What traits did your neurodivergent daughter show as a toddler?

[user2466]

Posting on AIBU for traffic.

Hi,
Just wanted peoples experiences are of neurodivergence during the toddler stages.
For context, my DD is 2.5 years old, her dad is being assessed for ADHD and autism, and my sister and nephew both have autism and ADHD too.
Nursery did some screening for speech and language today and DD scored low for her age and low for the age below. We got talking and I mentioned the family history and nursery said although they can’t make a diagnosis (she’s too young for one anyway) she does see some early neurodivergence traits but can’t say for sure if it is that.

I know many people believe you shouldn’t ‘label’ toddlers but I think sometimes you can just tell (without using it as a label).

What traits did your DD show during the toddler stage that made you think ND?

DD was talking in sentences at 18 months, had night terrors and sensory issues, had a self-soothing type stim of twirling her hair when tired to the point of it getting tangled and pulled out.
She was also totally freaked out by people dressing up where their face couldn’t be seen (characters at play areas, theme park character costumes) and had the language to explain her discomfort.

These are just a few examples that might be ‘normal’ behaviours but I noticed more in hindsight after her diagnosis of ASD.

Didn't play with many toys
Her speech was very advanced!
Rule follower and an absolute dream to parent tbh. Like a mini adult

Btw I didn't realise she was ND as a toddler!
When she progressed through primary school it became more obvious. Especially age 6ish

Speech delay and selective mutism, but very good with numbers (but couldnt name numbers... its hard to explain).
She understood a lot.
Good at puzzles.
Extremely good at climbing.

Didn’t really talk until after her 2nd birthday, but then caught up rapidly and went almost straight away to full sentences. But always showed really good levels of understanding, even before she could talk.

Terrible sleeper until a year old, then slept ridiculous number of hours after that - 12-13 hours every night plus at least 2 hour nap every day between 2-3.

Still needs huge amounts of sleep to recover from overwhelm.

Quite controlling in friendships.

Always needed to have a clear plan of what was happening that day.

Could easily spend 3-4 hours bouncing on the trampoline every day.

Would only watch one preferred film or programme at a time, for several months, before moving on to a new one.

Wanted huge amounts of interaction, constantly.

Advanced speech, sensory issues, very slow at physical milestones, dislike of noise, obsessed with smelling things.
Probably more but I can't remember.

Repetitive play! So we had to re-enact the same scenario over and over (and over and over) again!

Did not speak to a member of staff at pre-school for 10 months.

Found busy environments extremely distressing.

Shit sleep

Reading others answers…

Yes to watching the same program over and over - still does this! I would not like to guess how many times she’s watch Mama Mia 🤣

Very, very active and high energy, bad sleeper, big meltdowns which were longer and worse than other children her age, sensory issues, didn’t do independent play, problems with noise.

At that age I didn’t know she was ND but looking back the biggest signs were that she barely slept, she was nearly always naked - stripped off everywhere! And didn’t eat much apart from milk

Very advanced speech, didn't sleep through till she was 2.5, sensory issues, food issues (ate nothing but fish fingers for a year!). Like GloomyWednesday's DD, didn't like people in costumes at all. Like VividDeer's, very easy to parent, always did as she was asked and could always be reasoned with. Both my (subsequently diagnosed) toddlers were like that. We only ever had one tantrum between the two of them. Very anxious generally. Detested loud noises - public toilets were problematic because the driers made her cry. She didn't use one herself till she was 10.

She had an hour long tantrum because the CBeebies schedule changed and her favourite programme wasnt on.
(Before you could watch programmes whenever!)

Early speech and reading (picking out letters before three)
Hated loud noises (if a balloon burst at a party we had to leave as she got so distressed)
Didn't sleep much during the day but slept well at night.
Didn't like strangers, or in fact anyone else other than me. When she was a baby if anyone talked to her in her pushchair she would be so upset we would have to go home.
At the age of three and a half most of that changed - she became much more sociable and coped very well with preschool and primary with lots of friends. She wasn't diagnosed until around 14, although problems arose from the beginning or secondary.

Didn't like touching anything that was messy play.
When reading books (age 2) would comment on all the numbers (page numbers, numbers in pictures)
Hated all parts of toileting and would simply not go and could hold for way longer than a small human should be able to
No itchy scratchy clothing
Would refuse point blank to wear shoes
Bucked and screamed about going in a buggy or car seat
Screamed in a car seat

... and like PP it became less obvious again for a while but the start of secondary was when it all showed up again (at 11) but didn't get a diagnosis until 16

looking back I think signs were possibly delayed speech (at the time put this down to older siblings habit of answering for her and knowing what she wanted without her saying) advanced physically, climbing everything at 7 months she was like a monkey! Needed clear plans or complete meltdown, could never just nip out on a whim. Overwhelmed with crowds and loud noises and would bolt (usually up something like a tree/fence 🤣) health visitor said encourage climbing movement etc then covid hit and when she started school it became apparent she was ND. It sounds silly but when they’re yours you just deal with how they are and adapt so don’t necessarily notice until it’s progressed with age

Wanted all my attention - still does
high pitch to voice
very controlling in play - wants to ring lead with other girls
special interest
advanced speech

Very advanced speech, copying staff and talking to staff more than other children. Wanting to talk to everyone in the street. A constant monologue or singing. Couldn’t follow directions. Found sequencing things like putting clothes on difficult. With hindsight the signs of adhd were there so early.

