My dad is always lying

[bltwithoutthet]

And they’re not little lies either.

For example, he had a minor medical procedure yesterday, under general anaesthetic. He doesn’t feel up to doing the normal childcare he does this week (not my kids, but I’m in the group chat!)

Hes text to say that he’s been advised total bed rest for 48 hours. Now I know this is rubbish because the leaflet says he needs to be up and about to avoid blood clots.

He also lied after an abnormal FIT test and said he’d been told he likely had cancer - when he’d been told the opposite

I just find it so frustrating that he never tells the truth. He doesn’t feel up to it, so just say that? It aggravates me because it’s hard to tell when he’s being serious.

He’s hardly elderly. In very good health, just after a bit of attention I think!

The man is in his 70s !
I thought you were going to say 50s.
leave him be .

Sounds like he has health anxiety. My gran had dreadful health anxiety and nobody “knew”; we finally figured it out because this was the pattern - she “interpreted” whatever the doctor said through her own negative lens. It became easier to just have someone go with her. Your da sounds like maybe he’s still too proud for that, and won’t admit that his fears are affecting communication.

@bltwithoutthet Regardless of his health, he is elderly. That's just a statement of fact.

Is it your child/children receiving the child minding? Maybe he doesn't see it as the "lifeline" you do.

Has he always been like this? The barefaced lying about health would be munchausen syndrome.

YANBU to be aggravated.

Is he trying to get attention and sympathy from you? It does sound silly when your mum will tell you the correct diagnosis shortly after he has told you how dangerously ill he is.

He was probably told to take it easy, which is difficult with children. With the test if he has been told he probably doesn't have cancer it means there is a chance he does have it and if he's pessimistic by nature that is his take.

Whoever is asking him to do childcare is taking the piss at hiszage unless he willingly requested to do so

He offered. He loves them, it’s genuinely the thing that makes him happiest (and they’re not my kids, so if I didn’t think that I’d say!)

I think so. It’s just aggravating

As I’ve said, no, I’m thankfully childfree

No I completely agree, so he should say “I’ve been told to take it easy, I don’t feel great, I can’t have the kids” not “I’ve been told total bed rest for two days” because it’s just a bare faced lie!

To be fair don’t we all want a bit of attention at times? What were his parents like, did he only get attention/sympathy when he was ill as a child?

Since when did being 70 become ’not that old’. I mean he’s got another 9.1 years left if you take the average life span. That’s not long op. Cut him some slack!

I have no idea.

I’ve just been to see him after work and he’s absolutely fine, on about getting back in the garden tomorrow! When I asked why he said he was on bed rest he said he didn’t really know and laughed. So, so strange

I don’t think being older excuses poor choices to be honest, especially when those choices impact others, like his lies about cancer did.

Wow you’re a nice piece of work!
Your poor dad 😔

A positive FIT test prompts a referral on to the 2 week wait pathway for cancer investigation. If the same thing happened to me I would tell people theres a strong chance I could have cancer. Because there is. Until the investigations are complete theres no way of knowing if its cancer or not, therefore, a positive FIT test, in his mind, was likely cancer.

No, there isn’t.

A positive FIT test carries a 7-16% chance of it being cancer. The vast majority of people who have one have nothing wrong with their bowels, and he was told this at his first appointment. But he was still telling everyone it was cancer!

So lying about having cancer is okay?!

A family member does similar and uses exaggerated health conditions to exert control. I know them well enough and long enough to know it comes from a pretty shitty childhood. It is tiresome but it isn’t conscious behaviour, it comes from deep seated issues.

Devil’s advocate here, but after an abnormal FIT test they usually send you for an urgent colonoscopy and the referral letter does say “suspected bowel cancer”. That’s obviously not the same as ‘probably bowel cancer’ as most cases will turn out not to be. But it is alarming to see it written down and people (especially when anxious) could take it the wrong way.

Where in his seventies? I am observing my DH and friends in their seventies slowing down hugely as the decade goes on and also getting more muddled and anxious. I t is a normal part of ageing. Give him a break.

He's worried it's cancer and wants some sympathy.