To be upset no one liked my painting?

[Whoopdedoop]

I’ve been going to an art class for eight weeks. Showed DH, DD1, DS1 and DM and DF what I did tonight and they were very dismissive of it and pointed out what was wrong with it.

I was actually pretty proud of it, and now I’m feeling a little upset. Everything they do I am positive about, and I just think it wouldn’t have hurt them to be nice about it.

But then I think I’m 50; I should be able to take criticism without getting upset.

AIBU to be upset by their comments?

Art is subjective. But it would’ve been polite of them to make admiring sounds.

Welcome to the world of art.

You are asking the wrong people for support. Would you ask your family /friends for advice on your process, use of color, design, values? No, of course not. Then don't accept their criticism either.

Most people, and curiously family and friends have no idea what to think or say and are unnecessarily critical in unhelpful ways.
Become part of an artist community , attend an art class or group. This is where you will find support, advice and helpful criticism.

Ignore everyone else . They don't understand and are jealous. Artists are a special open minded tribe like no other. Find your people!

Are they even into art?

I feel like a lot of people who know very little about it/haven’t studied art are overly critical because they don’t actually understand the timescale of it and how long it actually takes to develop any skills.

I think if you love it, and the love the doing of it, then that’s brilliant. I agree with the ‘sod ‘em’ approach. I’m doing a PhD in something I think is VERY IMPORTANT and my husband kicks me under the table whenever I start talking about it because he can’t bear hearing about it anymore, maybe it’s that sort of thing. But I’m obsessed by it so I will keep on bringing it to the table, kicks notwithstanding!

My gran did water colours, FIL does all sorts, mum is competent but scared of doing it wrong or not being as good as gran. I craft and encourage my daughters. We always talked about techniques, motivation, what tricky…
And thank goodness we have because FiL has done two portraits of the family and I cannot say they are beautiful!

But was she really asking for critique, or sharing this new thing in her life with them and expecting a bit of enthusiasm and encouragement?

I bet it was the latter (and unless she specifically said 'please don't hold back, tell me honestly what toy really think', they should have assumed so too).

I don't share all my husbands hobbies and vice versa, but we take an interest because we care about each other.

Ah OP. I feel for you. I’m 51. Started painting for myself about 5 years ago. I was terrible ( I can draw fairly well). I just carry on happily regardless of some of the things my “DH” said. I’m a lot better now!!
I get lots of positive feedback from established artists since I put my stuff on Instagram (to track my own progress and some people picked up on it). I still do fairly bad paintings a lot, but while it’s disheartening to hear a family member be dismissive or downplaying your efforts … do it for yourself and you will learn to care less. That also helps with making art - do it for yourself. I hope it doesn’t stop you going to the class or practicing by yourself.

Ignore family opinions. Listen to your teacher and fellow students. Eight weeks is not long, so please carry on with classes and you will find it a great journey of exploration. One tip that you might find useful is to hold your pictures up to a mirror. That makes you see them afresh and helps you see where things might need to be changed.

Go on, let's see it!

No need to be good at something, you can enjoy it for the sake of it. Well done for doing it!!

Are they like that in general?

But I wrote YABU because everyone has different taste/understanding of art, and not everyone will appreciate what you did. Given the rise of AI created pictures (and people liking it) you can see many don't care about the thought or process behind it. I see this as the "art gap". If you're proud of it, be proud!

You can also share online in art communities if you do want some external critic/praise. Either way, keep going! You will only get better with practice. It's always great to look back at your old art and see how far you've come.

Keep going. Don’t show them again.

A lot of (unknowledgeable) people think art is all about how close to looking like a photograph a picture is. It isn’t.

Also, doing art is marvellous for the mind. Regardless of the outcome, it is the process of engagement between hand and mind that is life-changing. You might even find you dream differently.

Meh, I've always had the most lukewarm responses from people who are either jealous, or who are threatened by any time spent serving my own needs instead of theirs... And I'm not deluding myself, this is stuff I get excellent professional reviews for... (not boasting, just context)... People like you in the box they've put you in.

Also, art is a journey - you practice to get better, but the practice itself is a joyous, frustrating, nourishing and life-enhancing thing!

