Im so tired

[niassfattie]

After a week of broken sleep, working full time and upset over a job.... I've now got a toddler who woke up 2 hours early and he had a late night..

He wakes me up by crying and my nervous system is shot.

I'm walking in the pram to get some distance from him but I'm just not coping. He's 2.5 half and I managed to get in a good shop and he tried to sleep on the way there/home. But wouldn't sleep when home.

I'm honestly going to lose it today and he's really testing me with normal toddler stuff like "mine... No mummy" etc
.

I don't have any support or any friends

Yes!!!! Thank you 🙏

I was googling surestart thinking that might have been it but it wasn’t.

I definitely think OP would benefit from it.
Something is better than nothing.

Good morning @niassfattiehow are you feeling today?

I was about to comment and mention home start too
it sounds like you could use an extra pair of hands- even if just for a few hours

I’m so sorry you are going through this, I felt similar when mine were little and had some pretty dark thoughts too

I hope you managed to get some rest last night

Everyone is being so kind and gracious to OP and frankly she has been awful in her responses. Going through something does not warrant mean petty comments. Honestly amazed at some of her responses.

You say you work full time. You sound burned out. Can you get a doctor to sign you off for a couple of months? If that is unpaid you may qualify for UC and will still have the childcare ours. That should give you some time in the week to rest and recover..

let housework slip. As ling as you are both fed and have clean clothes the rest can wait. You are in survival mode and something has to go off your to do list.

OP can you let us know you are ok? You are clearly struggling both with tiredness and your mental health. I was wondering, could you afford a babysitter? Even if occasionally? You need weekend childcare so you can stay at home in peace and your son gets taken out to the park, picnic etc. This would give you some much needed breathing space. How much annual leave have you got? At the very least, you need to take a day off, send toddler to nursery and recharge. Also if you are feeling low, text SHOUT to 85258. They have trained volunteers who can help you.

Ok if your nervous system is shot and are looking for ways to help with that have you tried ear defenders or loop ear plugs? It will take the edge off the crying but you can still hear your son.
A weighted blanket might help you. Is your son safe to be left for a couple of minutes for you to step outside? I find being outside to be calming.
Honestly when I’m feeling like this it’s usually because my sons nervous system is out of kilter as well and if I get him regulated then I could then regulate easier.
If your son likes baths I would run him a play bath. You can sit on the toilet, have a cup of tea. Perhaps listen to some music or an audio book through ear phones or put an audio book on through a speaker for your son.
Do you regularly feel like your nervous system is activated? Or is this just a one off?
If it’s happening regularly I’d perhaps look into whether you think you could be autistic / adhd. I had no idea I was autistic until I had my son and found myself very overwhelmed with him. Nervous system constantly triggered. When I was going through the diagnosis process with my son I recognised the signs in myself. Just a thought. Might not be applicable for you.
I hope tomorrow is a better day for you x

@niassfattie i hope you’ve had a better day. I’m curious about what sort of replies you’re hoping for here? I’m wondering if it’s just some validation or do you want any specific advice or solutions? Peoples responses seem to be pushing your buttons more than helping you to regulate your nervous system. Sounds like you’re absolutely done in. ❤

Ive been where you are and I get it and empathise. There are no easy answers but from my own experience some words of advice:

• It gets easier and its not forever - they age and become less dependent on you so know that it isnt forever - so it becomes a case of how to manage in the now
• Nervous system - Im not saying this is the answer but for me medication worked - I went to the GP and got prescribed Amitriptyline that helped a lot
• later i went onto propanalol for panic attacks. I didnt know what the full scope of panic attacks were so I didnt know I was experiencing them. When you mention not being able to breathe it could be a panic attack. Speak to your GP.
• Vagus Nerve - there is a fab video on youtube about how to massage the ear to help calm the vagus nerve (involved in the nervous system). Also other things like splashing cold water on face etc - look into this
• Melatonin - if you are struggling to get back to sleep once woken or are struggling to get to sleep you can get melatonin gummies.
• Daytime naps - even if you can get your head down for 15 mins on the sofa whilst little one is watching some tv this will help.
• Calm app or other such apps - relaxing bedtime stories for children and adults - including some free ones
• Nervous system calming music - low-frequency tones (174 Hz–963 Hz) or is tuned to a 432 Hz , known as solfeggio healing frequencies. Also green noise (similar frequencies). Here is a youtube video of this type of music -

I know not all of these will help but hopefully there is something within this thats useful. Some useful info here too:
https://parents.actionforchildren.org.uk/home-family-life/parent-mental-health/parental-burnout-exhaustion/

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/parenting-and-mental-health/

https://www.calm.com/blog/depleted-mother-syndrome

This is awful and j feel your pain. This may be a time when tv can do a little babysitting while you rest your eyes beside him on the sofa. You’ll not sleep just rest your brain. If he’s not sleeping maybe google sleep patterns for his age and make sure your doing everything they suggest.

Maybe people have more empathy than you.

Stop beating yourself up. We all get over stimulated, fiscally when shopping.

Surely you can open the car windows and park in the shade. It’s hardly height of summer atm

Well he is your son.
you need to try and open your mind

How about you make a list of things to help relax you at home.

duvet on floor with toddler / films / healthy snacks
put your favourote shows on
steam your dade
look after your feet
shower / wash your hair / exfoliate / moisturise / clean pjs
coffee / tea / glass of champagne

Maybe. Maybe not. I really think op is not being very pleasant.

That's just how some people get when they're at breaking point.

Its not particularly nice to come on a thread where someone is clearly struggling and write the things you have. Theres literally no need.

Maybe or is she just on her very last nerve. . Exhausted. Depressed. Alone. Desperate . .