AIBU to be upset after my partner swore at me

[Blendedmum101]

Please help I’ve had a massive argument with my partner and I need advice on what to do next and if I’m being totally insane…

so this morning I’m in bed and my partner gets up goes to the toilet and our 2 year old starts to wake up, he comes back in gets changed and goes downstairs and she starts to cry.. I get up and say from the top of the stairs can you take her down she’s up, and he says oh I’m about to do the food shop, I said I don’t want to get up at 6:20am so he comes upstairs puts his middle finger up at me and says I’m taking the piss.

for context I’m not a huge morning person I usually get up 7/7:30 for work he tends to get up earlier but goes to bed a lot earlier, today I started work at 8am and he starts at 1:30 so my logic is A- food shop does not need to be done at 6:20 what is the rush with that we haven’t even done a list I would have gone to bed earlier if I’d known. B - he has told me multiple times he doesn’t mind I don’t get up at 6am etc it’s not hugely often the baby is up she takes after me. C - he doesn’t start till 1:30 every day this week so has plenty of time to himself and can sleep etc whereas I cannot do that as ill be doing the evening myself etc whilst he is at work.

after he’s sworn at me I’ve then got up and have said I don’t think he should swear at me his response is I’m too precious??? He’s then done the food shop and gone back to bed, by which point I’ve said excuse me why are you asleep when you’ve just made me get up how is that fair?

By then all hell breaks loose and i find im not in control anymore and telling him to leave and we shouldn’t be together. I also threw his clothes and things on the floor - I think I have anger problems that I need to address and I feel stupid for doing that. I have said to him im sorry about that and tried to say about the swearing but he has said he isn’t sorry and doesn’t think it’s bad. Sometimes the swearing at me doesn’t bother me but today it really has it makes me question if im with a bad person or emotional abuser which i think is why i dont like it it makes me start to spiral and worry. But he’s saying im completely over reacting, even if i am over reacting though can i not be upset about it. I feel really confused and im hoping for clarity.

Oh you've posted about him before haven't you. He is an emotionally immature, abusive fuckwit and I would be getting away from him ASAP.

Does your older children’s father know how his sons are being treated by him? Or maybe they are just as unlucky there too .

Definitely not normal for a parent to be threatening their entire relationship over it or throwing things. Do better.

none Of them were present for this. As I’ve already said.

You don’t think kids pick up on that kind of atmosphere? It’s not acceptable, it’s not healthy.

They would pick up on atmosphere just as they would any argument you have with your partner it’s not reasonable to suggest that kids will never be around an atmosphere. Of course however I’d like to keep that to a minimum. But no I don’t think it’s totally unacceptable for a child to ever experience an atmosphere

Christ I'm disappointed. I opened this thread hoping for a right ding dong with choice language.

You both sound awful. Poor child. My 2 year old would never be left to cry like that.

Cry like what? What do you mean ?

So what I'm hearing is that your partner is volatile and aggressive on a regular basis. At some point every few days he's having some kind of outburst, road rage, swearing etc. Sometimes you respond and then the situation escalates into a dramatic argument. Often you don't respond and he eventually calms down and apologises?

I do think there are some worrying things here, OP. The road rage in particular is very frightening, especially for the children in the car. How would it be if you set some ground rules with him regarding communication? Have you tried this before? I hesitate to say he's abusive and you should just leave, but from what you've said, if you were my friend or family member telling me these things I'd be worried about you and the kids.

The fact that he does calm down and apologise eventually might be something you can work with. But maybe the question is more whether you have the heart for it anymore. You know your partner - is he likely to change, is he open to working on communication, can he empathise with you and others and can he have insight into his own behaviour? If so, maybe it's worth really looking into how you fix these issues. But if not, then maybe it's time to cut your losses.

It sounds like both of your attitudes and approaches will be more damaging to your children than you realise, children absorb absolutely everything. Tense atmospheres, upset, language and body language. If you think you’re hiding it, you’re probably not and this will affect them for life- their relationships and struggles will be directly impacted by the years of absorbing their home life.

if you or him have anger issues then you need to sort it, not work on it but actually sort it. Continue with therapy, communicate, reach out to friends and family who you respect and trust for honest feedback. If you’re not on the same page then you need to split up- there’s a high chance the kids will do better if you’re both in less toxic relationships.

Well ideally he should have said no problem and done the food shop a bit later after your 2 yo had gone to the childminder, perhaps after making a list together. Then he could have had a nap if he isn't a work until later. However he was clearly feeling snippy and then you have blown things way out of proportion.

I would probably have responded that surely the shopping could wait or that he could take her with him but then I am divorced! That said my ex worked nights and used to take DS when he got in from work so that I could catch up on sleep.