AIBU to be upset after my partner swore at me

[Blendedmum101]

Please help I’ve had a massive argument with my partner and I need advice on what to do next and if I’m being totally insane…

so this morning I’m in bed and my partner gets up goes to the toilet and our 2 year old starts to wake up, he comes back in gets changed and goes downstairs and she starts to cry.. I get up and say from the top of the stairs can you take her down she’s up, and he says oh I’m about to do the food shop, I said I don’t want to get up at 6:20am so he comes upstairs puts his middle finger up at me and says I’m taking the piss.

for context I’m not a huge morning person I usually get up 7/7:30 for work he tends to get up earlier but goes to bed a lot earlier, today I started work at 8am and he starts at 1:30 so my logic is A- food shop does not need to be done at 6:20 what is the rush with that we haven’t even done a list I would have gone to bed earlier if I’d known. B - he has told me multiple times he doesn’t mind I don’t get up at 6am etc it’s not hugely often the baby is up she takes after me. C - he doesn’t start till 1:30 every day this week so has plenty of time to himself and can sleep etc whereas I cannot do that as ill be doing the evening myself etc whilst he is at work.

after he’s sworn at me I’ve then got up and have said I don’t think he should swear at me his response is I’m too precious??? He’s then done the food shop and gone back to bed, by which point I’ve said excuse me why are you asleep when you’ve just made me get up how is that fair?

By then all hell breaks loose and i find im not in control anymore and telling him to leave and we shouldn’t be together. I also threw his clothes and things on the floor - I think I have anger problems that I need to address and I feel stupid for doing that. I have said to him im sorry about that and tried to say about the swearing but he has said he isn’t sorry and doesn’t think it’s bad. Sometimes the swearing at me doesn’t bother me but today it really has it makes me question if im with a bad person or emotional abuser which i think is why i dont like it it makes me start to spiral and worry. But he’s saying im completely over reacting, even if i am over reacting though can i not be upset about it. I feel really confused and im hoping for clarity.

Jesus Christ I thought you were going to say he'd called you a cunt or something like that. You completely overreacted to a middle finger.

If she’s up earlier than I will get up with her so I’m probably exaggerating and giving the latest example of when me and her get up but the child minder lives two minutes away and I will sometimes take her a bit later than 8 if needs must.

the other two boys are older year 5 and year 7 I just support them really with things most they can do themselves. Or I’ve done the night before.

🖕🏼

And there's another completely out of proportion response from you. Starting to feel sorry for your DH if you're like that a lot

that’s his daughter too and I’ll be doing every evening etc this week and do the majority of everything anyway. I just think he should pull his weight and give me a break when I ask for one as I do him.

him doing a food shop could have been done at any other time I ended up ordering the stuff for me and the kids anyway as he had no list and no idea what we needed.

Yet in an earlier post you said "I’m up at 7 I don’t leave until 8:30 to go to work, it’s a bit of a rush. Today I work from home so I’d usually get up more towards 7:30"

So realistically you had to get out of bed a whole 30 mins earlier than you wanted, and that caused you to overreact, even though you say its rare she is up before 7am, and you can get up then?

Could it be your contrariness thats starting to wind him up? Genuine q.

I’m just trying to respond to the questions as best I can!

I agree I’ve over reacted I just feel I’m not the only one who has I guess.

Think that’s a bit of an over reaction to a middle finger

if I did have the food shop to do and work later on and he was WFH at 8am.

this is the bit I think you misread as you put he was wfh at 8am but that’s me that is working from home at 8am

😒 I never normally side with the man but reading all your posts you can just see you're hard fucking work

Again i didnt misread. This is what i wrote:

" I wouldnt have been impressed at all if my DP shouted at me to sort our DC out at 6.20am if I did have the food shop to do and work later on and he was WFH at 8am. Do you even do anything in the mornings to get general daily life sorted? 🤣"

Oh I misread sorry!

This is a wild over reaction.
I'm going to say this gently but are you perhaps neurodivergent? From reading the replies it sounds as though the actual issue is the change in routine rather than the actual swearing.
This sounds like a meltdown, it doesn't excuse the behaviour but it might explain the reaction, personally I think you need to evaluate why you had such a strong reaction because this isn't one that will benefit anyone in the long run.

Maybe I don’t know. I just didn’t want to get up and to me he was up so it made sense at the time and I didn’t think I’d been rude or done anything to warrant the middle finger and wasn’t trying to take the p as he said it felt a bit out of the blue.. in the evenings I usually sit up with the baby because he is more tired etc ot just seems like give and take and normal team work to me I felt really upset when he reacted that way and then just worked myself up from there and did my part in the wrong doing

It's just a domestic spat . Not sure why so much weeping and wailing going on here.

Your poor child living in this environment.

I have 3 children I’ve been getting my arse up since god knows when countless times! Im there before my child even knows they need me at times, i just stayed up too late last night and that’s my mistake.

She’s a lovely child and really loved and taken care of!!! We need to do better though I know neither of us would want this to affect her.. I’m going to speak to a therapist about how to take a step back in these situations and I won’t be staying up late for a long time that’s for sure

lol no I think you just didn’t like a taste of your own medicine

If my partner stuck their middle finger up at me and told me to piss off, I’d be very unimpressed, OP — although he wouldn’t do that because he has more respect for me than that (as I do him). I’ve not read the full thread, although have read your updates, and I’m genuinely shocked by some of the responses here.

Save yourself the money of going to a therapist.

Both of you need to grow up.

Poor kids. The atmosphere in your house must be shite.

How should I grow up, what’s your advice on how to do that please

When we’re good it’s amazing - I’m hoping because he’s on lates this week the kids aren’t going to notice but I know that’s me lying to myself

I was taken aback he’s always said he loves the morning with her when he gets them. It does make me question things which I think is why I then spiral and say we’re not going to work out and make it 10 times worse.