hideous but necessary). Am home now.
They did a scan to rule out mastoiditis, luckily it wasn’t but I had a middle ear and outer ear infection at the same.
I’ve come home with an additional weeks worth of oral antibiotics and writing on my notes that at first time of ear infection then to go straight down the oral meds route and at a stronger level to stop this happening again.
Im incredibly tired, nauseous due to all the medications and have lost half a stone in weight but I am feeling so much better.
And once again, people slate our NHS but when you are needing urgent care like I did, I’m my experience they are fabulous. Everyone encountered from consultants, GPs, nurses, caterers for the lovely food , even the lovely porters who took me down for scans etc have been so kind, professional and I’m so grateful for them all.
And as an aside from the health side of things:
came home to an immaculate house. All the laundry done, cleaning done. Even a food shop in and meals prepped for the next 3 evenings and he’s organised help with school runs the next week so I can rest if I’m off sick from work still. He apologised for “ being a twat” (his words). He got a bit of a mouthful from me, that I was really unwell, the fact that I went to hospital shows it wasn’t “just” an ear infection and was pretty serious and that he made me feel like shit by acting like he did. He said he realised all that when I called him to tell him I was being admitted etc and did apologise. Let’s see if he behaves better going forward

Glad to hear you are on the mend and hope he’s learnt a lesson

i would add though that even if it hadn’t ended up being so serious he was still being a twat!

Oh OP, what an ordeal. I’m glad you are feeling a bit better but you are far from well. Please rest up. I’m glad your DH saw the light, hopefully the shock of you being admitted gave him a kick up the arse.

Glad you’re feeling better and dh has stepped up.

This is such a helpful post. I’m going through similar right now. V unwell and “D”P showing true colours. Selfishness essentially. Considering separation as soon as I’m well enough to function. Assuming you never regretted your decision?

Glad you’re feeling better. However it shouldn’t take an inpatient admission for your husband to recognise that you are ill.

@Pumpkintopfno, your right it shouldn’t and I know that. He knows he mustn’t act like this ever again as I won’t stand for it. He admits he just thought I was being over dramatic about the pain as I have a low pain threshold due to a genetic disorder I have but he absolutely knows he was wrong. Hospital doctor had a word with him, told him I had an opioid pain relief which is pretty serious stuff along with the IV abx so he’s now aware just how unwell I was

Glad he managed to get his act together. You know, after you were hospitalized.

But don't forget his default reaction, op. Don't forget.

Goodness me, I'm glad you are on the mend, it must have been absolute agony.

Hopefully your husband will remember his behaviour if in future you tell him you are ill.

Don't forget his behaviour OP. He has shown himself to be a nasty piece of work when the chips are down, who doesn't feel his own children are his responsibility. Well done for giving him an earful. You need to mind yourself and keep a very close eye on him. He has dropped his mask and made a total show of himself and you definitely should look at him differently. When the chips are down you really see who you are married to. Take good care of yourself. An ear infection can be absolute agony.

But there is also the fact that he called you lazy, thinks housework and childcare is all "your stuff" and thought you were wasting medical resources. What will he do next time you are ill but not quite so ill that you need hospital? He's unkind at the very least and he has a problem with his attitude either towards you or women in general.

It seems he's got away with awful behaviour because he says he didn't realise how serious it was but even more minor ear infections that don't need hospitalisation are pretty nasty and it is never appropriate to accuse someone with one of malingering let alone when it's your wife. I'm guessing this isn't the first incident of shitty unkind behaviour.

Ive experienced this too, and you don’t forget it. I guess there are other things that might not have dawned on you yet though.