Starting all over again when eldest children are leaving primary. All the school plays again, school runs again etc when freedom is so near!!

[Knightshine]

So my children are leaving primary and a couple of their friends mum's will be doing all the school runs again with a new child just as their eldest will be in secondary and one leaving primary. I have been thinking if I would even want to do it all over again as my own independence/freedom is coming back as my children are getting older iyswim? But then I think or would I want to do it all again...

I don't think I would as my children are doing great and growing wonderfully plus can still have all my time when needed, I won't have to stretch myself. I have noticed that the ones who are doing it all again only have boys and were trying for girl so I think that may have been the reason, I know it was for one because they told me.

Is it the norm to think this way? What are your thoughts....

From my perspective, my eldest has Down’s syndrome, so we’re not able to count down the years to “freedom” in the same way, so I had no problem with the idea of adding another little to the mix. Although we’re definitely done now with 3 😁

I had my last child at 40. The other 2 were 3 and 6 at the time. Looking after a baby at 40 is quite difficult and I had back ache from carrying him on my hip for several years.

fucking hell that was the easiest bit. Now he’s a teenager (almost 18) and to be fair is absolutely no bother and good as gold but last weekend he went out drinking with some college friends and got too drunk. I was called at 1am to go and get him …. 30 fucking miles away. The loss of sleep hit me almost harder than his hangover hit him!

My eldest started secondary the same year my youngest started reception with middle ds in between. It’ll be 14 years of primary school by the time dd moves on to secondary - definitely a long slog, but I’ve gone back to work full time in the last couple of years, so had a different level of involvement 3rd time round

Quite honestly, not having the strength to call it a day, as it might happen the following cycle, etc. I had a surprise pregnancy which became an early MC a few days later (just when we’d got our head around the whole thing), was trying ever since, had another early MC last March, honestly thought that was the end, but said we’d keep going over the Summer, and amazingly fell pregnant again 3 cycles later. DD3 is amazing. No regrets so far!

Yep same here too - in DD class the only mums of 3+ either have boy boy girl, or all boys. Are boys just easier children who inspire their parents to have more, or is it just trying until they have a girl? Who knows.

I highly suspect the latter even though I’m sure it’s not popular to voice this.

I would have thought quite a few younger siblings are the result of the mother being in a different relationship, and wanting to have a child with the dp/dh

DS1 was in year 6 when DS3 was in reception. DS2 was in year 4. It felt okay as there was no break, we just did 13 years of primary. I don’t know if I would have been able to handle starting from scratch with primary, but I guess lots of people do!

I have a 4 year old about to start reception, a 12 year old and a 15 year old about to start sixth form.

Ive been doing school runs since 1994... youngest is in Yr 7 so only 4 to go!

Some of us don't mind (even enjoy) school runs, family and children.

Exactly this

Oh God - I did school stuff (primary and secondary) from 1995 until 2023. Idiotic age gaps. They're all adults and left home now ...but I sort of miss some of it!

It's not for me, I have one leaving primary this year and the other starts year 4. If he had just been born a bit earlier I would only have 2 more years of the school runs left let alone 3. Although tbh I will easily only have 2 years of the actual physical school runs, by this time next year I'm sure the youngest will be walking to and from school assuming I'm still in the same job/hours.

I can see why people have such big gaps, mine are 2 years apart and from the second #2 was born they just kind of come as a pair. It was hard juggling the early years and now they are older they don't get much 1 on 1 time with us although that's mainly their choice. They are inseparable so where one is, the other is usually close behind but it's lovely to watch their bond grow and grow (not so lovely to referee the fights!!)

I'm very much looking forward to even more freedom soon, as much as I'm like aww I want one when I see a baby, it's a fleeting rose tinted glasses moment, when I think of the reality I'm absolutely 100% no.

I definitely wouldn't have done it. Im now at that stage where I can holiday when and where I want etc. Both my kids drive and have cars. One at uni with part-time job and one full-time working. They are financially supporting themselves mostly although still live at home and will be for sometime as live in SE. Love the freedom! I always wanted 2 although I was a never say never to 3- I had one of each 12 months apart.

I think it's natural to wonder, I did. I also in my early forties felt sad that I probably wouldn't have another baby. I soon got over that.

My plan was always two, I generally feel a bit sorry for parents who are nearly 'free' of young kid restrictions but have to throw themselves back into it with a third much younger child!

But that said, generally they will know what they have let themselves in for and also their financial or housing situation may have improved so if they can, for example, have an au pair or a nanny now, maybe it won't be so complicated/expensive this time around.

Big age gaps are more and more common as people have second relationships. I have a ten year gap and while there are some downsides, there are a lot of plusses too. Ideally I’d have liked a smaller gap but life has a funny way of working out and I’m very grateful for the two beautiful children I do have.

I have always worked too- the majority full time/4 days a week and have progressed in my career but having children when I did definitely slowed this progression but I think having multiple children impacts a woman’s career whenever she has them.

It depends on your life though. I had my first at 22 and my last at 40, (in 46 now), so I’ve never really known an adult life without a young child. I’ve never felt restricted. I’ve traveled the world with my children and alone when they have been with dh.

My eldest was 18 when my youngest was born (my middle child was 6), and I heard it all. But I don’t feel my life is any less restrictive with a 6 year old than if I had just stopped at one. I’m off on a solo weekend to Krakow next weeken while Dh stays at home (he prefers that to traveling).

This is me. Oldest 12 youngest 4 definitely starting allllllll overrrrr again .

All mine are older teens, I had them young. I just can’t be bothered to do it all again. They all have SEN, so there’s extra work there too. I’d rather focus on helping the current ones I’ve got. Plus, my friends are having babies so I get to buy cute baby clothes for their kids to fill that gap, or borrow their young kids for days out.

I know a few people who waited until the first was at school before having another. It always seemed to me that they were just starting again as it got easier, waiting until secondary even worse.
I crammed two in quickly and besides one quite hard year I had no regrets.

I did 15 years of the school run which felt like a long time to me. My mum did 27!

In both cases I’ve had an overwhelming urge to have another baby as the youngest turns 3, obviously it’s how long my body needs to recover before ‘deciding’ it’s time to go again. Didn’t ignore it the first time, definitely did the second.

A friend of mine has 3 dc. Next summer, her children will be finishing Year 13, Year 11 and pre school. So just as her eldest 2 are reaching adulthood, my friend is back to book bags, after school activities, play dates etc etc.

I think some people do that to avoid having to pay for 2 kids in nursery at the same time. I also crammed two in quickly, but there was 4 years between me and my brother and that didn't feel like much of a gap really.