To think he doesn’t need permission to go away?

[thinkprint]

Been with my DP for several years. We don’t have kids and don’t live together.

He recently told me he’s going on a stag weekend in August.

I was talking to a friend today and those dates came up, and I mentioned that was the weekend DP would be in Ibiza.

My friend looked aghast and asked why I’d said yes when he ‘asked’ to go. I said he didn't ask and I wouldn’t expect him to.

She thinks we are showing a ‘lack of respect’ to each other for not asking if we can go away before we decide to do so, and thinks it’s awful he’s going.

Am I missing something? AIBU to think he doesn’t need to consult me or ask permission?

Well my DH hasn’t been on a stag do for years - but the reason he went is he was friends with the groom….

That’s ridiculous. My DP is going away for a weekend in London with his friends in September. He never “asked” me if he could go. I’d be a bit insulted if he asked for permission too. We’re not their mothers, do what you want. It’s your life.

I suppose this would be different if we had DCs, even then I’d expect a discussion not asking for permission. It’s not a lack of respect. I’m climbing a mountain in 2 weeks I don’t ask him if I could 😂😂😂😂

I think that says a lot about your friend's insecurities. I have two partners - the one that I have DC with would check that I'm free just for childcare purposes, but the one that I don't live with would just let me know that he's going away. There wouldn't be a need to ask permission though.

I mean. I’m have to check with DH as we have a 16 YO DS and a dog! But if you don’t live together and no shared kids or pets he doesn’t need to ask!

Mine’s going to drink and spend time with his mates in the sun.

He doesn’t need your permission.

If you have young children, he needs to check you’re ok to do his share of the childcare over the period he’s away.

But I’d expect most couples to have a general agreement they would cover for each other with notice and just checking in to check the specific weekend/ week works for the other person. Ditto with pets.

But not permission, no. If no kids or pets in the mix, both can crack on!

We would check with the other about dates, make sure we aren’t meant to be doing something but otherwise as a grown human we make our own decisions, I don’t need permission or the other way around. We also aren’t particularly price sensitive and have separate finances to a point as we both have significant money predating our relationship (older)

I’d never expect my husband to ask permission, though he’d check in with me that the dates don’t clash with other plans. We have a small baby and he’s very involved, and he’d feel the same way about me.

What goes on on a stag do, and all that!

When I first got together with my husband, some of my housemates asked me where he was cos I was home without him. I said he was on a boys night out. They stared at me and said 'you let him go out'? I was totally confused. Let him? He's a big boy, its not like he needs my permission. Even now he doesn't ask me 'if' he can go out, he tells me he is going out and I need a really good reason to ask him not to go. I never understood why some men feel they need their wives permission to leave the house or see their mates. It's ridiculous.

🙄 If he wanted to shag someone else he wouldn’t have to go to Ibiza to do it. I don’t know why so many women think their partners are flights risks on stags but not anywhere else. Unless you have them under lock and key the rest of the time?

He probably is but what could you possibly do to stop him?

Ask him if he wants to live like a single, immature lad or a mature husband with commitments and morals?

What is probable about it?

You must have been with some shit men. If you think man you’re with is going on stag dos to shag then you’d be better off raising your bar and leaving. That is no way to live. Better to be single.

Husbands who don’t go on stag dos will still cheat if they’re that way inclined.

I'm guessing all the women who reckon a man can't go on a stag do without cheating, do the same on a hen night

Lol most of the men I've known of stag dos get so drunk they'd be bloody incapable of shagging anyone