Enjoy exploring and developing your creativity! 🎨 But share with the right people - your teachers and colleagues, other people on the journey.

I was thinking this. Yikes.

I draw. I also write poetry. There's this mystical misconception about the nature of art. I've heard the phrase 'I can't draw a straight line' used fairly often: the point is that no one can. We're not touched by art as though it's some god-given gift. It's a skill like any other and it can be learned and honed with practice. (And as far as painting's concerned I'm rusty as sin; I'd need to start that again more or less from the beginning).

You don't pick up a brush, a canvas or a pen and draw or write perfection from the beginning. So maybe Felix Mendelssohn wrote exquisite, complicated spring compositions when he was 10, but he was certainly the exception that proves the rule (and was probably doing nothing else all day)!

The important thing is, keep working. One day you'll also look back on your earlier efforts and know your more mature work has a more developed technique. That's inevitable. I write academically; sometimes I wince when I look back at my earlier efforts and wish my first book wasn't out there with my name on it!

Don't let others' initial impressions leave you deflated, and don't give up. This is for you.

Screw them as long as you enjoy it for YOU it doesn’t matter what they say or think. Enjoy your new hobby

And check out Gru's Mom in Despicable Me where he's showing her his plans to build a rocket - and eventually makes a rocket - and all she ever says is 'Eh...'. Some people are just like that...

😂

That is really mean OP.
They should be encouraging you. You went to the class as an amateur painter with little experience, not as the next Picasso. They should be encouraging what you have learned.
I bet the painting was really good. Better than anything I could produce!

How disappointing of them. I just started a similar class and posted my pic to family chat and got loads of well done mum, oh how exciting for you, I didn't know you could draw comments. My pic wasn't great but they were excited for me and supportive which was appreciated.
My DP recently posted a pic to his own family chat of some (amazing) DIY he's doing on a run down house we just bought and got lots of " hope you finish this project for a change", "you missed a bit" type comments. That's typical of them and he actually challenged them on why they were so negative when my family had said nice things to him. They pushed back with it's just banter, only kidding etc and said it's our family's way, nothing personal.
However it did upset him.
It's hard to change a family dynamic but maybe try and point out that if can't say something nice say nothing at all. (I remember telling the kids to remember when Thumper's mum said that in Bambi).
Well done on your new hobby.

I'm the same. If I make someone a cake (say) I want them to be hinest else if they say they like it t hen they will get it again.

I know someone who politely said they liked a friend's painting (it had few redeeming features), they then ended up receiving an endless supply of them.

Be honest but also provide encouragement.

I find a good rule to stick to is not to accept criticism from people I wouldn’t go to for advice.
So unless all the people you asked had a background in art, I really wouldn’t let it bother me.

Send us your painting. I'm sure many of us will appreciate it x

But making art and showing it to your family isn't "seeking external validation of your work". It's actually seeking a kind of affection.

I know my music-playing is extremely basic. My DC knows that her drawing of a dinosaur would not win competitions, and maybe isn't even recognisably a dinosaur. When I stick it to the fridge with joy, DC knows that I do that because I love her and everything she does, and love to see it, not that that dinosaur is objectively perfect. Similarly we all know that I won't be playing my new instrument in any concerts but they praise it because they like to see me tooting away happily.

Op's family seem to prefer showcasing their cutting wit than showing this normal level of affection for her. I'm cross on her behalf.

Similarly, when a wife asks her husband "do you like how I look in this party dress", she's not asking for a point-by-point critique of the waistline, skirt length etc. She's expecting "of course, you'll be the loveliest woman at the party" because that's how affection works, to anyone with any EQ. And I say stuff like that to DH because I mean it, he is the loveliest man at the party, to me. He's not a model or anything.

Just how I think my DD's drawings are the best, even though she has classmates who have won art competitions etc, I still prefer to stick DD's drawings on the fridge than theirs. Obviously.

You wouldn't expect him to say, I prefer you in a longer/shorter length or the red one's better?

My DP would. Not unkindly, and I don't always take his advice, but if I've asked for it, he's going to give it.

'Oh, that's lovely, looks like you worked hard on it. Did you enjoy painting it?'

Not hard, is it?