School saying things about both our kids now- 6 and 4.

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Hello, wondering if someone could help? Maybe someone has experienced something similar.

my children are 4 and 6. My youngest is in nursery / preschool and my oldest is in year 1.

they go to a private school.

a few months ago we got feedback about my DD6. She struggles to concentrate, isn’t able to follow some instructions- for example if they’re on the carpet and then told to go and sit at the desk and write something - she will have forgotten. Behaviour is good, no issue there. Also no issue with friendship. My DD has been at this school since nursery, when she was 3. Anyway, SENCO have put some things to help her in place and it’s a watch and wait how she does kind of thing. She’s not extremely behind academically at this point.

My DS4 is in the nursery and I’ve now also received feedback about him. They’re worried he cannot stay still at all, also doesn’t follow instructions well. We’ve also been told he just moves so much and flops around all the time, he ends up falling and seems clumsy. He cannot sit still. He’s picking up phonics well. Again, they think his behaviour is fine, he doesn’t hit or lash out at other kids but they think he can’t help just not being able to sit still. In the case of my son his class teacher actually mentioned adhd of dyspraxia.

In my daughter’s case, no conditions have been mentioned by them yet really. But I think they suspect adhd here or dyslexia as possibilities.

I am a bit gobsmacked now that there seems to be an issue so early in school / nursery for both of them.

any words of wisdom ? My husband just doesn’t buy into any of it at all. He says I shouldn’t take what they’re saying so seriously and that the kids are young and will be fine and it’s just the way the world is nowadays in schools. I can’t really talk to him about it. I don’t have anyone who can objectively advise me who has been through it. I don’t think the school would waste time just saying this stuff.

It sounds as though the school are doing their job and highlighting potential issues that you may wish to follow up on.

What are they like at home? Are they constantly on the go? Are they able to sit and watch a film? Will they plenty independently with something for a good chunk of time or do they constantly flit between activities? How much screen time do they honestly get? (No judgment there mine have more than I'd like) But there's a definite correlation between screens and ADHD type symptoms

Schools don't make these things up for fun. I think you should take your youngest to the GP, the flopping sounds concerning. You can ask for an assessment for both children, it sounds like the school will have supporting evidence.

My DD’s school flagged issues with her at Year 1, related to focus and concentration and following instructions (behavior was excellent and great social skills, lots of friends). I was really anxious and worried and we pursued a CAMHS assessment. Anyway nothing was wrong and, although she’s a sensitive child, she’s now in Year 4 academically sound and continues to be beautifully behaved, happy and popular. So wait and see is my advice. Lots of people will pile in to say if the school have suspicions they are bound to be right and best follow up for a diagnosis. But in my case their concerns were completely unfounded and for whatever reason she had a tricky year.

If its an academically pushy school then they may be starting try to offload your children before they get too far up the school. Private schools don't have to keep children who need too much extra attention and input. If its not that kind of school then it might be OK long term. I personally think that age 4 in pre school is a bit young to be putting labels on things.

I second @rollito schools are quick to flag issues (they are not wrong to do this as the waiting’s lists are so long it’s good to get the ball rolling) however children develop at different rates and we had a similar scenario with our eldest who we were told was definitely autistic and had adhd and wouldn’t cope in mainstream school’ when he was at pre-school, is now thriving in reception seemingly with no issues. It’s watch and wait at this age

Take every help offered and get on the pathway for diagnosis, it is no harm if they end up with no issues. You don’t want to have to fight for help later down the line as it is a long process.

Your DS4 could have issues with co-ordination.

i used to work in a primary and in most classes about four or five kids in reception would have trouble sitting still/have co-ordination issues.

in terms of the co-ordination, does your DS do any sport type classes? Swimming, football, gymnastics, anything that helps develop gross motor skills?

for sitting down most nurseries or primaries will use something like a wobble cushion to help give sensory impact and keep the kid in one place

https://www.sensorydirect.com/wobble-cushion-junior?srsltid=AfmBOoqIX9faiK49CJ3HSEVHLfzVi9HuveiIhosz1jgKox5DJoiykR5H

My kid was flagged like this, he was just bored and needed more stimulating teaching topics. He’s studying maths at a red brick uni now.

As I was reading i was wondering about dyspraxia (which both mine have). It isn't just motor skills, it can impact executive function and sensory things too.

Better to have things flagged early than too late. If it turns out to be nothing then that's great.

Your DD sounds like DS at that age. He could not follow chains of instructions. Only one at a time. The school suspected dyslexia as the very experienced and lovely teacher said there were a few other signs. We had him assessed once he was old enough and no to dyslexia but he did have mild slow processing. He remained 'a laid back learner' but did okay in GCSEs. Passed all but one and that was partly due to the awful teaching in that subject.

Has had a patchy work ethic in college but will leave with 2 decent BTECs. He would not be suited to A levels or uni after due to lack of motivation (he is a lazy git). He has a part time job in hospitality and is much harder working in that because he loves to earn and spend money. He was an odd kid in some ways but there is no sign of slow processing now. Comes across as bright and quick witted to chat to. So give her time would be my advice.

By the way we had to pay for the assessment and it was very expensive even years ago. It served no purpose really except maybe reassurance. It might have been more useful in a more supportive school.

