What traits did your neurodivergent daughter show as a toddler?

[user2466]

Posting on AIBU for traffic.

Hi,
Just wanted peoples experiences are of neurodivergence during the toddler stages.
For context, my DD is 2.5 years old, her dad is being assessed for ADHD and autism, and my sister and nephew both have autism and ADHD too.
Nursery did some screening for speech and language today and DD scored low for her age and low for the age below. We got talking and I mentioned the family history and nursery said although they can’t make a diagnosis (she’s too young for one anyway) she does see some early neurodivergence traits but can’t say for sure if it is that.

I know many people believe you shouldn’t ‘label’ toddlers but I think sometimes you can just tell (without using it as a label).

What traits did your DD show during the toddler stage that made you think ND?

My DD has ASD and combined type ADHD. She had excellent speech as a toddler but she spoke in an English accent. We are a Scottish family. Very intense interests even at a young age, she was and still is obsessed with cars and their engines. Very intense emotions with lots of meltdowns. Hated loud noises, but very sensory seeking in other ways. She would balance upside down on her head from 1 year old. Loved routines. Very sensitive to food tastes and textures, her diet has become increasingly restricted as she has got older. She also didn't toilet train until she was 5. She could read fluently at 3 years old and she would read the same book over and over for months at a time. She also never sat still, she would pace in circles, spin and twirl around the room and would climb anything and everything.

She is 7 now and still displays most of these traits. She is the loveliest, kindest little girl. She struggles socially but has close friendships with a small group of children. She is excelling in school academically but struggles to maintain any interest in topics that don't interest her. One thing I would say is that she slept fairly well as a toddler but this has slowly got worse and now she is frequently awake until 1-2am. We are just about to start her on melatonin, so hoping to see improvement there.

Delayed speech- though possibly due to glue ear, meltdowns were spectacular, struggled with transition between inside and outside at nursery , kids shows on repeat, would only eat limited diet. Also hyper mobility and problems riding bikes/ pedalling. More meltdowns- extended ones. Happy in own space and happy to go to bed on her own. Problems with friends. On periphery.

Friendships and foods still problematic.
Meltdowns have been intense over the years!Got formal diagnosis at 13 as didn’t realise these were all autistic traits until secondary school when meltdowns became a real issue. She is becoming more self aware as she gets older.

My sister's daughter had really explosive temper tantrums

Not diagnosed till age 6
As a toddler we calles her "Doctor No" because she said no to every instruction
Could never be rewarded after doing something, only bribed with bribe given upfront
Longer stamina than me for any behavioural "wait it out" type training- happy to stand shivering in the cold for an hour rather than leave the park. Basically won every standoff with what I now know is PDA.
Completist collector - absolutely loved the cartoon classic marketing approach of "in this series there are five pups/trains/unicorns /ten aliens/19 Miraculouses each with different coloured vehicles/boxes etc" and would want them all and to line 'em up
Always followed by some sort of wheeled toy on a string of some kind.

Great imagination. Very quick to anger and she'd bite when angry. Very strong sense of justice and fairness. Sensory issues, like only eating with her hands (baby led weaning). She's 11 now. Less quick to anger, and doesn't bite, but has a sharp tongue when pushed. Dyslexic and ADHD. Still prefers to eat with fingers, strong sense of justice and great imagination.

Hi,
would not breastfeed, acted differently to other babies the day she was born, early speech early writing early reading (all by age 2), would not engage in messy play, could not walk in sand grass or snow. Sensory issues re food causing constipation and anaemia- this prompted feeding team intervention at GOSH and diagnosis age 4/5. Could not make friends, hated parties and isolated herself, poor social skills and unaware of social rules. Special interests early on which were verging on obsessive. Preferred adult company at 2. Memory is amazing and at two would refer back to specific times and conversations. Personal care always difficult. Did not walk until 2 and still has gross motor issues.

its not been an easy ride. But she is wonderful and I am in awe of her every day. Currently taking her GCSEs

Self harm, low mood, anxiety, friendship issues and school refusal. Covid happened in the beginning of year 7 and that actually made it easier for her - it all really fell apart when she returned to school afterwards. It was pretty grim.

DD didn't say a word until she was 2 and then started speaking in full sentences very quickly. She could read before she started school.
Physical milestones (crawling, standing, walking) were a bit delayed.
Her sleep was shit, I don't think she slept through the night until she was 4 years old.
Everyone thought I was 'uptight' because I insisted on sticking rigidly to her routine (naps, mealtimes, bedtime etc) but that was because she would be unsettled for up to 2 days if I didn't!

She was diagnosed age 7. Now she's 12 and I'm incredibly proud of her. She struggles with anxiety and high levels of sensory sensitivity but she has many strengths. She's kind, clever, funny and interested in the world. If she has a special interest in something she throws herself into it with such enthusiasm and it brings her a lot of joy. She needs some additional support in school due to challenges with Executive Functioning. We have strategies that we use at home, at school and when we're out to help her cope with situations and she's starting to advocate for herself and use these more independently but that's a work in progress.

