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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I petty? Or funny?

75 replies

SandwichShort · 12/05/2026 13:21

So, something really funny happened. I got an official letter. It was misgendered, I only realised this whilst on hold. So, when I got through to someone, they asked my name...and then my title. I pointed out that actually, in the letter, it stated Mr, yet I am definitely in fact a Miss. That got washed over with the next question.

End of call questions, is there anything else I can help with? Yes, can you change my title? Oh yes, I have already amended that. Just like that, no drama.

it is funny how easy it is to inform someone, actually, you misgendered me in your letter, can that be corrected please? Already done. AIBU for pointing out that women who are women do not get offended by misgendering? It's more amusing than offensive?

I might have pointed out, after thanking her for amending my title, i was glad she had already done that because I was definitely born with a vagina...but that is because I am petty like that 🤣

OP posts:
ginasevern · 12/05/2026 14:49

Lougle · 12/05/2026 13:32

I'm GC but I do think this deliberately misses the sentiment of misgendering. The whole point is that, for the most part, a person who is transgender has made effort to adopt characteristics that are associated with the opposite sex. The misgendering is offensive to them because whether deliberate or accidental, it makes it clear that their efforts were in vain and their natural presentation was registered.

It's not a funny thing, is it? People who are transgender are either distressed by their natural state, or they have other reasons why they feel that being regarded as a woman (or man) would be better for them.

I can understand that even if I disagree with it. Your example of a typo isn't comparable.

I'm GC too and was going to say pretty much this.

AgentPidge · 12/05/2026 15:03

ginasevern · 12/05/2026 14:49

I'm GC too and was going to say pretty much this.

Show quote history

Like speaking French in France, only to be answered in English! Although that's disappointing rather than offensive.

Original poster
SandwichShort · 12/05/2026 15:03

Okay, so I apologise to all the posters I have clearly offended. That was not my intention. I didn't post to offend anyone. I clearly am not funny. Noted.

OP posts:
Original poster
SandwichShort · 12/05/2026 15:05

I don't even know how to reply to the GC comments. So I won't bother

OP posts:
DappledThings · 12/05/2026 15:06

I don't get it. You were neither petty nor funny. I agree it's a non-incident and pointing out how easy it is not to be offended by such a minor thing is reasonable but given it was a complete non-incident I don't get what other point you are trying to make.

Original poster
SandwichShort · 12/05/2026 15:07

I don't even know how to reply to the GC comments. So I won't bother

OP posts:
gamerchick · 12/05/2026 15:12

KaleidoscopeSmile · 12/05/2026 14:41

Christ, the responses became tortuous quite quickly and stayed that way. I think OP was attempting to be a bit lighthearted and illustrate how these things happen and we move on quite calmly without fuss. It doesn't really require the amount of smart arsed responses it got.

Immediately no less. Some very strange people about atm. Everyone is snapping and snarling their way through their lives.

Summer26 · 12/05/2026 16:32

I have a "foreign name" the amount of times people have assumed I am male is in the hundreds if not thousands. I remember staying at a very naice hotel in London in my 20's. They were absolutely mortified and the man on reception said never assume anything, which I have remembered over the years. It doesnt bother me, sometimes I use it to confuse people eg holidays when people think DH & I are same sex. Cunard looked somewhat relieved we were M&F as we are younger than their typical passanger & they had us for about 3 weeks. Life is too short to be bothered by little things.

FreyaW · 12/05/2026 21:34

IMO The whole post is petty.
Hope this helps you in your time of need

AgentPidge · 12/05/2026 21:56

gamerchick · 12/05/2026 13:32

I get what you mean OP. Some things you don't need to take offence at. It must be tiresum being so highly strung.

I get random Emma's. Have had it my whole life. My name sounds nothing like Emma and it's different people.

Sometimes I think I look like an Emma.

I'm always Sue. Sigh. My name isn't Sue. I was even called Sue by someone I'd worked for for two years. (I didn't see her much, but even so, as an employee...) I don't take offence, but it makes me a bit sad that even when I corrected people they didn't remember.

Mind you, everyone round here seems to be called Sue or Ann, so you've got a good chance if you guess one of those. ( I'm not Ann either.)

Original poster
SandwichShort · 13/05/2026 02:00

Honestly. It was not that serious. I was trying to have some light hearted humour. Clearly misjudged.

OP posts:
LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 13/05/2026 04:07

SandwichShort · 12/05/2026 13:48

I will enjoy being childish and silly. Fancy that, a moment I could have taken full offence and just laughed it off.

Why would you have taken offence? It was a letter, there’s many reasons it may have been wrong.

I would have taken your comment with a huge eye roll and I am GC too. It’s one of those things that someone says but is just not funny.

74username52 · 13/05/2026 05:24

SandwichShort · 12/05/2026 13:48

I will enjoy being childish and silly. Fancy that, a moment I could have taken full offence and just laughed it off.

For god’s sake, it’s neither funny nor
”childish”. Just not a big deal, this is such a weird post. Why do you even for one second think it was something worth being offended??

ChiliFiend · 13/05/2026 07:16

Lougle · 12/05/2026 13:54

But that's, again, the whole point. A mistake was made, a typo. You haven't taken offence because it has had no impact on you. Nobody is accidentally pointing out what you are trying to disguise. Nobody is deliberately making the point that you are, in fact, something other than you want to be.

As I've said, I am GC. I think it's really important to keep sex segregation where it matters. I don't think anyone should have to deny reality. That doesn't mean that it's helpful for people to pretend that this stuff doesn't matter to transgender individuals, or that they are 'silly' for taking offence if someone doesn't address them as they would like. For whatever reason, it matters to them. Pretending that a typo on a letter is comparable is just ignorant.

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100%.

SwatTheTwit · 13/05/2026 07:51

All I’m getting here is secondhand embarrassment from you thinking this nothingburger was worth making a post about, sorry.

Kokonimater · 13/05/2026 08:18

????

CandyColouredEggshells · 13/05/2026 08:32

Lougle · 12/05/2026 13:46

GC is Gender Critical (I believe that gender is a social construct rather than an objective fact or subjective feeling).

In what way do you disagree?

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What does gender critical mean please?

EmmaB1309 · 13/05/2026 08:42

Yabu, because I suspect this was a dig at trans people.

StripedVase · 13/05/2026 08:48

Why are people on a post about misgendering pretending not to know what GC or gender critical means? What was the point of the post if it wasn't about gender? What is going on? I'm hiding this weirdness is what is going on I think

PortSalutPlease · 13/05/2026 08:55

Someone made a typo, that’s not misgendering. It’s weird that you went on about it so much, and I’m not sure which part you thought should be funny?

MilkyLeonard · 13/05/2026 09:05

So, something really funny happened.

It’s hardly up there with Del and Rodney smashing the chandelier.

Deathinvegas · 13/05/2026 09:44

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/05/2026 13:51

Why would you have taken offence? Someone probably hit the wrong dropdown box. You didn’t do or say anything funny

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This!

coulditbeme2323 · 13/05/2026 09:45

Lougle · 12/05/2026 13:46

GC is Gender Critical (I believe that gender is a social construct rather than an objective fact or subjective feeling).

In what way do you disagree?

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So you believe a bloke can become a woman? gotcha

Swiftsmith · 13/05/2026 10:19

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/05/2026 13:51

Why would you have taken offence? Someone probably hit the wrong dropdown box. You didn’t do or say anything funny

Show quote history

This!

blythet · 13/05/2026 10:21

I don’t see it as petty or funny. They made a mistake, you asked them to fix it and they confirmed they already had?

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