He’s actually a really fast runner. He does tennis. He knew how to ride a bike without stabilisers before he was even 4. I barely even had to help him learn.

he just messes around a lot with his body, it’s more that, then being uncoordinated if that makes sense at all ? He just can’t be still and in the process he twists and turns around all the time and sometimes has a tumble.

Hi OP. Teacher with lots of SEN experience here. I don't know how additional needs works in private schools but in state schools the onus is on the school to provide support to make sure any additional needs are not a barrier to reaching age related targets and, unless they are trying to sell you extra support, they are doing their job to mention concerns.

The children sound quite different to me from your post. I think it might be worth ruling a few things out with hearing tests and a visit to the optician. How do they both eat and sleep? How is their speech and language development? Tired children are often unable to sit still. I might see my GP about the youngest-I'd want an OT to have a look. See if your GP agrees.

What are the school doing to provide additional support? It might be worth asking.

Does your eldest forget things at home? Does she seem similar to other kids her age you have around for play dates? Do your children do lots of things for themselves at home? Can they dress and wash with only minimal help from you?

Don't be offended by school's attempt to get to the bottom of any needs they might have. It isn't a judgement, more a search for pieces of the puzzle to make sure they are given all the assistance they need to be successful at school and beyond, and early intervention is ideal.

Many kids don't reallly have the capacity to sit still for long periods at that agen. In Scandinavia they start school at 6/7- before it's very playfocused with lot of physical activities. I would listen to school, follow their advice but stay calm because these things actually can work themselves out with age.

The little one is constantly on the go. My DD sits and does stuff on her own a lot. She loves colouring, playing with her teddies, writing stories - that kind of stuff.

little one gets bored quite quickly and needs adult entertainment, playing with his cars for example. He gets bored of screen time. They probably watch 30 minutes to an hour a day- sometimes more at weekends or if I’m ill or something or busy. But they both get bored of it even. Some days it’s more, some days less.

My DC’s private prep school accurately spotted low level issues just like what you describe while they were 3/4 in nursery and reception. Dc muddled through prep and secondary while we very much took the view of your dh. we were also worried that they wanted to jettison our dc (as a private school with a waiting list they could pick and choose).

Fast forward to age 16 dc was diagnosed with severe adhd - after battling through GCSE’s unmedicated. We should have paid more attention to what school said 12 years ago as the experienced teachers involved had worked with hundreds of young children and could spot what was a problem much more easily than dh and I with our sample size of one.

Ah ok that doesn’t sound like dyspraxia then which is usually linked to trouble learning to ride/catch/etc.

more like a constant need to move? Which would point more in the adhd direction but also is not that unusual at this age. What’s he like at home? Is he capable of sitting still (ish) ever?

When was your 4 year old 4? Don’t forget, schools see lots of children so tend to notice when a child stands out. Why do you think they’re mentioning it if it isn’t an issue?

Hi OP. Teacher with lots of SEN experience here. I don't know how additional needs works in private schools but in state schools the onus is on the school to provide support to make sure any additional needs are not a barrier to reaching age related targets and, unless they are trying to sell you extra support, they are doing their job to mention concerns.
The children sound quite different to me from your post. I think it might be worth ruling a few things out with hearing tests and a visit to the optician. How do they both eat and sleep?

they eat and sleep well.

How is their speech and language development? my little one especially speaks very well and was a very early talker compared to his peers. Very interested and curious, always noticing things and asking questions. My eldest speaks well too. No issues there. Tired children are often unable to sit still. I might see my GP about the youngest-I'd want an OT to have a look. See if your GP agrees.
What are the school doing to provide additional support? They’re with SENCO and doing things like breaking down tasks, visual reminders for my eldest and for the little one they’re trying strategies like fidget toys. But more than just those things. It might be worth asking.
Does your eldest forget things at home? Sometimes she forgets things but I guess I’m just kind of used to her. Does she seem similar to other kids her age you have around for play dates? She seems the same as her friends when we have play dates. Do your children do lots of things for themselves at home? Can they dress and wash with only minimal help from you? They can dress without much help but I’m still helping them wash. I do help them dress too, just to speed it up. I think 4 is a bit young to wash properly on your own ?
Don't be offended by school's attempt to get to the bottom of any needs they might have. It isn't a judgement, more a search for pieces of the puzzle to make sure they are given all the assistance they need to be successful at school and beyond, and early intervention is ideal.

a few days ago he turned 4.

They just sound like kids doing their own thing. Everyone develops at their own rate and not everyone likes the school environment at that age. Of course they don’t sit still and want to be active. Your DH is right. Give them some time and space to develop an their own rate.

DSs and DH have diagnosed ADHD. DH was diagnosed fairly recently, but DSs were around aged 8. I knew there was something wrong as babies. Neither slept more than a couple of hours maximum at a time (for years) on a night and didn't nap, even as newborns.
When i finally got before a specialist (from getting a GP referral it took two years), I said I knew there was something wrong from them being very young. He responded by telling me he would expect symptoms to be present by aged two, so I don't think your school is jumping the gun.

I never said I don’t think it’s an issue !! That’s my husband who thinks like that.

Your husband is right. Do not let the school push you into thinking there is something wrong with your children! Let alone something to be 'treated', God help us, with so-called medication. They are adjusting to an institution and responding absolutely normally.