Screamed blue murder if anybody other than close family even looked in her direction. Think electrician or plumber visiting or person on the street saying hello, She would become hysterical (full on shaking, crying).

This stopped when she was about 3 after I was nearly at breaking point and sent her to nursery in desperation (which was hideous but well managed by the nursery).

In primary she was incredibly anxious, perfectionist to the extreme. She was incredibly precocious and an early reader.

Lots of stims (hair twirling), obsessions with subjects/ teddies etc.

White food nightmare has been a feature all her life. She is very averse to texture, Strong smells, noise and crowds

She was diagnosed as Autistic at 13 and with AdHD at 15.

ADHD DD: Talked before she walked. Sleep issues - didn't sleep through until she was five. Fidgety. Talked constantly and rapidly, jumping from topic to topic. Very forgetful and messy. Ate only plain pasta.

Oh that’s funny, DD as a toddler used to refer to herself as bare girl. Extremely reluctant to wear any clothes in all temperatures.

Very easy baby and toddler. Could happily sit and quietly watch a long show or movie. Always well behaved and rarely cried or got upset. Early talker, slightly late walker. Quite off with the fairies a lot of the time in her own world. Most obvious sign looking back was flapping hands and twirling feet. Not as physically capable as other children her age eg. climbing on playground equipment, throwing and catching a ball.

I forgot about that! Once we were held at the barrier coming off the tube at south ken. In a few minutes people started mounting up and it was busy. She fully stripped off in her buggy as she couldn’t bear all the people around her.

My son gabbled utter nonsense till a week after he was 2 and then went to straight sentences - at 6 he was drawing maps of the whole uk rail network and at 8 he could tell you every airline out there, what planes they used, their logo etc- his general knowledge was incredible, at 12 he had a fantastic channel he developed and 200,000 followers , but was useless and unmotivated at homework or putting pen to paper- got 7 ok but not amazing GCSEs apart from IT - which he was top of the class in - and used to help the teacher out with other students - went straight to apprenticeship at 16 in IT networks and telecoms and at 28 still works in it - initially I thought he was high functioning autistic but was always excellent with people- anyway apparently not but was diagnosed at 19 with ADHD for which he is medicated . A sociable and clever guy but still bloody disorganised - always leaves something behind which is sadly why he couldn’t be a pilot which he really wanted to be - he’s absolutely amazing on his simulator though - fly’s all over the world and has had several birthday treats flying with a private pilot

My niece is autistic, it was very obvious from a young age. She could speak but rarely spoke. She disliked eye contact. You could spend an hour in a room with her and she wouldn’t try to engage you in any way or play, she would just drift around like a ghost. Very very very quiet and this developed into selective mutism. Her face was like a blank mask, she rarely laughed or cried or had any meaningful facial expressions.

Love this.

Very fixed in routine - same books every night for bedtime stories, parallel play, echolalia, spinning by way of a stim, awkward socially, reluctant to do new things, ie new clothes, foods etc. Diagnosed at 3. Slightly above average at school. As she got older she improved with support and no longer needed support in secondary school. Just extra time for exams. She’s now a young adult. She has a nice group of friends, is pretty quirky and can be difficult socially, ie if with new people she talks that little bit too loudly for too long and misses social cues. Often gets clothing a bit wrong, ie wrong style for the situation. She’s training to be a teacher - will probably end up working in SEN. is very popular with year 7 and 8 kids. She’s doing ok but still can get overwhelmed and overtired.

W sitting, organising and categorising toys eg lego, reading at age 2, self soothing by rubbing my finger (or own finger), wanting food separated, when a bit older watching the same thing over and over and listening to the same audiobooks over and over.

Zero speech until 2 then full sentences, however we signed and passed th 2 year language check based on having over 100 signs so she could clearly communicate.

Preferred to talk to adults in the park. Once she was talking she would go up to adults and ask how their baby was sleeping and feeding. Mimicking my conversations.

Hated changes of routine to the point of meltdown.

Lining things up you wouldn’t normally line up. So feeding the birds bread and instead of chucking it onto the grass she lined it up on a wall one piece per brick.

Playing with stones - sorting them in and out of piles in the garden - garden was gravelled. She could sit for hours.

Bossy and controlling.

Transitions. Leaving grandparents house was a nightmare and always caused a massive kick off. Not wanting to leave anywhere until everyone had left.

Watching repeated episodes - Barney the school episode. We could almost recite the whole thing.

Sensory issues with clothes.

Nightmare to toilet train.

Needed lots of 1:1 interaction and play. Not keen to play on her own.

Rule follower. Wouldn’t miss school.

Now an older teen, almost adult. diagnosed at 10. Not picked up due to masking but once diagnosed and things appear on Timehop as cute comments and photos from the earlier years we now see as red flags!!

