AIBU to feel uneasy about my children seeing estranged aunt alone?

[TheWisePanda]

I need some advice please on how to protect myself in a difficult situation, and some second opinions on whether or not I’m being reasonable.

A couple of years ago my DH had a huge falling out with his sister. It was around the time of their mother’s death, and her behaviour was incredibly hurtful to DH, me and our kids. I won’t go into what it was about, but it was incredibly upsetting. She was very clear at the time that she did not want to see any of us ever again, and I agreed with DH that was definitely for the best.

two years on and she is starting to make noises about wanting to spend time with our children (without us). She’s said she would like to come and collect them from our house and take them out. I know that DH will see this as a positive and will be hoping this is a step towards reconciliation.

I would never want to stop DH from having a relationship with her, but I do not want to have a relationship with her myself. I know it would be wrong to stop our kids from having a relationship with her, but I don’t trust her, and I feel uncomfortable and conflicted about it. I don’t fear that they would be unsafe, but I don’t trust that hurtful comments wouldn’t be made.

Kids are now 8 and 10 and have not seen her for two years. They haven’t asked about her at all during that time as they were never close, and perhaps saw her once a month or every few months before.

how on earth do I navigate this and protect myself?

I’m pleased that you have come to this agreement OP.
it must be a weight off your shoulders.

Well done. It’s no surprise to me that someone who is so offensive at a time of crisis in a family carries on being duplicitous, disrespectful and disruptive by trying to undermine you with your DCs. Dreadful delusional and entitled behaviour.

Keep her at arms length. No one needs a close relationship with this character. She has shown her capacity for hurt - you are just managing her now and keeping your family protected from her.

Absolutely not, she can jog on. I am NC with a close family member. She can have absolutely no relationship with my children. No cards, no gifts, no contact at all. I am ultimately the one responsible for being the buffer for my children against the world and my loony dysfunctional family. The buck stops with me. If someone isn’t safe to have in my life, they certainly aren’t safe for my kids.

Excellent update, OP. I’m glad you and your DH were able to have a proper discussion and agree the best way forward.

She would most likely bad mouth you to your children. Show your husband the thread. If he does reconcile with her he can meet her on his own but she needs to apologise to you before she sees your children (supervised vistis).