Honestly, not many signs. She didn't really like to do what she was asked to do, so wouldn't join in with activities at toddler groups. But she was pleasant about it, not tantrums, she'd just ignore you. When she was younger she didn't really point much and if she went off to explore toys at a toddler group, she didn't look back for reassurance. I think she was just hyperfocused on whatever she was doing.

I have two autistic DDs and they had similarities and differences.

Both were hyper mobile with low tone and very late crawlers and walkers. Both stim with their hands when excited or tired (started as young babies about 7 months and both still do it aged 3 and 7). Both get upset about some sensory things and neither are keen on loud noises or water. Both totally shite sleepers. Both did quite a lot of repetitive play and still do. Some echolalia although more nuanced than you often see in boys.

however one DD had a significant language delay and seemed unable to imitate even basic sounds as a baby and toddler despite trying a lot. She was very engaged and communicative but did no typical babbling and could only say 1 or 2 words until 2.5. She then randomly started talking in full sentences and was reading fluently by age 3.5 despite nobody having taught her any phonics. She was always obsessed with books and songs and would ask for the same ones over and over. Generally quite obsessive and inflexible and would get very upset when things changed or were out of routine. She was also very fearful of new environments and people and generally a very nervous toddler. She also had spectacular meltdowns and can still have them now occasionally.

My other one however had very good language and always pretty advanced for her age, she babbled typically and her pronunciation was amazing. She is generally a lot more laid back and outgoing but I put that down to her being the youngest as opposed to the oldest so she is more used to being around people. She doesn’t struggle with emotion regulation in the same way and doesn’t have intense meltdowns. However she is very physical and will hit or grab other kids when she doesn’t get her way unlike her sister who would never say boo to a goose and was terrified of most kids until nearly 4. She doesn’t seem concerned when other kids are upset whereas my eldest often was.

Just goes to show they are all different. And my other DC is probably ADHD so you can imagine how much fun my house can be sometimes 😂

Please can some posters also show how their child is now? I do worry in case she gets bullied or people make her feel like she’s less than.

Reading these posts really hits home. My daughter does the following:

-Has never liked sitting in her car seat
-Wants to watch the same programmes again and again, often they’re more 1-1 interaction type as opposed to actual cartoons.
-Has melt downs when we go out and it’s busy
-Climbs… a lot
-Uses her hair for sensory (and mine)
-Dislikes having her nappy changed although she’s not as bad as she used to be
-Needs my constant attention, struggles to play independently
-Struggles with sleep. She will sleep but she always fights it and gets upset when it’s time for a nap or bed.
-Excellent speech, but concentration isn’t great for her age

These are what I remember from the top of my head (sorry it’s been a long day)

Um mine is a boy but has a more subtle presentation in line with how girls tend to present. (Not my words)
Lots of things people say here - not a great sleeper, watching something on repeat forever then switching randomly (does this with food too!) terrible eating, didn't speak til 2 then switched to full sentences within a couple months yet understood everything, imaginative play was actually repeating the same pattern over and over and only using one 'scenario' to play, wouldn't dress up or play with a range of toys. Huge meltdowns over random things, can't just pop out the house as needs time warnings and finish tasks. Toilet training was quite challenging. Really clever with things like puzzles and quick with numbers even at 2. Made a particular sound when he was dysregulated. Loads more little signs that I saw way before anyone else.

And yet nobody outside our home could tell at that age. He still masks now at school but less so anywhere else.

She was similar to some PP in that she did everything I asked, never had a tantrum and had very advanced speech. Also extremely restrictive eating, strong flavours (actually any flavour in food) seemed to cause physical distress. She always had her hand resting just inside the neck of her top and she listened to the same Mog CD on repeat for 7 years (always starting at track 4 so she didn't hear the scary one about the ghost, she wore through 3 CDs!) Wasn't diagnosed until 15 years old, still eats a very plain diet and listens to the same musical theatre CD to sleep. She twiddles her hair to regulate.

She wasn't diagnosed until around 14, although problems arose from the beginning or secondary.

What kind of problem specifically?

My dd is 5 now and she’s an amazing child, she retains so much information, she just gets maths, is excellent at the sport she does, is high energy and can just keep going, she’s in year 1 and is very social and has friends. But she’s also very hard work, still struggles with sleep, still has meltdowns and now she’s older and stronger she can hurt us when she hits and scratches us. She struggles with concentration in school and is getting extra support. She loves her friends but is very sensitive and can fall out easily. I do worry about her in school as she gets older, but she’s doing ok at the moment. She’s being assessed for ASD and ADHD, and I have both, I’ve been teaching her to mask without thinking about it since she was a toddler.

Didn’t say her first word until 14 months, didn’t really talk in sentences until she was 3. Wasn’t potty trained until she was 5, wasn’t dry at night until she was in her early teens. Didn’t really make eye contact until she was a preteen. Never crawled, never babbled, never slept through. Had awful night terrors. Meltdowns that went far beyond the usual toddler tantrums. She wasn’t diagnosed until she was 8.