Was never really bullied at school. We were lucky with that but she masked a lot and tried to fit in. I could see the ‘mean girls’ try and be nasty in primary but she never actually noticed so they never got a reaction. Her BFF at the time was also undiagnosed ND and would react so would be in trouble a lot when the mean girls lit the fire and she kicked off without them being caught. Doing well at school. Not straight As but always in too and middle sets and just got on with work. Wants to pursue social interest as a job but hypermobility is now causing pain and fatigue and may prevent that. Now part of the LGBTQ+ groups and identified as non binary and still questioning own identity. Has always had a best friend but often a bit too intense. She is verbally better than she is in written work and due to her verbal contributions in school there are sometimes higher expectations from school and herself that she can actually produce on paper. Struggles with day to day personal care - has no interest in hygiene and hair and make up. Needs reminding to do basic tasks like shower, eat and drink.

Started speaking very early indeed. Then didn’t really stop 😬 Watched Finding Nemo every day for a year.

I noticed her voice was a little more monotone than others, she seemed to be a little dreamy. She loved sorting things into colours and shapes. She was a quick walker but slow talker and often seemed to mix similar words. I was so worried that I thought she might have hearing problems but that was fine. She also had all or nothing food demands, so all brocolli or all cheese for example then it was as if she got sick of them and wanted something else. She still doesn't like food touching each other. Also sensative to labels in clothes and hated turtle neck tops. She has Dyslexia and Autism. Dyslexia diagnosed in Primary and Autism as a teen. On track for 6+ in 12 GCSEs, so what can seem worrying can also turn itself around with the right support.

My DD is 9 and has a diagnosis of ASD.I think she ticks alot of boxes for ADHD too.

She met all her milestones fine as a baby/toddler including at the health checks.She has always had an incredible imagination (lots of detailed pretend play from about 15mths onwards) and an early talker with excellent speech and vocabulary and memory (she could recite the whole of the gruffalo at 2yo) but we noticed some social/behavioural differences at nursery age.She only liked older children and did alot of solitary play until about 3, didn't seem fussed about connecting with peers and got frustrated by younger children interfering.Once when she was at a toddler group at about 2.5yo, she screamed and stood there shaking with anger when another child tried to join in playing with a toy farm at a toddler group, literally stopped the room! We had similar in an argos store when a toddler tried to get too close.She then went on to play well 1-1 with a selected friend and that has continued, but has always zoned in alot on one child and struggles connecting with groups.

She was definitely a high needs baby and toddler, and has been a high needs child.
Very emotionally sensitive, needing lots of comfort, reassaurance and closeness.
She has always been very lively and active- boisterous/bull in a China shop character and full on mentally and physically!

Sleep has always been tough....loads of night wakings as a baby/toddler, didn't settle in own room so slept in cot with side off next to me from 6-18mths then straight into toddler bed.Has always taken a long time to settle down and had late bedtimes.

In reception she got referred to be assessed for asd/adhd as she was struggling with retaining learning information, focus and attention, social boundaries etc.Some of this started abit at nursery but not to the extent either of the nurseries she attended raised it as a concern, one would just sometimes say she hadn't been listening too well that day.

She finds emotional regulation very difficult at times and changes or setbacks are very difficult for her.As a toddler we had a fair few meltdowns about seemingly minor things from what I can remember.

Sensory wise, EVERYTHING went in her mouth, and she was doing some random things like licking the floor and eating sand at nursery age.
Has always picked her nose, bitten her nails, chewed things.
Very picky eater, which has progressed and got worse and worse really but started in toddlerhood.
She has always LOVED mess- she would lie in trays of jelly etc at baby groups and people would be amazed how much she relished it.
Very fearful of loud noises, eg; hand dryers, motorbikes etc.

Slow to speak
obsessive interests (farms/ old macdonald)
echolalia
sensory seeking (spitting out bits of food into cups, some smearing) and sensory sensitive (noise)
trouble making friends except ND boys
took forever to toilet train
hated transitions
But has always been amazing

I wanted to recommend this book, which is written by a woman who was diagnosed as an adult. She goes right through her childhood and how she acted - it's called Twirling Naked in the Rain and it's available on amazon.

Very advanced speech. Huge issues with transitions - hour long meltdowns leaving nursery every day. Screamed when we tried to make her wear socks/ hats/ coats (sensory issues). Extremely fussy eater. Repetitive play - watching same programmes over and over. Lined things up in rainbow order. Very active and high energy. Terrible sleeper. Very clingy - we had to stay with her in order for her to go to sleep. Needed our constant attention. Did not sleep through the night until she was 6. Even then it was not reliable. Would cry if I put her down. ‘Tantrums’ were much louder and much longer than others - what they called tantrums we did not recognise as tantrums. Refused to toilet train for poo and with held - had to get laxatives. Would have meltdowns at toddler groups if did not get the blue toy (favourite colour). To the point other parents would give her the blue toy.
She’s now 11. Very bright. Going to grammar school in Sept. Has lots of friends and has enjoyed primary school. Still has intense interests and struggles with emotional regulation but masks heavily at school. Still fussy with food and clothes but we no longer try to make her wear jumpers/ coats/ socks etc. She was diagnosed at 8 and that has helped her understand herself. Is still very hard work (still cannot go anywhere in the house alone), still had meltdowns though they are shorter now, very difficult to feed which is limiting in terms of travel/ eating out. But is a delight.