Starting all over again when eldest children are leaving primary. All the school plays again, school runs again etc when freedom is so near!!

[Knightshine]

So my children are leaving primary and a couple of their friends mum's will be doing all the school runs again with a new child just as their eldest will be in secondary and one leaving primary. I have been thinking if I would even want to do it all over again as my own independence/freedom is coming back as my children are getting older iyswim? But then I think or would I want to do it all again...

I don't think I would as my children are doing great and growing wonderfully plus can still have all my time when needed, I won't have to stretch myself. I have noticed that the ones who are doing it all again only have boys and were trying for girl so I think that may have been the reason, I know it was for one because they told me.

Is it the norm to think this way? What are your thoughts....

My sister has a 37-year-old 17-year-old twins and a 12-year-old daughter. She is 54 years old and her life is absolutely hectic. I am happy I stopped at One as I get to live my life now.

I have a very deliberate under 2 year age gap and my youngest is about to leave primary. I understand this and I don't. I would love another one because I'm sure I'd be a better parent with the experience I have now and I'd love to have more kids. But I know that, for me, is selfish and what overrules that is that my kids are becoming an age that is amazing and it's also expensive and going to get more so. I absolutely want to be able to invest everything in them and helping them fly. We had them young so it is something that's in the back of my mind.

I had a 5.5 year age gap between DS2 and DS3. I wasn't trying for a girl and the gap was only as big as it was because I always wanted 3 and I have fertility issues.

While it was quite tricky when DS3 was young it also made me realise how much I missed certain things when DS1 and DS2 moved on from them and I appreciated it more still having DS3. Now that my older two are completely independent I like the fact that DS3 still wants to hang out with me.

No thanks! I’m 36 so I could but youngest of my two, is at the end of her primary school years. I just couldn’t. I’ve got all of those teenage years to come.

I know people who have done this with various combinations of children. Wasn’t for me.

Having another baby after the last has left primary school is not starting again!

I have nearly 19 years bbetween my first and second. The eldest had left sixth form, before the second was born!

That really is starting again.

I know that a 19 year age gap isn't that uncommon - but it's more unusual when there are none between.

"only have boys" fucking hell 😵‍💫 because nothing NOTHING could be worse than only having boys. Appreciate you're only repeating what's been said to you @Knightshine but what a Muppet your friend is.

Five years ago, my neighbours had a 6 and 5 year old, then a surprise baby, a year later another baby and we're pretty certain they've just had a fifth. Not quite the big gaps described up thread but I'm a bit mystified at the choice to keep going with almost a second younger family within the family. The older pair of kids at points look quite neglected, which isn't really surprising as their parents must be busy with three under-5s.

I was just about to say, congratulations...until I read the full, slightly veiled post. It just gets worse when you assume most people go "again" purely for gender purposes. Its probably "normal" most people think this way. But not everyone keeps their thoughts to themselves.

I rarely did the school run for my DC - from quite a young age they walked to and from school on their own. However, as a grandmother I did the school run twice a week for over fifteen years. We still do it occasionally as the fifteen year old likes to come for dinner.

I have a 16 year old and a 3 year old and due to have another any day now.
It's been a weird few years but finally my eldest is doing her gcses and she's starting college in September.
So, I did need to parent two kids at completely different stages.
She was a bit lonely growing up so this time I wanted 2 close together.
Anyway, absolutely loving doing it all again, I can't even remember my daughter's early years lol
And I'm nearly 40 now and it's given me a new reason to keep active and well.

Nice!
I have a 13 year age gap and people think I must have a few in-between and want to know why I left it too long
Erm life?

Wow you'd think that's quite manageable.
Nice ages

DD is in primary 7 about to go up to secondary (Scotland), her friend has a sibling in P1 and their mum is expecting another so when current P1 sibling is ready for secondary the oldest will be leaving school altogether and new baby will just be starting primary. Wish them all the happiness in the world but it's a no thanks from me!

Agree. That situation is unenviable to say the least.

Thank you. This thread has been bothering me.
I have a 10 year gap. It didn't feel like I was starting again. I was aware I was doing it all again, with the ups and downs, but it was very, very happy and felt very blessed to have a second child.

I know lots of women like this and saw them at the school gates.....kids reaching their teens and then another on the way. Not for me. My Dc are now 15/18...i am loving life and so happy to have found some freedom at last. The idea of doing the primary school run again, soft play, and all that stuff would hurl me into a nervous breakdown.

Absolutely not for me. I had two DC less than 2 years apart. They are very close and are now adults and I’m in my 50s. My health isn’t great, if I had a young secondary school child now it’d be tough for me.

I’m in this situation it’s fantastic

I always wonder if the women who do this have a lot of support and family help and this is why they are fine with it. Because they have a lot of help, having young children doesn't hugely restrict their life...so they still manage to have some sort of independent enjoyable life away from their kids.

For me, I had very little help so having young kids meant I felt very trapped and unable to do a lot of things that I enjoy and wanted to do...hence why now my dc are older and i have more freedom i never want to go back.

My kids are 10, 7 and 3 months. However, it feels that the school run will actually become easier, as there’ll just be one child to physically take there and back by then: DD1 will most likely have school transport to her specialist secondary school (if not, we’d be screwed anyway, as it would be at least a 25 minute drive away, so tricky to fit round work), DD2 will be making her own way to whichever secondary she ends up in, and we might end up sending DD3 to an infant school 2 minutes walk away (as opposed to the one 15 minutes walk away that my elder two went to, chosen because it was a lot better for SEND).

It wasn’t what I’d have chosen at the time (TTC #3 took over 3 years) but I’m actually really appreciating the age gap, as my elder pair are both much more independent and really love - and love helping to look after - their little sister.

Lots of smug people on this thread not considering that sometimes age gaps are forced upon us by circumstances, miscarriages and the like and many people are beyond grateful to have another child, regardless of the time between them and their next youngest.

God I can’t wait for this! Mine are nearly 7 and just over 3, and I have definitely shut up shop - DH has had the snip, and I will also be booking in for sterilisation in a couple of years. I have now been visiting soft plays, farms, going to weekend birthday parties in village halls and basically planned everything around ‘what works for the kids’ for 7 years, with a few more to go until my youngest is past that age. So 10 years at that point.

I honestly can’t understand people who start again with a 10+ year age gap, the thought of it makes me ill - like having a 3rd/4th wedding, or moving house every other year. It just sounds utterly exhausting and like your life is permanently stuck in 1 stage.

Once my youngest is 13, I’ll be 43 and I’m looking forward to nice holidays, meals out, weekend lie ins and not being so stuck in character as ‘mum’ all day.

Agree the vast majority of families I know where there are 3+ kids, the first two were boys.

Agree it’s madness to start all over again when they’re at preteen stage.

So what made you want to carry on trying for a third? Out of interest.

People want different things. I continued to try for no 2 until DS was about 9 or 10 but decided to draw the line then as I was 43, had recently gone back to work full time and it just wasn't happening. Had I been younger I may have tried for longer. People don't always plan a big gap, that's just how it works out.